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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hello OP,

I am very sorry to hear of your struggles.  Yes, the lost of a nuclear family is very depressing especially during holidays.  Also, the familiarity of having a partner there even though a lousy one , can play tricks to make us wonder perhaps to settle for much less (eg whatever emotional crumbs the absentee partner is willing to give is better than none).  There is also adjustment in social settings.  Sometimes, it can feel a bit awkward with non-single-parents during playdate for kids.  If you are used to have couples as friends, there is a period of adjustment too on this.  Most of all, the most adjustment is how your daughter is feeling about the separation from ex - it takes a lot of talking to understand kid's feelings.  No doubt, the kid will be sad, nostalgic of the nuclear family life, and may even wonder if it was her fault.  It takes time and efforts to make sure the kid's feelings are healing properly.

If your ex is narcissistic, he may also not be a good or reliable father eapecially reading that he is not hands-on with your daughter and keeps farming out his responsibilities to others such as his girlfriend with the precious visitation time he can have with your daughter.  If this is so, it is a blessing in disguise if he disappears from her and your life.  In the longrun, a child is better off having a single, reliable parent instead of an extra one who comes and go at his wimp.  In my humble opinion, a father who shows up only when he feels like it will do more damage to a child's emotional health than not having him in the life.  Also, the upsets you feel as a mother and person from Ex's narcissistic behaviors will affect yours and daughter's happiness. Don't let him continue to steal your joy.

I am a single mom here for almost 10 years for two kids without any financial or physical support from the other absentee parent - the absence has turned out to be a blessing.  It is hard for a kid to constantly be subjected to emotional let-down eg why didn't daddy want to meet or show up today etc.  With an unreliable ex, this is what us custodial parents will see our children suffer.

Yes, the classic story of the NCP dropping out completely of the kid's life happens, like mine too.  Most times and in the beginning, it may feel appealing to have whatever attention the NCP can spare for the child.  But I notice overall and in the longrun, the emotional upheavals both mother and child have to go through are so damaging it is not worth it.  A parent should love and accept a child wholeheartedly rather than "I love you a bit or care a bit", or "I am around when I have time."  Being a parent is a full-time job where the NCP must be willing to commit emotionally full-time even if he is not able to be physically there full-time, otherwise, it will be a constant a letdown for the child and mother suffering seeing the child is emotionally hurt again.

Having things we enjoy doing (eg exercise, Good friends, healthy hobbies etc) with the little time there is being a single mother can help a great deal.  Life will get better each day and year.  Please remember to celebrate all victories even if it seems partial or insignificant.  Please remember to take life an hour or a day at a time.

I wish you and your daughter all the best. 
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Thank you, thank you thank you for this! This sums it all up. And yes, I'm still a work in progress. And I did find a support group that I will start next Wednesday. Step by step I'm moving on. :)
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You are very welcome, OP.  Please keep us posted.  [/quote]

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