Officially give up on #2?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I feel similarly. However, we are actively trying for 2 with donor egg. I had nothing left from first IVF 5 years ago. I have found the second time around to be easier. I am familiar with the process, to busy to care about the details and Google search everything, and basically just following the instructions. Also, mentally seems easier since we feel sooooo lucky to have number 1. If to works we won the lottery twice. We've had one failed tranfsfer so far. Logistics and care for current child are hard while i am in treatment. Otherwise, it is OK.

OP here. Thanks for this. I honestly feel like I only just recently (like in the last year) emerged from a fog that had overtaken my life for about four years. I had wicked Post-partum depression and anxiety too. I love my daughter and she is the light of my life but maybe I don't even really want to go back to having an infant again. It really wrecked me. Maybe I'm done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I feel similarly. However, we are actively trying for 2 with donor egg. I had nothing left from first IVF 5 years ago. I have found the second time around to be easier. I am familiar with the process, to busy to care about the details and Google search everything, and basically just following the instructions. Also, mentally seems easier since we feel sooooo lucky to have number 1. If to works we won the lottery twice. We've had one failed tranfsfer so far. Logistics and care for current child are hard while i am in treatment. Otherwise, it is OK.

OP here. Thanks for this. I honestly feel like I only just recently (like in the last year) emerged from a fog that had overtaken my life for about four years. I had wicked Post-partum depression and anxiety too. I love my daughter and she is the light of my life but maybe I don't even really want to go back to having an infant again. It really wrecked me. Maybe I'm done.

By the way, my child is 4. Took me 4 years to get over it. I just don't want any regrets. If it doesn't work that will suck, but I can move forward with peace that we tried everything. I always thought we'd have more than one and I want my child to have sibling. I am not looking forward to the infant stage at all, dreading it actually, but, looking forward to a life with hopefully kids who come visit me from college!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I feel similarly. However, we are actively trying for 2 with donor egg. I had nothing left from first IVF 5 years ago. I have found the second time around to be easier. I am familiar with the process, to busy to care about the details and Google search everything, and basically just following the instructions. Also, mentally seems easier since we feel sooooo lucky to have number 1. If to works we won the lottery twice. We've had one failed tranfsfer so far. Logistics and care for current child are hard while i am in treatment. Otherwise, it is OK.

OP here. Thanks for this. I honestly feel like I only just recently (like in the last year) emerged from a fog that had overtaken my life for about four years. I had wicked Post-partum depression and anxiety too. I love my daughter and she is the light of my life but maybe I don't even really want to go back to having an infant again. It really wrecked me. Maybe I'm done.

If you don't want an infant, what would be the point of trying for a 2nd naturally? if it works it would result in an infant...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I feel similarly. However, we are actively trying for 2 with donor egg. I had nothing left from first IVF 5 years ago. I have found the second time around to be easier. I am familiar with the process, to busy to care about the details and Google search everything, and basically just following the instructions. Also, mentally seems easier since we feel sooooo lucky to have number 1. If to works we won the lottery twice. We've had one failed tranfsfer so far. Logistics and care for current child are hard while i am in treatment. Otherwise, it is OK.

OP here. Thanks for this. I honestly feel like I only just recently (like in the last year) emerged from a fog that had overtaken my life for about four years. I had wicked Post-partum depression and anxiety too. I love my daughter and she is the light of my life but maybe I don't even really want to go back to having an infant again. It really wrecked me. Maybe I'm done.

If you don't want an infant, what would be the point of trying for a 2nd naturally? if it works it would result in an infant...

I think I could be better prepared to handle an infant if I didn't have a backlog of fatigue from 3 years of fertility treatments before I ever got pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I feel similarly. However, we are actively trying for 2 with donor egg. I had nothing left from first IVF 5 years ago. I have found the second time around to be easier. I am familiar with the process, to busy to care about the details and Google search everything, and basically just following the instructions. Also, mentally seems easier since we feel sooooo lucky to have number 1. If to works we won the lottery twice. We've had one failed tranfsfer so far. Logistics and care for current child are hard while i am in treatment. Otherwise, it is OK.

OP here. Thanks for this. I honestly feel like I only just recently (like in the last year) emerged from a fog that had overtaken my life for about four years. I had wicked Post-partum depression and anxiety too. I love my daughter and she is the light of my life but maybe I don't even really want to go back to having an infant again. It really wrecked me. Maybe I'm done.

If you don't want an infant, what would be the point of trying for a 2nd naturally? if it works it would result in an infant...

NP. Because infants aren't infants very long. I have 2 kids and fought really hard to have both of them. And I also don't enjoy the infant stage. Both those things can be true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I feel similarly. However, we are actively trying for 2 with donor egg. I had nothing left from first IVF 5 years ago. I have found the second time around to be easier. I am familiar with the process, to busy to care about the details and Google search everything, and basically just following the instructions. Also, mentally seems easier since we feel sooooo lucky to have number 1. If to works we won the lottery twice. We've had one failed tranfsfer so far. Logistics and care for current child are hard while i am in treatment. Otherwise, it is OK.

OP here. Thanks for this. I honestly feel like I only just recently (like in the last year) emerged from a fog that had overtaken my life for about four years. I had wicked Post-partum depression and anxiety too. I love my daughter and she is the light of my life but maybe I don't even really want to go back to having an infant again. It really wrecked me. Maybe I'm done.

If you don't want an infant, what would be the point of trying for a 2nd naturally? if it works it would result in an infant...

NP. Because infants aren't infants very long. I have 2 kids and fought really hard to have both of them. And I also don't enjoy the infant stage. Both those things can be true.

OK. But it comes back to the question whether OP really wants a 2nd child or not.

[Anonymous]

after 2 failed IVFs for #2 at 41 and then 2 natural pregnancies, which ended up as miscarriages (chromosonal issues), I gave up. Or i tried to give up, but I couldn't. last year, i told my husband i wanted to try DE and he was on board. today i'm almost 20 weeks! I'm excited. it took me a while to get come to grips with DE. (my second attempt at DE worked.)

if you have money for IVF, you have it for DE. DE process is easier than IVF. And i thought it was kind of fun to pick the donor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:after 2 failed IVFs for #2 at 41 and then 2 natural pregnancies, which ended up as miscarriages (chromosonal issues), I gave up. Or i tried to give up, but I couldn't. last year, i told my husband i wanted to try DE and he was on board. today i'm almost 20 weeks! I'm excited. it took me a while to get come to grips with DE. (my second attempt at DE worked.)

if you have money for IVF, you have it for DE. DE process is easier than IVF. And i thought it was kind of fun to pick the donor.

OP here, I think you missed the part where I said that insurance paid for our IVF. It would not pay for DE.

[Anonymous]

I think you have your answer. But another perspective: treatment sucks for a year or so, a child is amazing for a lifetime. Or, trying could give you closure. I tend to need to exhaust what I deem as a reasonable effort to not have regrets. But many people are not like that. If you can find peace, move on. Only you know what it's like to go through IVF.

For me chance of success with IVF would matter. If you are 43 now (how old?) then it may be too much to go through many IVFs and the likely disappointment.

[Anonymous]

OP, if your response emotionally or intellectually is to disagree with every poster (which is totally legitimate and fine) then maybe that's your answer? Valuable exercise if so.

I have a 6 month old and love the infant stage. I can't believe it's me. Thinking I got lucky with no post partum and an easy as hell baby. Generally I have tons of anxiety in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if your response emotionally or intellectually is to disagree with every poster (which is totally legitimate and fine) then maybe that's your answer? Valuable exercise if so.

I have a 6 month old and love the infant stage. I can't believe it's me. Thinking I got lucky with no post partum and an easy as hell baby. Generally I have tons of anxiety in life.

OP here - quite right. I think it has been a valuable exercise. It has helped me figure out where I stand.

So glad for you that you got lucky. My baby too was easy. It was just me that was a mess. And I love my little girl so much I can't fathom knowingly plunging myself into that darkness again and being less than myself during her key developmental years for the slim chance of having another child. What if I put us all through hell and end up with nothing? Then I may never climb out of the darkness again. I think I'd rather stay in the light with my girl. My beautiful lovely girl who I'm finally healthy enough to really enjoy.

I suppose part of my issue is that I was taken by surprise when the OB/Gyn declared "you don't ovulate, you have to see a reproductive endocrinologist." I was fine with the plan of just leaving the door open but not trying too hard. To be suddenly told that the door was closed all along and I didn't realize it makes me feel foolish and disoriented.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if your response emotionally or intellectually is to disagree with every poster (which is totally legitimate and fine) then maybe that's your answer? Valuable exercise if so.

I have a 6 month old and love the infant stage. I can't believe it's me. Thinking I got lucky with no post partum and an easy as hell baby. Generally I have tons of anxiety in life.

OP here - quite right. I think it has been a valuable exercise. It has helped me figure out where I stand.

So glad for you that you got lucky. My baby too was easy. It was just me that was a mess. And I love my little girl so much I can't fathom knowingly plunging myself into that darkness again and being less than myself during her key developmental years for the slim chance of having another child. What if I put us all through hell and end up with nothing? Then I may never climb out of the darkness again. I think I'd rather stay in the light with my girl. My beautiful lovely girl who I'm finally healthy enough to really enjoy.

I suppose part of my issue is that I was taken by surprise when the OB/Gyn declared "you don't ovulate, you have to see a reproductive endocrinologist." I was fine with the plan of just leaving the door open but not trying too hard. To be suddenly told that the door was closed all along and I didn't realize it makes me feel foolish and disoriented.

I think it might help you to talk it through with a specialist. What you say doesn't make any sense.
A. I love my DD, and I don't want the possibility of going through PPD ever again because of the adverse effect on both myself and DD
B. If I was ovulating on my own I wouldn't mind having a 2nd one.
C. I am disappointed that I don't ovulate because ARTs are out of the question due to the previous experience.

A and B are mutually exclusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if your response emotionally or intellectually is to disagree with every poster (which is totally legitimate and fine) then maybe that's your answer? Valuable exercise if so.

I have a 6 month old and love the infant stage. I can't believe it's me. Thinking I got lucky with no post partum and an easy as hell baby. Generally I have tons of anxiety in life.

OP here - quite right. I think it has been a valuable exercise. It has helped me figure out where I stand.

So glad for you that you got lucky. My baby too was easy. It was just me that was a mess. And I love my little girl so much I can't fathom knowingly plunging myself into that darkness again and being less than myself during her key developmental years for the slim chance of having another child. What if I put us all through hell and end up with nothing? Then I may never climb out of the darkness again. I think I'd rather stay in the light with my girl. My beautiful lovely girl who I'm finally healthy enough to really enjoy.

I suppose part of my issue is that I was taken by surprise when the OB/Gyn declared "you don't ovulate, you have to see a reproductive endocrinologist." I was fine with the plan of just leaving the door open but not trying too hard. To be suddenly told that the door was closed all along and I didn't realize it makes me feel foolish and disoriented.

I think it might help you to talk it through with a specialist. What you say doesn't make any sense.
A. I love my DD, and I don't want the possibility of going through PPD ever again because of the adverse effect on both myself and DD
B. If I was ovulating on my own I wouldn't mind having a 2nd one.
C. I am disappointed that I don't ovulate because ARTs are out of the question due to the previous experience.

A and B are mutually exclusive.

OP here - you make a lot of sense and are clearly parsing what I'm saying quite carefully. Thanks for pointing out the flaw in my logic. I mean that sincerely.

I am going to talk to the IVF doctor we saw three years ago. The depression began when we did ART. It lasted through PPD. I was anxious and depressed PPD but I was also seriously grieving the whole time I went through ART. I was mad as hell at my body. I think I might be able to survive PPD again, but I think the combo of ART and PPD would be really bad for me. I also think that I would be really sent to a dark place if the ART was highly inconvenient and frustrating and did NOT result in a baby.

I'd be willing to do something like Clomid to increase my chances of ovulating. I can't commit to all those early morning monitoring sessions. I think it takes too much away from my family life.

Does this make more sense? It does to me anyway.

[Anonymous]

I mean this kindly, but do you see a therapist? It seems to me that you have some form of PTSD and could really benefit from some psychological help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if your response emotionally or intellectually is to disagree with every poster (which is totally legitimate and fine) then maybe that's your answer? Valuable exercise if so.

I have a 6 month old and love the infant stage. I can't believe it's me. Thinking I got lucky with no post partum and an easy as hell baby. Generally I have tons of anxiety in life.

OP here - quite right. I think it has been a valuable exercise. It has helped me figure out where I stand.

So glad for you that you got lucky. My baby too was easy. It was just me that was a mess. And I love my little girl so much I can't fathom knowingly plunging myself into that darkness again and being less than myself during her key developmental years for the slim chance of having another child. What if I put us all through hell and end up with nothing? Then I may never climb out of the darkness again. I think I'd rather stay in the light with my girl. My beautiful lovely girl who I'm finally healthy enough to really enjoy.

I suppose part of my issue is that I was taken by surprise when the OB/Gyn declared "you don't ovulate, you have to see a reproductive endocrinologist." I was fine with the plan of just leaving the door open but not trying too hard. To be suddenly told that the door was closed all along and I didn't realize it makes me feel foolish and disoriented.

Well, if it took an IVF to get the 1st DC here, then it is not very reasonable to expect that the fertility issue just automatically resolved itself on its own and you can get pregnant naturally, especially now that you're 4 years older. Having said that, there are people who don't ovulate that get treatment and go on to get pregnant. I don't mean IVF, I mean treatment for whatever causes anovulation. For that though you'd need to go to an RE and get tested (needles, ultrasounds, waiting rooms, doctors, nurses). If any kind of interaction with RE or their practice will be a trigger for you, then that's your answer: don't go there. If you can stand getting tested knowing that you will not do IVF no matter what - it's worthwhile to get accurate up to date info on your health, as it will give you a basis for further decisions.

Also, 2 cents on something you alluded to. My best friend in high school grew up with a mom who was severely depressed all the time, there wasn't much help for stuff like that at the time and probably was some stigma if one needed to see a specialist for "head problems". My friend's life sucked big time. Do not shortchange your existing child, seek proper treatment, follow through with it and if you have to - yes, give up on number 2.

I think it might help you to talk it through with a specialist. What you say doesn't make any sense.
A. I love my DD, and I don't want the possibility of going through PPD ever again because of the adverse effect on both myself and DD
B. If I was ovulating on my own I wouldn't mind having a 2nd one.
C. I am disappointed that I don't ovulate because ARTs are out of the question due to the previous experience.

A and B are mutually exclusive.

OP here - you make a lot of sense and are clearly parsing what I'm saying quite carefully. Thanks for pointing out the flaw in my logic. I mean that sincerely.

I am going to talk to the IVF doctor we saw three years ago. The depression began when we did ART. It lasted through PPD. I was anxious and depressed PPD but I was also seriously grieving the whole time I went through ART. I was mad as hell at my body. I think I might be able to survive PPD again, but I think the combo of ART and PPD would be really bad for me. I also think that I would be really sent to a dark place if the ART was highly inconvenient and frustrating and did NOT result in a baby.

I'd be willing to do something like Clomid to increase my chances of ovulating. I can't commit to all those early morning monitoring sessions. I think it takes too much away from my family life.

Does this make more sense? It does to me anyway.