Cleaning out grandma's house - WOW!!! greed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is about to happen to my husband's grandmother. The vultures are circling the house as we speak. I don't want my husband involved. At all.

It's very upsetting to see people you've know almost your whole life be so greedy. Over things. How shameful.

My mother died several months ago. Fortunately she chose her lawyer, not a family member, to be executor. Per the will everything was to be split between 4 children. The executor let us know from the get-go that if problems arose in equitably splitting items of value he would take over, have everything appraised and then those items would need to be "purchased" from the estate.

Executors can have a lot of control over how it all goes down in the end. We haven't had major problems in splitting things up so far, bet I'm glad the executor has a backbone and is willing to lay down the law if need be. Highly recommend using a competent, unrelated lawyer as executor!

My grandparents just passed in September and they had a trust set up this way. My cousins threw a fit when they found out they would have to purchase things in an auction. They had gone to the house after the funeral and put their names on everything and tried removing stuff from the house. I can't wait till they find out the level of debt my grandparents were in for their medical care and that there will literally be no money left. Selfish assholes.

[Anonymous]

I declined being the executor of my mother's estate due this very expected dynamic in my own family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I declined being the executor of my mother's estate due this very expected dynamic in my own family.

But you are not the type of relative who is a problem. There are control freaks with crap lives who want to try to micromanage whatever they can to try to prove their life doesn't really suck. Of course it does - look how the micromanagers behave as grown adults!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You haven't spoken up.

Your father hasn't spoken up.

Your grandma said they can have stuff.

They are doing the physical labor of sorting and cleaning, which actually isn't easy.

Grow a backbone and speak now, or forever hold your peace.

I agree. Obviously, they shouldn't be taking anything, as it all still belongs to your grandmother. But the house must be cleared out, and the stuff has to go somewhere. You're not helping deal with it, and you're also not making a case with the relatives--or your grandmother--about what is important to you. What do you want them to do with a houseful of stuff?

In our case, I flew out the 800-2500 miles to help sort/pack/clean. Our relative in assisted living had said the things in the house were fair game and didn't really have a plan for them. I was very scrupulous about trying to make sure everyone in the family had a chance to talk about things they valued before anything got removed. And even now, I'm holding onto important family things with the thought that they might go to other relatives later. But in the meantime, they had to be stored somewhere.

[Anonymous]

A version of this happened in my family and the house was emptied of 'valuable' china, furniture, etc. In the end, I'm not sure how valuable it all really was and I already have enough of both. I did get a few small items that had been left behind; the items aren't valuable but do remind me of my grandmother. And, the stuff isn't the memories or time with her - and of those I have/had tons.

[Anonymous]

You are upset because cousins took your grandmother's belonging or because they beat you to it?

[Anonymous]

best option is to liquidate everything and split it up monetarily

Stop being stupid about grandma dumb ring or dirty washcloth she bathed you with, it's a financial transaction, get over it

[Anonymous]

When DH's grandmother was in the hospital dying, DH's aunt showed up at the grandmother's house with a UHaul truck and helped herself to any items she wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When DH's grandmother was in the hospital dying, DH's aunt showed up at the grandmother's house with a UHaul truck and helped herself to any items she wanted.

Call the police and have her locked up this is burglary

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your Grandma unless she has dementia is partly responsible for this fiasco. Your father is almost equally responsibility. All they had to do was lock the house. Neither did what they needed to do to secure the property or the items inside.

Seriously. Why was your grandmother moved while your father was on vacation? Your cousins don't sound nice at all, but you just sound miffed that they beat you to it. Yucky all around.

[Anonymous]

My guess there isn't much value in the items that they are taking and it will end up sitting in their closets, not yours. Like someone else said, let them know if there is anything of sentimental value that you would like. You'd have to pay for shipping. Otherwise, let them clean it out and take what they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You haven't spoken up.

Your father hasn't spoken up.

Your grandma said they can have stuff.

They are doing the physical labor of sorting and cleaning, which actually isn't easy.

Grow a backbone and speak now, or forever hold your peace.

I agree. Obviously, they shouldn't be taking anything, as it all still belongs to your grandmother. But the house must be cleared out, and the stuff has to go somewhere. You're not helping deal with it, and you're also not making a case with the relatives--or your grandmother--about what is important to you. What do you want them to do with a houseful of stuff?

In our case, I flew out the 800-2500 miles to help sort/pack/clean. Our relative in assisted living had said the things in the house were fair game and didn't really have a plan for them. I was very scrupulous about trying to make sure everyone in the family had a chance to talk about things they valued before anything got removed. And even now, I'm holding onto important family things with the thought that they might go to other relatives later. But in the meantime, they had to be stored somewhere.

I also agree. As you mentioned your uncle is trying to sell the house quickly, so it needs to be cleaned out quickly. You aren't helping and you aren't speaking up that you want something saved for you. You do need to send a note to the cousins, not chastising them like you think, but to apologize for not helping out with cleaning up her house for sale and sorting her belongings. Then you say that you would like to have one or more keepsakes from your grandmother and make a list and ask for at least a couple of items on the list. Otherwise, you go out and help. You grandmother has shown in the past that she loves all of her grandchildren and will happily give anything of value in her possession to any of them. You said yourself:

OP wrote:Grandma has a history of giving away anything someone asks her for which is how my youngest cousin got her wedding ring and antique sewing machine.

which means that your grandmother had a good heart and loved giving her things to her children and grandchildren if they asked for it. Your cousins also know this and just went to take the keepsakes from their grandmother and knew that she would willingly give it to them. If you want something, you either have to go there to get it and help clean, speak up for yourself and let them know that you would like something (they can't read your mind and know what you want) or have your father speak up on your behalf.

[Anonymous]

I cleaned out my parents house after they moved into assisted living.

It was a HORRIBLE task. Decades of total crap. Little or nothing worth keeping.

My siblings, who lived far away, did not help.

Guess I should have sent them a message telling them how they were missing out on some great scavenging and they should all show up to pick over the treasure pile.

[Anonymous]

This happened after my grandfather died. I guess it's common. He had a house full of valuable antiques. He and my grandmother had expected their children to cooperate and pick out what they liked, but two of the children took everything and left the other two with nothing. This caused a rift that never healed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You haven't spoken up.

Your father hasn't spoken up.

Your grandma said they can have stuff.

They are doing the physical labor of sorting and cleaning, which actually isn't easy.

Grow a backbone and speak now, or forever hold your peace.

I agree. Obviously, they shouldn't be taking anything, as it all still belongs to your grandmother. But the house must be cleared out, and the stuff has to go somewhere. You're not helping deal with it, and you're also not making a case with the relatives--or your grandmother--about what is important to you. What do you want them to do with a houseful of stuff?

In our case, I flew out the 800-2500 miles to help sort/pack/clean. Our relative in assisted living had said the things in the house were fair game and didn't really have a plan for them. I was very scrupulous about trying to make sure everyone in the family had a chance to talk about things they valued before anything got removed. And even now, I'm holding onto important family things with the thought that they might go to other relatives later. But in the meantime, they had to be stored somewhere.

I also agree. As you mentioned your uncle is trying to sell the house quickly, so it needs to be cleaned out quickly. You aren't helping and you aren't speaking up that you want something saved for you. You do need to send a note to the cousins, not chastising them like you think, but to apologize for not helping out with cleaning up her house for sale and sorting her belongings. Then you say that you would like to have one or more keepsakes from your grandmother and make a list and ask for at least a couple of items on the list. Otherwise, you go out and help. You grandmother has shown in the past that she loves all of her grandchildren and will happily give anything of value in her possession to any of them. You said yourself:

OP wrote:Grandma has a history of giving away anything someone asks her for which is how my youngest cousin got her wedding ring and antique sewing machine.

which means that your grandmother had a good heart and loved giving her things to her children and grandchildren if they asked for it. Your cousins also know this and just went to take the keepsakes from their grandmother and knew that she would willingly give it to them. If you want something, you either have to go there to get it and help clean, speak up for yourself and let them know that you would like something (they can't read your mind and know what you want) or have your father speak up on your behalf.

THANK YOU, common-sense posters! It's really not that complicated:
1) Speak up
2) Help out
3) If you don't do 1 or 2, then shut up.