Has anyone here allowed the state to take gaurdianship over a parent or sibling?

[Anonymous]

OP here - thank you PP. Do you live near your brother? Did you have control over his finances before the guardianship occurred? If not, did the guardianship make it much easier? Is he in a long term care facility? If not, did guardianship make it easier for him to be in one?

MIL is highly combative and I am curious from that standpoint whether guardianship made the process easier. The last conversation we had with her was "go the F away, I want you to leave me alone." I am just wondering, if we can't get her in a long term facility, how much control we can have.

To answer your question - for my own child, yes. But MIL was mentally abusive and pretty much destroyed two of her three kids. And H is left with a world of issues as a result of her abuse. So yes, I want to help, but at the same time, our relationship has always been arms length and for the sake of my husband and his brothers, it really must stay that way.

[Anonymous]

OP Here - I am worried I sound like I am making excuses not to do this - I just want to make sure I know what we are taking on given all our history and her location.

And so we don't sound like the worst people ever: we will be assuming care of H's paranoid schizophrenic brother when his father dies or is no longer able. But there is a much different history there and there will be a trust for him. Plus he is already in a group home and does not have the same propensity toward dangerous behavior that MIL displays.

[Anonymous]

OP - We have a young adult daughter with a cognitive disability who lives with us and works part-time and has not special issues. From what I know, I would suggest that you see a lawyer who knows your family situation and could help you get specific answers to question regarding MIL in the state in which she resides:

1- What government cash benefit(s) does she currently receive?
2- If she is not in the medical facility, which agency will assume primary control over her welfare in terms of where she would live? Could a staff member also serve as her representative payee on benefits?
3- Since she is elderly, if she is released from the mental health care facility, is she likely to qualify for an adult home or nursing home placement?
4- What agency will be her primary mental health care provider since this is her major health issue? What services do they specifically provide to someone her age if she is released from institutional care and not needing nursing home care as yet, but something to do during the day?
5- Ask the local mental health agency, who is likely to be appointed her guardian if your husband is unable to do so?

a- Guardianship is control over decision-making of the person. In MIL's case it would be a full-guardianship. Where a guardian would likely come in is in dealing with any and all of MIL's possible care managers: MH Services Care Coordinator, Social Worker Case Manager, Facility Contact Person etc. Also you would need to get clear legal understanding as a Guardian of what you could and could not do in a sense to help her out at times which could endanger her qualifying for her benefits.

b- Conservatorship is control over the finances of a person. ***However, if MIL only receives income based on her disability from either SSI or SSDI, then it is quite possible that she could get a Case Manager or Social Worker depending on who serves those with mental health issues in an agency where she lives to serve as her representative payee. If she has no other assets, then from the SSI or SSDI, money would pay according to a government formula for her housing, food and basic living expenses. This would most likely be in a congregate care setting either. Medicaid/Medicare as she qualifies for both would pay for her health care including mental health services. ** And whether she is in an institution or a nursing home, if she has not other assets, Medicaid would also pay for her long-term care. So in that sense,you can probably get clear answers from your lawyer confirming you need not serve as even a representative payee. You want to avoid a Conservatorship because it is a pain in the butt with having to report once a year on all expense for the individual and not necessary if only getting the basic government benefits.

c- Trustee if there is a Special Needs Trust, it turns out that serving as a Trustee, you do have to report all funds used for the person's benefit yearly. Like a gurdian, there are also rules and regs on what a person getting benefits can receive in terms of "cash" and this means even gift cards. I just got an e newsletter today on the very topics and you may want to go to the group's web site as there are many relevant articles.

he Voice is the e-mail newsletter of The Special Needs Alliance. at http://www.specialneedsalliance.org/. The current newsletter is entitled: Distributions from Special Needs Trusts: In Kind Distributions, Credit Cards, Gift Cards, or Debit Cards - which seems to apply to anyone who might consider being a Guardian or Trustee of a SNT.

You and DH need to put the interests of your own family first, but to do so in good conscience the more information you can gather about what the options for MIL and her care are in the state in which she resides ought to help you weigh whether it could be done or not. Also a Guardianship need not be viewed as a permanent decision. We complete a yearly report form to the local Department of Social Services, but it is by no means a necessarily irrevocable decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are in the process of trying to do it. Becoming guardian gives you responsibility to make decisions. You generally are not financially responsible in less you agree to be. She should have her own social security income that you would manage. I would not allow the state to do it. Then you have no rights as family. I would absolutely do it.

The state is absolutely a last resort.

[Anonymous]

OP, what a beyond difficult situation for you and your family. I'll be thinking of you and hoping for the best.

[Anonymous]

PP who outlined our options - thank you so much. I am going to ask these questions when we speak to someone about the hearing. These information is invaluable to we head into this process informed and so we know what to ask - I do not want to rely solely on the information they provide.

And thank you to PP and others who sent their support. Dealing with a mentally ill adult is one of the hardest things I have ever done (and I say thing as someone who lost a sibling after a long disease when I was younger).

[Anonymous]

OP - I was poster who tried to give you a brief outline of some of the terminology and some possible ideas of what to ask about. In essence, you and DH need to try and find out what the options for MIL are when she is released from the institution. If she says she is independent and there is little oversight of her, that will be an entirely different scenario than if she is in a state/community with perhaps supported housing via mental health counselors/social workers coming by on a regular basis to see how MIL is doing in terms of taking her meds, assessing her living situation etc. Also if there is the option for say a low-income senior housing complex or if medically she needs it an assisted living or nursing home setting with Medicaid supporting her long-term. Again if she is more than likely not that old or infirm as yet, then does the mental health agency have an adult day program she could participate in.

A newer concept is a PACE Center for adults age 55 and older with health care needs which provides a wrap-around program with related medical services right on site. Since she is Medicaid eligible, her cost would be covered if there is such a program in her area.

You and DH also need to get a clear an idea of her present mental health state as possible and also how "cooperative" she is. And there is always the chance she is being very cooperative just to get out, but will be unable/unwilling to follow through. You and DH are not going to be able to save her from herself if she is intent on not taking her meds and following other advice from her care team. However, perhaps be the point-of-contact could help give her better options on future placements etc. and hold agency staff accountable. I guess I would also ask what their crisis intervention protocols are so if DH did become her guardian and you had to call for assistance, what the steps of intervention are. Given her state of mind in the past, I do not see bringing her into your home as an option. And nothing is irrevocable so if the demands of time and the stress of trying to help MIL are too great on DH, then it could be rescinded, but you would know you had tried.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel for you so much. I was in a care taking role for both of my parents before they died, but I had to maintain much more physical and emotional distance from my mom, who was bipolar and had rage issues and was, simply put, an emotional vampire. But I loved her and I wanted to do what I coukd while preserving my emotional health. And for practical reasons, her state was also much better than VA for benefits, so I did it all from 300 miles away, which was necessary for my sanity but also took a huge toll, especially at the end where she really needed an advocate in person.

Maybe states have different laws but in my case, I was never obligated to her financially. I think PA is the only state with filial responsibility laws. But I coordinated her care, kept on top of her eligibility paperwork, etc.

I'll say this: I'm I me self grateful in the end that I had control medically and could make decisions that allowed her to have a comfortable, peaceful death. Without that legal power, she wouldhave lingered and suffered much more.

That said, your DH's own self care must come first, and yours. My brother had taken on a Much more active care taking role for my mom despite the fact that he also was bipolar and had an unstable wife; he bought a duplex house and let her live with them. He thought I was pretty selfish sometimes to have so many miles between us. But he died by suicide. So if you just think it's too, too much, it's really okay for your DH to save himself first.

[Anonymous]

NP here. I have been the primary family contact with a schizophrenic sibling for decades. Sibling has been on and off meds and in multiplel types of supportive housing and treatment settings. There have also been periods of living on the street. A state has successfully brought proceedings to have sibling be "committed" more than once. We are talking about a very sick person, but also a person whose illness destroys the lives of those who try most to "help". Your family has plenty on its plate. If and when your husband has the energy and resources to be involved in t his danger zone, he can do so. That will be true every single day whether or not he takes guardian duties. I would never take such a role for my sibling. The emotional history would overwhelm my decision making capabilities. And the collateral damage to my spouse and young children would be extensive. Let me be blunt. You don't need any lists or legal analysis. You may need an excellent psychologist in your corner to help you protect yourself and immediate family. IT IS HARD. MIL illness means she can't set limits or understand how much she costs your DH or you. You and DH have to set the limits. Error on the side that gives you breathing space. No guardianship imho. Best to you both. Is tough.

[Anonymous]

What is the downsides to the state taking over guardianship of estate and healthcare?