I'm sexually attracted to my husband, just not mentally attracted to him...help

[Anonymous]

Oh, I feel sorry for him. He sounds like he's trying to me. Try to be a little more charitable OP. Why not make "movie night" out at the movies and then talk about the movie. Or read a book together and discuss it. Walk together. Board games together.

Do find some other folks to spend your time with too. You don't sound very empathetic to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, I feel sorry for him. He sounds like he's trying to me. Try to be a little more charitable OP. Why not make "movie night" out at the movies and then talk about the movie. Or read a book together and discuss it. Walk together. Board games together.

Do find some other folks to spend your time with too. You don't sound very empathetic to me.

I suggest things all of the time...and his response is "sure, if that's what you want to do..." ... I'll then ask him, "what would you like to do?"... his response is always "whatever you want to do"... So, he will go out with me, again...it's ALWAYS me prompting the discussion of doing anything whether it be a board game, a movie in or out, dinner in or out.... it's always me making the plans. If I didn't make plans, we would never do anything together. He is perfectly happy with everything the way it is. He loves me deeply...he gets hard just hugging me. I know that he loves me. I have zero doubt in that. It just seems like over the years he's less engaged in any conversation... Maybe I should be "happy" that I always get to pick what we do??? Why can't he for once surprise me and make the plans, or give an opinion...

[Anonymous]

I feel you. I married someone who is not that bright. Beats the fuck out of me as to how he manages to hold down a good job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, I feel sorry for him. He sounds like he's trying to me. Try to be a little more charitable OP. Why not make "movie night" out at the movies and then talk about the movie. Or read a book together and discuss it. Walk together. Board games together.

Do find some other folks to spend your time with too. You don't sound very empathetic to me.

I suggest things all of the time...and his response is "sure, if that's what you want to do..." ... I'll then ask him, "what would you like to do?"... his response is always "whatever you want to do"... So, he will go out with me, again...it's ALWAYS me prompting the discussion of doing anything whether it be a board game, a movie in or out, dinner in or out.... it's always me making the plans. If I didn't make plans, we would never do anything together. He is perfectly happy with everything the way it is. He loves me deeply...he gets hard just hugging me. I know that he loves me. I have zero doubt in that. It just seems like over the years he's less engaged in any conversation... Maybe I should be "happy" that I always get to pick what we do??? Why can't he for once surprise me and make the plans, or give an opinion...

Men need direct advice. You should tell him - "I want you to make a plan for next weekend. I find it sexy when you surprise me" It's not perfect but its better than what you have. Sometimes men think they are being good husbands by being deferential, not realizing that it kills a lady boner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, I feel sorry for him. He sounds like he's trying to me. Try to be a little more charitable OP. Why not make "movie night" out at the movies and then talk about the movie. Or read a book together and discuss it. Walk together. Board games together.

Do find some other folks to spend your time with too. You don't sound very empathetic to me.

I suggest things all of the time...and his response is "sure, if that's what you want to do..." ... I'll then ask him, "what would you like to do?"... his response is always "whatever you want to do"... So, he will go out with me, again...it's ALWAYS me prompting the discussion of doing anything whether it be a board game, a movie in or out, dinner in or out.... it's always me making the plans. If I didn't make plans, we would never do anything together. He is perfectly happy with everything the way it is. He loves me deeply...he gets hard just hugging me. I know that he loves me. I have zero doubt in that. It just seems like over the years he's less engaged in any conversation... Maybe I should be "happy" that I always get to pick what we do??? Why can't he for once surprise me and make the plans, or give an opinion...

I'm scared. I read your post and I realized that I'm about to marry someone who is an introvert and we have similar issues, minus the kids part since we're not yet married so he hasn't had a chance to knock me up yet.

How do you deal with the loneliness that you feel when he is so complacent to your suggestions? Sometimes I teeter totter between going through with the formal engagement and marriage but I can see how he's a good guy, he would be a good father to our children, and he's a good worker with a good job that pays well enough for the simple lifestyle that we're both aiming for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, I feel sorry for him. He sounds like he's trying to me. Try to be a little more charitable OP. Why not make "movie night" out at the movies and then talk about the movie. Or read a book together and discuss it. Walk together. Board games together.

Do find some other folks to spend your time with too. You don't sound very empathetic to me.

I suggest things all of the time...and his response is "sure, if that's what you want to do..." ... I'll then ask him, "what would you like to do?"... his response is always "whatever you want to do"... So, he will go out with me, again...it's ALWAYS me prompting the discussion of doing anything whether it be a board game, a movie in or out, dinner in or out.... it's always me making the plans. If I didn't make plans, we would never do anything together. He is perfectly happy with everything the way it is. He loves me deeply...he gets hard just hugging me. I know that he loves me. I have zero doubt in that. It just seems like over the years he's less engaged in any conversation... Maybe I should be "happy" that I always get to pick what we do??? Why can't he for once surprise me and make the plans, or give an opinion...

I'm scared. I read your post and I realized that I'm about to marry someone who is an introvert and we have similar issues, minus the kids part since we're not yet married so he hasn't had a chance to knock me up yet.

How do you deal with the loneliness that you feel when he is so complacent to your suggestions? Sometimes I teeter totter between going through with the formal engagement and marriage but I can see how he's a good guy, he would be a good father to our children, and he's a good worker with a good job that pays well enough for the simple lifestyle that we're both aiming for.

OP here...it was great for a while, but it starts to wear on you. My husband is great in all of those areas too, but it takes 2 to keep a relationship alive, that is my struggle right now. It feels like I'm the one keeping things going even though he is amazing at all "once prompted".... think hard. If you are feeling this way now, I can tell you - introverts don't change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: OP here...it was great for a while, but it starts to wear on you. My husband is great in all of those areas too, but it takes 2 to keep a relationship alive, that is my struggle right now. It feels like I'm the one keeping things going even though he is amazing at all "once prompted".... think hard. If you are feeling this way now, I can tell you - introverts don't change.

I know you can't enter a marriage thinking you can change someone, and I swear I'm not trying to change him, but I'm concerned about the contemplative thoughts I have had in my mind. I am an extrovert and we have always been able to communicate without problems. In fact one of our strongest traits in our relationship is we have excellent communication, but now that we're on the path to a formal engagement I am beginning to see the bigger picture and I'm not sure I know how to deal with it. I love him and there has never been a lack of sexual interest, but I am Catholic and he was born and raised that way by his family, though nowadays he is non-practicing. This isn't really a huge issue between us but it doesn't help matters. Most of the things that we do is because it's my suggestion. He is very accommodating and generally a positive person. He just doesn't express a lot of facial emotions including smiling, but he's witty and funny and all my girlfriends think he's hilarious when they are around. He's frugal and I'm not showy, but I like the nice things in life. Most of the time he goes along with it too, but I always feel a bit disappointed when it comes to gift giving/exchange. I'm not a greedy or high maintenance person, I have no issues shopping on sale or in outlet centers, but I appreciate quality and it's true "what you pay is what you get" in most instances.
I'm just not sure how much of this is HIM so much as ME who has the issue ... I don't want to make a mistake and end up feeling unfulfilled in the relationship just because he's an introvert who likely doesn't change over the course of a lifetime together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's frugal and I'm not showy, but I like the nice things in life.....I have no issues shopping on sale or in outlet centers, but I appreciate quality and it's true "what you pay is what you get" in most instances.

TRANSLATION: "I like to spend his money and I want him to spend his money on me on extravagant shit, so I'm kind of confused here."

No doubt you are. You are also a huge hypocrite.

Dump this man and allow him to meet someone for the qualities he brings to the table. All this female whining.