I'm sexually attracted to my husband, just not mentally attracted to him...help

[Anonymous]

I love my husband. I am attracted to him, we have sex a few times a week and it's good. My problem is: he is boring. He's an introvert and works from home. I knew this when I married him, and it was fine. Over the years he has become just plain boring. He sits on the couch, doesn't talk much - unless I start the conversation. When I ask what he wants to do, it's always "whatever you want"....I want him to have some "spark", some "life"... I shouldn't complain because he helps around the house with the kids etc.. it just seems like we have nothing to talk about (except the house or kids) and that when we do, I'm always the one starting the conversation.... Ideas?

[Anonymous]

OP here: Ahhh, ATTRACTED!

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a loser to me.

I'm an extrovert and I can never date introverts. I always end up dominating right over them with the same dynamic you described, OP. They become my bitch and it's just an attractive relationship dynamic.

I dont know what to tell you. Dont have kids with him and think about a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a loser to me.

I'm an extrovert and I can never date introverts. I always end up dominating right over them with the same dynamic you described, OP. They become my bitch and it's just an attractive relationship dynamic.

I dont know what to tell you. Dont have kids with him and think about a divorce.

LMFAO
This person is the exact problem of most extroverts. They can't listen to anyone but themselves. Listen up extrovert SHE ALREADY HAS KIDS !!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a loser to me.

I'm an extrovert and I can never date introverts. I always end up dominating right over them with the same dynamic you described, OP. They become my bitch and it's just an attractive relationship dynamic.

I dont know what to tell you. Dont have kids with him and think about a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: Ahhh, ATTRACTED!

Don't make your life all about DH, OP, go out with your friends. Is DH a good provider, good father, good lover? Does he love you and the kids and put your home first?

Lucky you!

Want to go out? Go! Join an exercise class, go to the theatre, go to the movies, host a book club or movie night or cookout/cookie exchange baking party -- you can do all these with your friends!

Introverts make great husbands as long as you don't need all your issues met in one human being.

[Anonymous]

He sounds depressed and I'm a introvert.

[Anonymous]

Being boring has nothing to do with being an introvert. I know some introverts with a lot of passions that they want to explore. He is either boring/depressed or both.

[Anonymous]

The sex can't be good without a connection. It just doesn't happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being boring has nothing to do with being an introvert. I know some introverts with a lot of passions that they want to explore. He is either boring/depressed or both.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The sex can't be good without a connection. It just doesn't happen.

Totally untrue...I am like the OP, I have a very strong physical connection with my husband and the sex is amazing, but we do not connect in the mental sense. Some people can compartmentalize

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: Ahhh, ATTRACTED!

Don't make your life all about DH, OP, go out with your friends. Is DH a good provider, good father, good lover? Does he love you and the kids and put your home first?

Lucky you!

Want to go out? Go! Join an exercise class, go to the theatre, go to the movies, host a book club or movie night or cookout/cookie exchange baking party -- you can do all these with your friends!

Introverts make great husbands as long as you don't need all your issues met in one human being.

I love how when the issue in the marriage is a lack of mental/emotional connection the advise is to go out and find it some other place (friends, activities) and how "one human being can't meet all your needs", YET when someone gets on here and says they have a strong emotional/mental connection with their spouse, yet there physical and sexually needs are not being met by "one person" the advise is to just suck it up and deal...I just find it sort of funny...I think it just proves that you have won the jackpot if you found a spouse that meets ALL your needs fully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: Ahhh, ATTRACTED!

Don't make your life all about DH, OP, go out with your friends. Is DH a good provider, good father, good lover? Does he love you and the kids and put your home first?

Lucky you!

Want to go out? Go! Join an exercise class, go to the theatre, go to the movies, host a book club or movie night or cookout/cookie exchange baking party -- you can do all these with your friends!

Introverts make great husbands as long as you don't need all your issues met in one human being.

I love how when the issue in the marriage is a lack of mental/emotional connection the advise is to go out and find it some other place (friends, activities) and how "one human being can't meet all your needs", YET when someone gets on here and says they have a strong emotional/mental connection with their spouse, yet there physical and sexually needs are not being met by "one person" the advise is to just suck it up and deal...I just find it sort of funny...I think it just proves that you have won the jackpot if you found a spouse that meets ALL your needs fully.

+1 love my husband but he's sooo boring. At first I thought it was an English thing because he's foreign. Nope he's just plain boring. He's happy playing computer games and reading the newspaper. Has probably sat down with me on the sofa about 10 times to watch the news. Story of my life op. It sucks.

[Anonymous]

Time to take a different approach.

It is tough caring for young children while working and at this time it is so easy to fall into a boring rut where your lives revolve around the house and kids.

Unless someone takes the first step in changing this, you will grow stale and even more stale in time.

Hire a sitter. Go to where you had your first date and reminisce about the butterflies you both had when you started dating.

Partake in a brand new hobby together. Take a couples dance class. Join a book club. Or a biking club.

The choices are endless. And your marriage shouldn't be.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. I completely get how you feel. It sounds like you just wish he would inject some juice into your lives!

I'm sorry, that sounds really frustrating.

Has it always been this way? Did he get worse recently? Do you think he might be depressed?

When I have gone through this with my DH, it was definitely partly due to him feeling down and out. Life taking a turn for the better helped things.

Another thing that helped that is already being suggested is me getting more juice from elsewhere. I started to get really excited about a personal project, and that took a lot of pressure off of him. But if you've already tried this route (looking outside for "juice") then you're probably sick of people suggesting that.

But don't give up, OP! I think this is a problem that can get better!