What Should a Private School Do Stop Bullying?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| OP, you need to be asking the HOS to intervene and to send a notice to all parents in the class, without naming names, indicating that there have been reports of bullying and that it is important for parents to counsel their kids on this. That's step 1. If it doesn't stop, then it's time for you to demand that the HOS get the other parents involved. |
Anonymous
| You could also reach out to the other parents and ask if they know what's going on. I don't mean that you should show up at their door ready to rumble. Just tell them what your child told you, acknowledge that you aren't there and might not know the whole story, and ask if their child has said anything. Odds are that they will be more chagrined than anything else. |
Anonymous
|
Wow, I'd document the bruise/scratches and talk with the HOS and/or the lower school counselor, if there is one. Explain the situation and ask for help in helping your DS handle this as well as the school's help in being vigilant and keeping an eye on things.
We had a similar situation at our private, with some minor scratches and name calling. I reached out to the teacher and the HOS called me w/in hours of school starting the next day. HOS was extremely supportive and actually told me that we'd waited longer than we should have to alert them. There was a conference between the HOS, counselor and student, our DC was invited to attend, but not required. There were some consequences for the "bully"(removal of privileges) and DC met with the counselor. School was very responsive and it was obvious that this type of behavior was not acceptable. |
Anonymous
|
Thanks so much, 16:46, for sharing your experience. We are documenting. I took photos of the injury, documented what DC said happened, and sent an e-mail to myself and my husband.
It sounds like your teacher had no issues bringing HOS in. DH and I both have the sense that DC's teacher would not react well to our doing that. At the last meeting, she asked for time to allow her approach to work. I had to bite my tongue from asking how many bruises would be enough. I'm thinking another week max. DH is still saying let our DC take care of it, but I completely agree with 15:25 that it could make DC seem to be the troublemaker or an equal "spat". I get the sense he teacher means well, but is underestimating what's going on because she doesn't see every interaction. |
Anonymous
Bullies often act out because of issues at home. Several people I know tried to discuss things with the other parent with the following results: Were told their kid is too sensitive Were told their kid is making things up Were told their kid is the one doing the bullying Were thanked for the information - other parent had a talk with their child who then took the bullying game up to the next level It's best to work with the teacher/school counselor to find ways your child can manage the situation. The school can help by separating them as much as possible. It needs to be collaborative - you, your child, and the school working to make things better. Do not expect the bully to change his/her behavior or for the school to move quickly. Since there has been physical bullying in your child's case, you should push to have them separated. Your child's personal safety while on school grounds is absolutely their responsibility - be sure they are aware of the physical nature of the bullying and that it happened at school and find out what their plan is to address it. |
Anonymous
|
Here's the thing. A school that responds weakly to evidence of bullying sets up your child for heightened bullying. The bully knows your child told on them. They will try to find a time and space, usually in transition times at school, to make clear that they can and will hurt your child severely if there is anymore of this telling on them.
|
Anonymous
|
Don't worry about being "that" parent. Your first duty --- and the school's, frankly - is to protect your kid. Escalate, to the HOS if necessary. And I disagree with your H who says to have DC fight back. It's not DC's job to police the bullies, it's the school's.
Now, obviously, "protecting your kid" doesn't mean doing things that are counterproductive, like intervening so often and over such small things that your kid becomes socially isolable for that reason. But the school ought to be able to guarantee that your kid experience education without threats to his physical safety. If your school can't provide that, find another school and let it be known why. This is job #1 for them, even before the academics. If their students aren't safe, nothing else matters. |
Anonymous
|
The school needs to be told what is happening. Don't assume that the teachers or administrators know that the bullying has continued. They need to be told specifically who, what and when.
Also, don't assume nothing has been done just because you or your children don't know about any penalty. The school has no obligation to tell you how they have penalized another student. |
Anonymous
|
Oh no no no. This should not be happening at a private school. I'd definitely talk to the head of school about it. It's unconscionable for a child not to feel safe at a school anywhere. But the reality is that with the smaller classes (especially lower schools) the teachers have way more control over student interaction. That teacher needs to step up and take this seriously. Maybe it doesn't look very bad to her, but she doesn't know what it's doing to your son inside.
My son's school has tiny classes and there is one class bully. He was almost counseled out last year. But the teacher did keep him in check and this year's teacher seems to be doing the same thing. |
Anonymous
Ding ding ding.... |
Anonymous
|
Honestly I always thought that bullying was a much bigger issue in privates. And all because of the "wealthy donor" issue.
Actually I am willing to bet that most if not all wealthy donors are donors solely because they know they have a troublemaker for a kid. Happens a lot, even at parochial schools. |
Anonymous
| My DC was being verbally bullied, and he finally snapped and punched the kid in the face. BOTH kids got in trouble, but they just got a visit to the principle. The school told us that hitting is never acceptable, but they took into account the fact that dc had never been in trouble before and had been provoked. They made it clear that they took the bullying as seriously as the punch. The event happened in front of a group of boys. DC hasn't had an issue since, from the bully or anyone else. It was absolutely the best thing that could have happened. DC got an "good for you" from his dad. Boy dynamics are different from girl's. You might consider that your husband has a better understanding of them than you do. |
Anonymous
| A great program is Responsive Classroom. They have a part of the program which focuses on anti-bullying. One person can't do anything, it takes a community. |
Anonymous
| First of all, principal is spelled "princiPAL". Second, my kid was stabbed in the arm with a pencil in 6th or 7th grade, I learned about it because the nurse had to let me know. The injury turned out to be minor. When I brought this to the attention of the HOS and principal, it was swept under the rug. Turns out the kids' parents are on the school's board (along with many other parents of enrolled students), having paid their $10,000. We since left the school. |
Anonymous
You're joking right? A kid being bullied needs help today. Not a program that works on the margins, at best, over a period of multiple years. DCPS follows Responsive Classroom too. |