If your baby & toddler were high needs...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:20:44 my daughter is doing pretty well in preschool. I actually started her in a program in January for 2 days a week and it was a bit of a rough transition, but she adjusted well after a month or two. She doesn't give the teachers as hard of a time, but she does tend to cry a lot there too about the littlest things - a kid takes her toy, she doesn't want to do the activity the class is doing, etc. But the teachers are great about getting her to calm down and move on.

To everyone else who says I am just doing it wrong... clearly you have just never experienced a truly spirited, difficult kid.

Your preschool teacher is able to calm her down but you aren't. That right there shows that you are part of the problem.

OP when your kid cries, you need to validate her feelings. That doesn't mean you have to do what she wants, but walking away from her and describing her as "too sensitive" (likely while sighing and rolling your eyes) is only going to make her act out more. Love her and appreciate her. And please don't have more children until you've learned to do that.

PP again, but a kid taking a toy away is HUGE to a toddler. You have to remember that just because things are "the littlest things" to you, an adult, doesn't mean they are to her, a small child with an extremely limited worldview. Try and see it from her perspective a little more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:20:44 my daughter is doing pretty well in preschool. I actually started her in a program in January for 2 days a week and it was a bit of a rough transition, but she adjusted well after a month or two. She doesn't give the teachers as hard of a time, but she does tend to cry a lot there too about the littlest things - a kid takes her toy, she doesn't want to do the activity the class is doing, etc. But the teachers are great about getting her to calm down and move on.

To everyone else who says I am just doing it wrong... clearly you have just never experienced a truly spirited, difficult kid.

Wrong. I have two. Look, when you post on DCUM and a lot of posters agree, especially when those posters are more experienced moms, you should listen. You need to listen to and understand your child. Walking away does not help a two year old who is emotional ( not high needs - that terminology is garbage and an excuse unless it's a medical issue ). You have ONE CHILD, who isn't even really a toddler anymore. Seems to me you really aren't cut out to stay home (nor am I, but for different reasons).

[Anonymous]

Well, I have 2 kids and have parented them both the exact same way. My 6 year old is easy and mellow, my 4.5 year old sounds a lot like your 3 year old OP. While she has gotten much easier in some ways, others have become more difficult with age (talking back, overly dramatic).

I discipline and set limits for my 4.5 year old and many times tit just doesn't work.

[Anonymous]

I am going to give one piece of advice which may make me sound kind of crazy, but have you tried giving your child probiotic supplements? Back when my daughter was a toddler, I read a study on probiotics and behavior in children that I cannot find now, but that was enough to make me start giving her probiotics. She was also a VERY colicky baby, and studies suggest that colic may be related to the amount of good bacteria in a baby's gut, so I thought there might be a link. My experience is only anecdotal, but she went from being an overly sensitive, anxious toddler with EXTREME stranger anxiety and very poor sleep to a kid who thrived in a new preschool (no tears!) and is my little sweet helper. (Being sensitive, but not oversensitive, makes discipline beyond easy, since she cares so much what others think.) Maybe it was just time (and I'd like to say good parenting) but I just wanted to throw the odd idea out there that some of it might be a physical issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am going to give one piece of advice which may make me sound kind of crazy, but have you tried giving your child probiotic supplements? Back when my daughter was a toddler, I read a study on probiotics and behavior in children that I cannot find now, but that was enough to make me start giving her probiotics. She was also a VERY colicky baby, and studies suggest that colic may be related to the amount of good bacteria in a baby's gut, so I thought there might be a link. My experience is only anecdotal, but she went from being an overly sensitive, anxious toddler with EXTREME stranger anxiety and very poor sleep to a kid who thrived in a new preschool (no tears!) and is my little sweet helper. (Being sensitive, but not oversensitive, makes discipline beyond easy, since she cares so much what others think.) Maybe it was just time (and I'd like to say good parenting) but I just wanted to throw the odd idea out there that some of it might be a physical issue.

Not according to more recent double blind studies.

[Anonymous]

OP, ignore the nasty posters. My older DD is very intense. Tested every boundary, was a high needs baby, very stubborn, the works. Needed to have everything just so. If you disturbed her routine she would fly off the rails. When she became more verbal and able to express more complex thoughts and feelings, somewhere after age 3, she started calming down a bit.

She's still intense but it's not necessarily a bad thing. In fact now that there are fewer battles over getting dressed, eating, getting out the door, getting in the door-- I actually like and appreciate her intensity. She concentrates very hard on the task at hand. She throws her whole self into what she does. It's like she feels everything more intensely. She's fun to be around. She keeps me on my toes.

It helped me to read a book called Raising Your Spirited Child. I highly recommend it.

FWIW, my second DC is not intense at all. DC2 is as mellow as DD1 is intense. Follows rules, doesn't test boundaries. Just an easy kid so far. These kids are born with certain temperaments.

[Anonymous]

Op, I can relate. I pretty much could have written your post. To answer your original question, 6 was the turning point. And now at 8 she is one of the most delightful kids ever. Still sensitive, but more able to handle it. Be patient, give her "tools" to manage her emotions, and yes, ignore her when necessary. For a kid like ours, consequences don't always work because they truly feel like they're justified in feeling the way they do (ie your shirt color is wrong and she tantrums for you to change it, so taking away a toy isn't going to work because she still firmly believes she's right and won't change next time because of the time out or lost toy. Love her for who she is and know that she will be a strong adult if you can guide her right. (Yes with limits and consequences, but also with tools like meditation)

[Anonymous]

I can't believe some of the asshat answers you're getting here. Some kids are absolutely just freaking challenging, even for the best parent. Sorry for the verbal abuse you're taking here. Talk about adding insult to injury.

Those of us who have had "high needs" or "highly sensitive" or whatever we're calling it, with reflux/no sleep/colic from day one and ongoing issues into toddlerhood absolutely know what you are describing, and it's very tough on the whole family.

[Anonymous]

I'm with you OP. My 2 year 9 month old is absolutely exhausting. We had to cut our park trip short this morning because he was not following directions and kept taking his shoes off. As we left, he threw the loudest most violent tantrum. I was totally wiped. Everything is a challenge with him - even though I set strict limits and follow through (hence the cutting our park trip short).

Ignore the bitches that insist that all kids are exactly the same if you parent them correctly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you OP. My 2 year 9 month old is absolutely exhausting. We had to cut our park trip short this morning because he was not following directions and kept taking his shoes off. As we left, he threw the loudest most violent tantrum. I was totally wiped. Everything is a challenge with him - even though I set strict limits and follow through (hence the cutting our park trip short).

Ignore the bitches that insist that all kids are exactly the same if you parent them correctly.

Why did it matter that he took his shoes off?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trust me, we spend a good chunk of the day with me ignoring her bad behavior or putting her in a time out, so I do set limits. She just pushes me on every single thing and is a very sensitive little girl. She cried today because she didn't like the shirt I was wearing and she wanted me to change - which I did not. I left the room and she cried for 5 more minutes and then moved on the the next thing, which was pulling all of her books off of her book shelf and throwing them. I told her to pick them up with me which set off World War 3 because she doesn't want them on the shelf anymore. Once again, I didn't indulge her behavior and walked away which she cried.

So when she whined at you that she didn't like your shirt, what did you do? I would have ignored. And I don't mean "Larla, I am sorry you are unhappy with my shirt choice but I get to choose what I want to wear just like you do, blah, blah, blah". I would not even have acknowledged it or I would have said "oh well" and went on with my day.

And your child isn't "sensitive", she is just a brat and gets whiny quickly because it gets your attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe some of the asshat answers you're getting here. Some kids are absolutely just freaking challenging, even for the best parent. Sorry for the verbal abuse you're taking here. Talk about adding insult to injury.

Those of us who have had "high needs" or "highly sensitive" or whatever we're calling it, with reflux/no sleep/colic from day one and ongoing issues into toddlerhood absolutely know what you are describing, and it's very tough on the whole family.

Reflux and colic I sympathize with. Calling a spoiled toddler "high needs" I don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you OP. My 2 year 9 month old is absolutely exhausting. We had to cut our park trip short this morning because he was not following directions and kept taking his shoes off. As we left, he threw the loudest most violent tantrum. I was totally wiped. Everything is a challenge with him - even though I set strict limits and follow through (hence the cutting our park trip short).

Ignore the bitches that insist that all kids are exactly the same if you parent them correctly.

All kids this age have done this. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you OP. My 2 year 9 month old is absolutely exhausting. We had to cut our park trip short this morning because he was not following directions and kept taking his shoes off. As we left, he threw the loudest most violent tantrum. I was totally wiped. Everything is a challenge with him - even though I set strict limits and follow through (hence the cutting our park trip short).

Ignore the bitches that insist that all kids are exactly the same if you parent them correctly.

All kids this age have done this. Seriously.

That was an example of the challenge THAT morning. Please learn to read. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

My nephew is a challenging kid. My sister waited until he was close to 3 to get pregnant again because he was such a handful. The baby was born when he was 3.5. It was a rough start, but now he's 4 and things are MUCH smoother. He was just a challenging kid. Incredibly stubborn, incredibly sensitive, impervious to distraction and bribes. He also had a lot of anxiety about certain social situations which made it tough to do things with him. As he approached 4 he could see more reason, he could entertain himself better, he had a bit more patience when things didn't happen perfectly and he's better able to play with friends. He will always be a challenging kid. But ages 2 and 3 were incredibly hard for my sister. 4 has been light years better in terms of that leap in maturity he needed to appreciate a little delayed gratification. Now he's happy most of the time, while still having His Weird Things that he throws fits about. All in all, she had the 2nd baby at a great time bc now they are out of the newborn stage, her older one is doing great, and they are feeling awesome as a foursome.