If your baby & toddler were high needs...

[Anonymous]

...when did it get better? Did your child ever mellow out, or do you think they will just always have a more difficult personality? And was 3 worse than 2 for you?

My almost 3 year old daughter was a very challenging baby (colic, reflux, sleep issue) who grew into a very challenging toddler (tantrums, whines all day, pushes every boundary and limit all day every day) and it's truly kicking my a$$. I SAH but she is in preschool 3 days a week so at least I get a break. DH and I always wanted 2 kids, but she has put so much stress on us and our relationship that I am pretty sure she will be an only at this point.

I hear that 3 is worse than 2 and I just can't even imagine how much worse it can get, but the past year has been intense and overwhelming to say the least. My friends all tell me that 4 is a dream age, but then again they all seem to have much easier kids so things may not be so great for us.

Please help me see the light at the end of the tunnel before I go insane.

[Anonymous]

You don't know how to set limits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't know how to set limits.

This was my instinct too, especially the toddler description. Not everyone is cut out to stay home, especially with toddlers. Throwing tantrums is par for the course, not "high needs." You decide how you react.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...when did it get better? Did your child ever mellow out, or do you think they will just always have a more difficult personality? And was 3 worse than 2 for you?

My almost 3 year old daughter was a very challenging baby (colic, reflux, sleep issue) who grew into a very challenging toddler (tantrums, whines all day, pushes every boundary and limit all day every day) and it's truly kicking my a$$. I SAH but she is in preschool 3 days a week so at least I get a break. DH and I always wanted 2 kids, but she has put so much stress on us and our relationship that I am pretty sure she will be an only at this point.

I hear that 3 is worse than 2 and I just can't even imagine how much worse it can get, but the past year has been intense and overwhelming to say the least. My friends all tell me that 4 is a dream age, but then again they all seem to have much easier kids so things may not be so great for us.

Please help me see the light at the end of the tunnel before I go insane.

In my totally anecdotal experience 2 OR 3 tends to be hell, rarely both. To answer your question it was like a switch flipped at 3.25

[Anonymous]

That's not a high needs child, its a mom over defining normal childhood needs.

[Anonymous]

Trust me, we spend a good chunk of the day with me ignoring her bad behavior or putting her in a time out, so I do set limits. She just pushes me on every single thing and is a very sensitive little girl. She cried today because she didn't like the shirt I was wearing and she wanted me to change - which I did not. I left the room and she cried for 5 more minutes and then moved on the the next thing, which was pulling all of her books off of her book shelf and throwing them. I told her to pick them up with me which set off World War 3 because she doesn't want them on the shelf anymore. Once again, I didn't indulge her behavior and walked away which she cried.

[Anonymous]

OP, my almost 3 year old boy sounds just like this. He also had colic and reflux as an infant. I have a 6 month old daughter that is way more low key than he was at the same age. I'm really hoping the PP is right in that either 2's or 3's are hell - not both! My son took it to a new level at 2.5 so maybe (hopefully) it will be 2.5-3.5. Maybe shorter if we stay consistent with the discipline/reactions. My son is beginning morning preschool next week. How is preschool going for yours? Does she tantrum there too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trust me, we spend a good chunk of the day with me ignoring her bad behavior or putting her in a time out, so I do set limits. She just pushes me on every single thing and is a very sensitive little girl. She cried today because she didn't like the shirt I was wearing and she wanted me to change - which I did not. I left the room and she cried for 5 more minutes and then moved on the the next thing, which was pulling all of her books off of her book shelf and throwing them. I told her to pick them up with me which set off World War 3 because she doesn't want them on the shelf anymore. Once again, I didn't indulge her behavior and walked away which she cried.

She thinks this is okay because you have let her think it is. Parenting: Ur doin it rong.

[Anonymous]

20:44 my daughter is doing pretty well in preschool. I actually started her in a program in January for 2 days a week and it was a bit of a rough transition, but she adjusted well after a month or two. She doesn't give the teachers as hard of a time, but she does tend to cry a lot there too about the littlest things - a kid takes her toy, she doesn't want to do the activity the class is doing, etc. But the teachers are great about getting her to calm down and move on.

To everyone else who says I am just doing it wrong... clearly you have just never experienced a truly spirited, difficult kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:20:44 my daughter is doing pretty well in preschool. I actually started her in a program in January for 2 days a week and it was a bit of a rough transition, but she adjusted well after a month or two. She doesn't give the teachers as hard of a time, but she does tend to cry a lot there too about the littlest things - a kid takes her toy, she doesn't want to do the activity the class is doing, etc. But the teachers are great about getting her to calm down and move on.

To everyone else who says I am just doing it wrong... clearly you have just never experienced a truly spirited, difficult kid.

Okay then. Your kid just sucks and there is nothing that you can do because kid was born terrible.

Better? Is that what you wanted to hear? Because that is what you think.

[Anonymous]

It's easy for people to be smug when they have easier kids. Your daughter sounds a lot like my 5-year-old son, who is sensitive, emotional, and high needs. I think some kids just have a harder time learning to manage their emotions. For us, age 3 was harder than 2. We couldn't even contemplate another kid until he was 4. Now we have another on the way, and while my son is still challenging in some ways, things are slowly improving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trust me, we spend a good chunk of the day with me ignoring her bad behavior or putting her in a time out, so I do set limits. She just pushes me on every single thing and is a very sensitive little girl. She cried today because she didn't like the shirt I was wearing and she wanted me to change - which I did not. I left the room and she cried for 5 more minutes and then moved on the the next thing, which was pulling all of her books off of her book shelf and throwing them. I told her to pick them up with me which set off World War 3 because she doesn't want them on the shelf anymore. Once again, I didn't indulge her behavior and walked away which she cried.

Walking away and ignoring is not setting limits. Sorry to be snarky but it is true. So the consequence for throwing books is walking away?

Anyway try Dr Karps happiest toddler book

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:20:44 my daughter is doing pretty well in preschool. I actually started her in a program in January for 2 days a week and it was a bit of a rough transition, but she adjusted well after a month or two. She doesn't give the teachers as hard of a time, but she does tend to cry a lot there too about the littlest things - a kid takes her toy, she doesn't want to do the activity the class is doing, etc. But the teachers are great about getting her to calm down and move on.

To everyone else who says I am just doing it wrong... clearly you have just never experienced a truly spirited, difficult kid.

Okay then. Your kid just sucks and there is nothing that you can do because kid was born terrible.

Better? Is that what you wanted to hear? Because that is what you think.

Some kids are much more difficult than others. I had 2 easy kids. Then I had my third. Had the third come first, I would have had an only.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:20:44 my daughter is doing pretty well in preschool. I actually started her in a program in January for 2 days a week and it was a bit of a rough transition, but she adjusted well after a month or two. She doesn't give the teachers as hard of a time, but she does tend to cry a lot there too about the littlest things - a kid takes her toy, she doesn't want to do the activity the class is doing, etc. But the teachers are great about getting her to calm down and move on.

To everyone else who says I am just doing it wrong... clearly you have just never experienced a truly spirited, difficult kid.

Your preschool teacher is able to calm her down but you aren't. That right there shows that you are part of the problem.

OP when your kid cries, you need to validate her feelings. That doesn't mean you have to do what she wants, but walking away from her and describing her as "too sensitive" (likely while sighing and rolling your eyes) is only going to make her act out more. Love her and appreciate her. And please don't have more children until you've learned to do that.

[Anonymous]

20:58 again. If you haven't read it, I recommend Elaine Aron's The Highly Sensitive Child. I think it helps address some of the issues you're dealing with.