Spin off: have you ever coerced someone into a physical relationship

[Anonymous]

Does begging and pleading count?

[Anonymous]

44 year old guy here. Not even once have I done that. I'd rather have someone who was really into me.

[Anonymous]

I was very blunt with a guy once. I didn't tell him he needed to sleep with me or lie to him, but he made a joke that he finally understood how women felt pressured to have sex. I made it clear that I didn't want to do anything that made him uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

I've never done anything OP refers to, but I traveled almost every week for work in my single 20s and hooked up dozens of times. I often said things to indicate this could be the start of a relationship rather a one night (or one week) stand. This was before social media (even before cell phones for a while) and I rarely had any contact after leaving town.

[Anonymous]

A woman tried to do this with me once (I am a man). She tried to make me think that we could have a relationship but I knew it would not work out. She was a very nice person and I did not do the deed because I would have felt awful. Don't know whatever happened to her but do hope she found somebody to love.

[Anonymous]

Would this conversation count?

Situation: first hookup with a guy I'd known for a few months. Could either be a ONS or the start of a FWB type deal, not specified at the time. Both knew it wouldn't be a relationship.

I was using my hand on him, and he was getting pretty worked up.

Him: we should stop
Me: do you want me to stop?
Silence

Few minutes later...
Him: we really should stop now
Me: if you want me to stop, I will
Silence

Few minutes later...
Him: ok, now we really need to stop
Me: I will stop as soon as you tell me that you WANT me to stop
Him: but... But... I don't have a condom or anything...
Me: oh, that's what you're concerned about? Don't worry, I have another idea... (gave him a bj to completion)

I worried a little that I may have been too aggressive, but he told me later that he loved it. And he did come back for more the next week, turning it into a FWB arrangement that lasted for a little over a year, so I don't really feel bad for ignoring his initial "we should stop".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would this conversation count?

Situation: first hookup with a guy I'd known for a few months. Could either be a ONS or the start of a FWB type deal, not specified at the time. Both knew it wouldn't be a relationship.

I was using my hand on him, and he was getting pretty worked up.

Him: we should stop
Me: do you want me to stop?
Silence

Few minutes later...
Him: we really should stop now
Me: if you want me to stop, I will
Silence

Few minutes later...
Him: ok, now we really need to stop
Me: I will stop as soon as you tell me that you WANT me to stop
Him: but... But... I don't have a condom or anything...
Me: oh, that's what you're concerned about? Don't worry, I have another idea... (gave him a bj to completion)

I worried a little that I may have been too aggressive, but he told me later that he loved it. And he did come back for more the next week, turning it into a FWB arrangement that lasted for a little over a year, so I don't really feel bad for ignoring his initial "we should stop".

So conflicted with this one. That story is hot, and part of what makes it hot is the woman pushing through resistance. I would love if this had happened to me.

On the other hand, "no means no," you are supposed to get enthusiastic consent, and a dude who did this to a woman could get in trouble if he testified to these events after criminal charges were pressed if the woman retrospectively had regrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would this conversation count?

Situation: first hookup with a guy I'd known for a few months. Could either be a ONS or the start of a FWB type deal, not specified at the time. Both knew it wouldn't be a relationship.

I was using my hand on him, and he was getting pretty worked up.

Him: we should stop
Me: do you want me to stop?
Silence

Few minutes later...
Him: we really should stop now
Me: if you want me to stop, I will
Silence

Few minutes later...
Him: ok, now we really need to stop
Me: I will stop as soon as you tell me that you WANT me to stop
Him: but... But... I don't have a condom or anything...
Me: oh, that's what you're concerned about? Don't worry, I have another idea... (gave him a bj to completion)

I worried a little that I may have been too aggressive, but he told me later that he loved it. And he did come back for more the next week, turning it into a FWB arrangement that lasted for a little over a year, so I don't really feel bad for ignoring his initial "we should stop".

Okay, I just need to say that if you've known someone for a few months and then hook up with them, it's not a one night stand. Even if you never see or talk to them again afterwards. One night stands are when you meet someone for the first time, have sex with them, and then don't see or speak to them afterwards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've never done that exactly. I did beg for someone to stay, and he stayed longer than he would if I hadn't made him felt guilty for leaving. I'm not proud of it, but it is what it is.

This. My college boyfriend, I cried and begged him to stick around when he tried to dump me. Not a proud moment for me but I was young and scared of being alone. I realized the next day what a horses ass I'd been and apologized.

I had a woman do this to me (not you, PP, it was well after college), but she didn't apologize. I felt really bad for her, that at that time she felt that sex was the only way to get me to stay -- truly naked to me in every sense. She has since found herself and (from what I can tell from a reasonable distance) seems to be at a great place, personally. On the other side of the ledger, I do recall trying to coerce a college girlfriend into sex (she was still a virgin) with every trick in a 20yo's book, but she had terrific personal willpower and wouldn't give in. Good for her. She later married virgin (I believe) and seems to be wonderfully happy with her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've never done that exactly. I did beg for someone to stay, and he stayed longer than he would if I hadn't made him felt guilty for leaving. I'm not proud of it, but it is what it is.

This. My college boyfriend, I cried and begged him to stick around when he tried to dump me. Not a proud moment for me but I was young and scared of being alone. I realized the next day what a horses ass I'd been and apologized.

I had a woman do this to me (not you, PP, it was well after college), but she didn't apologize. I felt really bad for her, that at that time she felt that sex was the only way to get me to stay -- truly naked to me in every sense. She has since found herself and (from what I can tell from a reasonable distance) seems to be at a great place, personally. On the other side of the ledger, I do recall trying to coerce a college girlfriend into sex (she was still a virgin) with every trick in a 20yo's book, but she had terrific personal willpower and wouldn't give in. Good for her. She later married virgin (I believe) and seems to be wonderfully happy with her life.

The college virginal GF story - That's not coercion - that's trying to tempt or entice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've never done that exactly. I did beg for someone to stay, and he stayed longer than he would if I hadn't made him felt guilty for leaving. I'm not proud of it, but it is what it is.

This. My college boyfriend, I cried and begged him to stick around when he tried to dump me. Not a proud moment for me but I was young and scared of being alone. I realized the next day what a horses ass I'd been and apologized.

I had a woman do this to me (not you, PP, it was well after college), but she didn't apologize. I felt really bad for her, that at that time she felt that sex was the only way to get me to stay -- truly naked to me in every sense. She has since found herself and (from what I can tell from a reasonable distance) seems to be at a great place, personally. On the other side of the ledger, I do recall trying to coerce a college girlfriend into sex (she was still a virgin) with every trick in a 20yo's book, but she had terrific personal willpower and wouldn't give in. Good for her. She later married virgin (I believe) and seems to be wonderfully happy with her life.

The college virginal GF story - That's not coercion - that's trying to tempt or entice.

Same thing. Different words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've never done that exactly. I did beg for someone to stay, and he stayed longer than he would if I hadn't made him felt guilty for leaving. I'm not proud of it, but it is what it is.

This. My college boyfriend, I cried and begged him to stick around when he tried to dump me. Not a proud moment for me but I was young and scared of being alone. I realized the next day what a horses ass I'd been and apologized.

I had a woman do this to me (not you, PP, it was well after college), but she didn't apologize. I felt really bad for her, that at that time she felt that sex was the only way to get me to stay -- truly naked to me in every sense. She has since found herself and (from what I can tell from a reasonable distance) seems to be at a great place, personally. On the other side of the ledger, I do recall trying to coerce a college girlfriend into sex (she was still a virgin) with every trick in a 20yo's book, but she had terrific personal willpower and wouldn't give in. Good for her. She later married virgin (I believe) and seems to be wonderfully happy with her life.

The college virginal GF story - That's not coercion - that's trying to tempt or entice.

Same thing. Different words.

OP here, I agree. This is my point. He knew she did not want to, but heck he would try any way. At the end, his gratification mattered to him more than her values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've never done that exactly. I did beg for someone to stay, and he stayed longer than he would if I hadn't made him felt guilty for leaving. I'm not proud of it, but it is what it is.

This. My college boyfriend, I cried and begged him to stick around when he tried to dump me. Not a proud moment for me but I was young and scared of being alone. I realized the next day what a horses ass I'd been and apologized.

I had a woman do this to me (not you, PP, it was well after college), but she didn't apologize. I felt really bad for her, that at that time she felt that sex was the only way to get me to stay -- truly naked to me in every sense. She has since found herself and (from what I can tell from a reasonable distance) seems to be at a great place, personally. On the other side of the ledger, I do recall trying to coerce a college girlfriend into sex (she was still a virgin) with every trick in a 20yo's book, but she had terrific personal willpower and wouldn't give in. Good for her. She later married virgin (I believe) and seems to be wonderfully happy with her life.

around here, people would have you believe that it is impossible for someone to be a virgin at marriage and be happy.