Frustrated with my husband's health choices

[Anonymous]

Any advice? YES. Quit bugging your husband. He will just wind up hating you. Your husband is hiding his addiction from you so you'll quit nagging him and thinking he's a failure.

The best thing you can do for your husband is to quietly encourage healthier eating and exercise habits. If he's still hungry after dinner, then he's not being fed enough (no, I'm not blaming you - boys and men eat an astonishing amount of food). Go easy on the carbs but give him twice the protein and veggies. You're probably making dinners that you want to eat or think are healthy. But your husband probably wants pot roast, pork chops, and other hearty meals. These foods do not have to be unhealthy.

You say you make your husband healthy snacks. Give him something that he likes and that will fill him up - hard boiled eggs, pita and hummus, a nice salad with protein and cheese, whatever works for him. You didn't mention breakfast. Make sure he has something filling (e.g., oatmeal) that doesn't involve sugar.

In terms of exercise, you might suggest that you two take a nightly walk around the neighborhood - as a bonding experience, not exercise. You can set a brisk pace. Maybe (although unlikely) he enjoys dancing. That would be something fun to do together. There has to be something he'd enjoy (tennis, racquetball, ...), especially with someone else.

You could also (gently) tell him inspirational stories of how baby steps can really improve your health. For instance, I started working out on a treadmill 15 minutes each day. That's it - you probably think that's pathetic. But it's had a dramatic impact on my blood pressure, way more than I could have imagined. I bet it would improve your husbands glucose levels as well. I would have started earlier if I had known that such a small effort would have such a big impact.

I know that this is frustrating and that you feel like you shouldn't have to indulge your husband like this. But this is the give and take of marriage. If you really want him to change, then you'll have to be supportive, not critical. I can almost guarantee that if you continue to convey the impression that your husband is a flawed, selfish human being with no will power that it will seriously undermine your marriage. I wish you the best.

[Anonymous]

I would strongly suggest a third party involvement (nutritionist). The dynamics of a wife telling/advising a spouse regarding food issues are doomed. Visiting a doctor's office every 6 months is not enough. Be honest and tell him that you do not want the job of "food police". Explain that you are scared for him and find him a nutritionist.

[Anonymous]

First off, this is not entirely your husband's fault. People can eat junk all day long and not develop HBP, high cholesterol, diabetes. Since he developed HBP first he is likely on medication that makes him more insulin resistant. Insulin resistance is a precursor to diabetes and, yes, it can turn into diabetes.

Your husband could eat like an average coworker/friend/wife and the way he processes sugars/carbs is not the same. This is a metabolic issue for him not just bad habits.

It is hard work staying on top of diabetes. He can meet with a nutritionist but it will still mean limiting his diet in rather drastic ways. Few people would readily eat the diet if they didn't have to do. It is not just calorie counting.

Op - I would suggest that YOU meet with a nutritionist yourself to learn about what your husband is up against.

Your husband may not be an avid athlete but I'll bet he enjoys walking around by himself and being able to see. He needs to get control of his condition.

[Anonymous]

OP, you cannot change your husband. You already know this because you've tried. So if you continue to nag him you will only increase the tension in your marriage. If he'll see an outside person like a nutritionist, that would be great. I suspect there's some compulsiveness here and something like Overeaters Anonymous may be helpful. Compulsive eating is an eating disorder.

Ultimately this is like any other habit in a spouse that you cannot control. You have to decide if you can live with it or not and act accordingly. And because of the stress on you, and the fact that there is an emotional/compulsive aspect to your husband's eating, you may want to see a therapist to help you negotiate what to do.

This is not about making the right foods or saying the right things.

As for the PP who thinks being thin is an achievement by which people's virtue can be measured, I agree with the poster who said . . . controlling, very controlling.

[Anonymous]

I developed HBP when I was thin! It runs in my family. I was put on meds and suddenly I developed high cholesterol and started to gain weight. It took years for me to see the connection between the HBP medicine and insulin resistance.

Yes, I can control my blood sugar by eating right and exercising. It is extremely difficult for me to lose weight now.

[Anonymous]

OP, you say he is taking bp meds and metformin. That's really the important thing, I would be upset if I knew my DH wasn't taking his meds.

Diabetes/prediabetes/metabolic syndrome/syndrome X is difficult. While a LCHF diet may hold it off, for a few years or for some people indefinitely, most people progress. It's not his "fault", it's his body.

Honestly, while he could make different eating choices, he probably knows all this. Having diabetes is scary, and you don't sound like you are sympathetic to him or supportive. Just nagging. If his a1C is going in the wrong direction, then rather than trying to change his diet for him, love him. He has health issues, which you've known about for years. That's who he is, who you are married to.

[Anonymous]

Get some life insurance on him stat. That's basically all you can do.

[Anonymous]

Go to a nutritionist and HELP your husband. Make some meals that appeal to him and that you are also willing to eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get some life insurance on him stat. That's basically all you can do.

I have family members that have lived with it well into their 80's. It's not a death sentence but it is something that you have to take seriously. The sooner the better.

[Anonymous]

I don't really get the sense that OP is nagging him. It sounds like she's been trying to be helpful but her DH is resistant to change his habits. I don't blame her for feeling frustrated. If her DH has been ignoring the doctor's advice and eating whatever he wants then he is acting very selfishly. But he has to be the one who wants to change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't really get the sense that OP is nagging him. It sounds like she's been trying to be helpful but her DH is resistant to change his habits. I don't blame her for feeling frustrated. If her DH has been ignoring the doctor's advice and eating whatever he wants then he is acting very selfishly. But he has to be the one who wants to change.

The nutritionist's advice may not have been helpful anyway. The ADA diet is high-carb, and the most recent thinking is that LCHF is better. She is trying to change his eating habits for him unsuccessfully, and he's dealing with a scary diagnosis in his own way, what you term "very selfishly". If she is cooking dinner every night, then she should enlist his input on what he wants to eat, and what he should be eating, rather than preparing meals that leave him hungry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP just for full context, how is his weight and blood pressure?

He's 6'0" and probably around 250 lbs. I don't know his blood pressure offhand. He's on meds, although DH says it's because he goes to the dr in the afternoon when he's stressed from work so it's higher than normal. -OP

That's a load of shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't really get the sense that OP is nagging him. It sounds like she's been trying to be helpful but her DH is resistant to change his habits. I don't blame her for feeling frustrated. If her DH has been ignoring the doctor's advice and eating whatever he wants then he is acting very selfishly. But he has to be the one who wants to change.

That is true, but look at OPs stats on him: He has HBP, diabetes and is 6' tall weighing 250 pounds. He is a ticking time bomb for a coronary or other health situation, plus he is doing long term damage to organs like the kidneys. I wonder how frank his doctor has actually been with him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't really get the sense that OP is nagging him. It sounds like she's been trying to be helpful but her DH is resistant to change his habits. I don't blame her for feeling frustrated. If her DH has been ignoring the doctor's advice and eating whatever he wants then he is acting very selfishly. But he has to be the one who wants to change.

The nutritionist's advice may not have been helpful anyway. The ADA diet is high-carb, and the most recent thinking is that LCHF is better. She is trying to change his eating habits for him unsuccessfully, and he's dealing with a scary diagnosis in his own way, what you term "very selfishly". If she is cooking dinner every night, then she should enlist his input on what he wants to eat, and what he should be eating, rather than preparing meals that leave him hungry.

Metformin is the game changer. I don't know that you can eat LCHF if you are taking Metformin. That is why someone needs to get educated on what this guy is supposed to be eating.

[Anonymous]

Sigh. I could be your husband. I am eating myself to death and I can't stop myself. I'm working myself up to going for therapy or some other help - because at least I know that what I am doing is not working.