Frustrated with my husband's health choices

[Anonymous]

There's no reason why your homecooked meals cannot fill up your husband. Sounds like they need to be bigger or more filling. I bet your lunches are the same way.

Are your dinners involving a meat (as much as he wants), a healthy starch like brown rice or black eyed peas or a sweet potatoe or even a regular one heck (as much as he wants), and a veggie? Any homecooked meal beats chips or crackers or dessert or take out.

Are your lunches yummy filling to him? Like a tunafish sub on a wheat sub roll with onions and lettuce? Or homemade chicken salad? I bet he is a sandwich guy.

I disagree with prior posters - most men do NOT cook. It is the responsibility, unfortunately, of the wife to feed the husband well and kids most of the time. I do have an aquantaince whose husband is a chef, and another friend who cant cook much and lets her BF do it, but these cases are RARE. Oh, and the friend who doesn't cook much has terrible cholesterol.

[Anonymous]

OP here. When I cook meals for him they are things he likes. I cook separate meals for the two of us because we have very different tastes and he is very picky about refusing to try new things. I don't eat meat and he does. I've posted on the food board about that recently trying to get some new ideas.

He just has it ingrained in his head that he needs to eat a ton of food to feel satisfied. When we go out to eat he'll ask the server what the most filling or biggest item is. He has no concept of reasonable serving size because he eats in restaurants so frequently. He thinks packs of meat meant for families are individual portions.

I have not been nagging him because I know if I do it will drive him in the opposite direction. I admit that my frustration got the best of me when he told me about his latest results.

It may be his body's way of processing things but he's had years to turn this around. I know a little bit about what it feels like since I had gestational diabetes. I listened to my doctors and took their advice and took it seriously. I do think it would have been selfish not to. I know having had GD puts me at risk for developing diabetes later in life so I limit carbs and sugar. And, yes, I do think DH has been acting selfishly. But I know I need to keep my feelings out of this and be there to support him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. When I cook meals for him they are things he likes. I cook separate meals for the two of us because we have very different tastes and he is very picky about refusing to try new things. I don't eat meat and he does. I've posted on the food board about that recently trying to get some new ideas.

He just has it ingrained in his head that he needs to eat a ton of food to feel satisfied. When we go out to eat he'll ask the server what the most filling or biggest item is. He has no concept of reasonable serving size because he eats in restaurants so frequently. He thinks packs of meat meant for families are individual portions.

I have not been nagging him because I know if I do it will drive him in the opposite direction. I admit that my frustration got the best of me when he told me about his latest results.

It may be his body's way of processing things but he's had years to turn this around. I know a little bit about what it feels like since I had gestational diabetes. I listened to my doctors and took their advice and took it seriously. I do think it would have been selfish not to. I know having had GD puts me at risk for developing diabetes later in life so I limit carbs and sugar. And, yes, I do think DH has been acting selfishly. But I know I need to keep my feelings out of this and be there to support him.

You do. But somehow, OP, you have got to get his attention to the seriousness of this. This is not merely a "difference of opinion" on your part. I go back to his doctor. How frank with him has his doctor been?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. When I cook meals for him they are things he likes. I cook separate meals for the two of us because we have very different tastes and he is very picky about refusing to try new things. I don't eat meat and he does. I've posted on the food board about that recently trying to get some new ideas.

He just has it ingrained in his head that he needs to eat a ton of food to feel satisfied. When we go out to eat he'll ask the server what the most filling or biggest item is. He has no concept of reasonable serving size because he eats in restaurants so frequently. He thinks packs of meat meant for families are individual portions.

I have not been nagging him because I know if I do it will drive him in the opposite direction. I admit that my frustration got the best of me when he told me about his latest results.

It may be his body's way of processing things but he's had years to turn this around. I know a little bit about what it feels like since I had gestational diabetes. I listened to my doctors and took their advice and took it seriously. I do think it would have been selfish not to. I know having had GD puts me at risk for developing diabetes later in life so I limit carbs and sugar. And, yes, I do think DH has been acting selfishly. But I know I need to keep my feelings out of this and be there to support him.

Just wanted to point out, the treatment that GD patients receive is extremely different than regular GPs give to regular prediabetics/diabetics. It's unlikely that his doctor has treated him anything like you were treated during your pregnancy, and your DH may not know as much as you or care as much, because of it.

[Anonymous]

Also GD lasts maybe a few months. Anyone can eat a limited diet for a few months. But try doing it forever...every day, from here on out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also GD lasts maybe a few months. Anyone can eat a limited diet for a few months. But try doing it forever...every day, from here on out.

Many people call GD basically a prediabetic state. You *do* have to watch it forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also GD lasts maybe a few months. Anyone can eat a limited diet for a few months. But try doing it forever...every day, from here on out.

Many people call GD basically a prediabetic state. You *do* have to watch it forever.

Maybe. But I think that more women "watch out for it" than actually change their eating habits because GD is generally looked at as pregnancy related with a greater chance of developing diabetes down the road. In other words, something that will happen to them in the future, not a here and now problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I have not been nagging him because I know if I do it will drive him in the opposite direction. I admit that my frustration got the best of me when he told me about his latest results.

You may not think you're nagging him, but your behavior seems naggy to me, and your attitude towards him is likely clear even if you think you're hiding it.

You're right that nagging will drive him (is driving him) in the opposite direction. You need to believe -- really believe -- that he is in charge of his own body even when he makes choices you don't like. (I am not saying "approve of," because you have no right to approve or disapprove of what another adult does with her or his own body.)

Once you accept that, apologize for your past attitude. Ask him if there are things you could do that would be helpful to him. You're cooking things he likes, but he's still hungry. What else does he want you to serve that would be OK for his blood sugar? Does he have ideas about what might work better than what he's been doing? Are there other changes he would make if he thought they were possible? Maybe he's not doing them because he doesn't want to hear you dump another load of negativity on him.

[Anonymous]

OP here with an update. Since I originally wrote this DH has lost about 15 pounds by changing his eating habits. I'm sure a lot of it is water weight, but it's motivating him and I'm really proud of the changes he has chosen to make. Today he even went into the basement to workout on the equipment we have. His goal is to get down to 215 by the end of the calendar year and at that point he says he'll visit with a dietician to get advice about how to maintain the loss long term and how to enjoy some other foods in moderation and not adversely affect his health.

I posted on here because I was scared and didn't know how to help him. Thanks to those who gave me constructive advice.

[Anonymous]

Congratulations to you and your husband! That's exciting. Keep telling him how proud you are of him and what a great job he is doing. It'll make a difference, keeping positive.

Yay!

[Anonymous]

OP here. I'm sitting in a hospital room on the West Coast. DH had a heart attack this morning while we were on vacation. Thankfully it was relatively minor and he did not need surgical intervention.

I don't even know why I'm posting here. But I'm sitting here completely alone in a strange place where I don't know a soul and although very relieved at the outcome, I'm inwardly furious at him. This was completely of his own doing.

This was a serious situation and should not have been going on this long. Maybe I'm wrong to feel this way and I'm being heartless. But I can't muster up much sympathy for him right now. I may feel differently tomorrow but tonight I'm in a dark place.

[Anonymous]

Dear OP, you are scared shitless and have empathy fatigue. That's normal. Please take care of yourself during this stressful time!

[Anonymous]

You're in a scary situation OP, and one you feared would happen.

I hope things turn out alright. He has started on a better path, right? It was too late to stop this from happening, but he can carry on that better path and be okay.

Take care of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Op your feelings are very valid and I know the frustration first hand - I have a father in law who has almost identical health issues and food habits. I am glad for the outcome and hope DH stays on his new found diet for you and the child

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, op, that's really scary. I'm glad it was a minor heart attack and I'm sure this will be a wake up call for him.

Don't be hard on him, he's just as scared as you are.