Am I right to be made over lost urn?

[Anonymous]

OMG - yes, I would be mad and the PPs are being ridiculous.

How the hell do you lose an urn? That's truly awful.

[Anonymous]

Losing ashes does happen. Didn't anyone else see the several reports on the local TV news a few months back, about the lost container of ashes that was finally returned to the family in this area? I've seen other such news items over the years. If cousin moves around a lot and trusts to moving firms, this could happen. It doesn't mean cousin was evil or even careless, if the urn was among other belongings that movers were trusted to transport.

Anyway, OP, I get why you're upset. I'd have been upset in your shoes too. But it's done now. Rather than focus on the loss and on whether to be mad at your cousin, consider turning this around if you can. Would it give you some sense of connection with your late godmother if you donated some money to a charity you know she supported? Or if you donated, say, a bench with a memorial plaque on it, at her favorite park? Provided something that's needed by her church or synagogue if she was religious (new piano, funds for a kids' program, whatever)?

You might have done such things already when she died. But if not, I think I'd take this sad news about losing the ashes and make it the occasion for some kind of further commemoration of her through a charity, or something that benefits others in a very tangible way. That can be the focus for you, and though it can't replace her ashes, you can look on it as perpetuating her memory in a way that helps other people, which mere possession of her ashes would not do.

[Anonymous]

If she's moved several times, I can totally see stuff getting lost. Moving companies can be awful. I can see the symbolism, but in the end, its just a symbol.

[Anonymous]

No, op you don't. It was her relative and your godmother. If your godmother had wanted you to have her ashes as opposed to her granddaughter, she would have specified such. She did not and you have no claim to the ashes.

[Anonymous]

I didn't want to claim the ashes. It just seems like an adult should be able to have more respect for the memory of someone than to just lose their ashes. What if a relative loses great grandma's china? What about if they lose a family heirloom? I have a hard time believing people are really this lax about things.

I am not mad at my cousin, just sort of perplexed as to how one could be so careless.

[Anonymous]

I have to say I find the idea of keeping ashes around to be totally creepy. Either bury them or scatter them, but who wants someone's cremated remains in their house. It's certainly a little odd to lose them, but I sure wouldn't be mad about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't want to claim the ashes. It just seems like an adult should be able to have more respect for the memory of someone than to just lose their ashes. What if a relative loses great grandma's china? What about if they lose a family heirloom? I have a hard time believing people are really this lax about things.

I am not mad at my cousin, just sort of perplexed as to how one could be so careless.

Because stuff happens....I guess you never lose anything, make a mistake. You sound like a pill!

[Anonymous]

I would be upset because I would have wanted her to be buried or scattered somewhere I could visit and leave flowers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't want to claim the ashes. It just seems like an adult should be able to have more respect for the memory of someone than to just lose their ashes. What if a relative loses great grandma's china? What about if they lose a family heirloom? I have a hard time believing people are really this lax about things.

I am not mad at my cousin, just sort of perplexed as to how one could be so careless.

Because stuff happens....I guess you never lose anything, make a mistake. You sound like a pill!

Not OP but that's a pretty big mistake. I would assume that the cousin was not fond of her grandmother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't want to claim the ashes. It just seems like an adult should be able to have more respect for the memory of someone than to just lose their ashes. What if a relative loses great grandma's china? What about if they lose a family heirloom? I have a hard time believing people are really this lax about things.

I am not mad at my cousin, just sort of perplexed as to how one could be so careless.

THINGS aren't memories. And um, your title I THINK was meant to say "am I right to be MAD over lost urn". So which is it? You are mad or you aren't?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't want to claim the ashes. It just seems like an adult should be able to have more respect for the memory of someone than to just lose their ashes. What if a relative loses great grandma's china? What about if they lose a family heirloom? I have a hard time believing people are really this lax about things.

I am not mad at my cousin, just sort of perplexed as to how one could be so careless.

Good grief. Mind your own business. It was her property to keep, lose, or dispose of. Your godmother would be disappointed that such a minor thing would come between you at all.

[Anonymous]

Op here.


It hasn't come between us. I never told her that I was annoyed. If I am to be totally honest on this board I will elaborate as to why I was taken aback by it.
When he grandmother first died, a lot of the family was all over and we couldn't all afford to fly to the funeral. A number of us (my cousin's siblings, my siblings and other relatives) decided that we would have an ash scattering ceremony for my godmother. We have all just gotten settled into lives (at the time of her death, we were in college,etc) .

We have been talking about planning the ceremony to have the ashes scattered in a spot where we know she wanted to have as her final resting place. I called my cousin to tell her that we were going to start planning and she said that she doesn't know where the urn is. She said that in her previous apartment, she discovered it was missing but after moving she expected to find in amongst her storage items. So there will be no scattering. Again, I know we can have a celebration to just commemorate my godmother but honestly. I think it is more of the fact that she lost the urn, it just seems to be a sign of disrespect to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't want to claim the ashes. It just seems like an adult should be able to have more respect for the memory of someone than to just lose their ashes. What if a relative loses great grandma's china? What about if they lose a family heirloom? I have a hard time believing people are really this lax about things.

I am not mad at my cousin, just sort of perplexed as to how one could be so careless.

Because stuff happens....I guess you never lose anything, make a mistake. You sound like a pill!

Not OP but that's a pretty big mistake. I would assume that the cousin was not fond of her grandmother.

Are you people really this nonchalant? The cousin lost an urn! Wtf?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp's would you be okay if the funeral home lost a loved ones body?

Not the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp's would you be okay if the funeral home lost a loved ones body?

Not the same.

Why not? It's just a body right? Not your memories, right? Just a vessel?