Reply to Am I right to be made over lost urn?

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[quote=Anonymous]Losing ashes does happen. Didn't anyone else see the several reports on the local TV news a few months back, about the lost container of ashes that was finally returned to the family in this area? I've seen other such news items over the years. If cousin moves around a lot and trusts to moving firms, this could happen. It doesn't mean cousin was evil or even careless, if the urn was among other belongings that movers were trusted to transport.

Anyway, OP, I get why you're upset. I'd have been upset in your shoes too. But it's done now. Rather than focus on the loss and on whether to be mad at your cousin, consider turning this around if you can. Would it give you some sense of connection with your late godmother if you donated some money to a charity you know she supported? Or if you donated, say, a bench with a memorial plaque on it, at her favorite park? Provided something that's needed by her church or synagogue if she was religious (new piano, funds for a kids' program, whatever)?

You might have done such things already when she died. But if not, I think I'd take this sad news about losing the ashes and make it the occasion for some kind of further commemoration of her through a charity, or something that benefits others in a very tangible way. That can be the focus for you, and though it can't replace her ashes, you can look on it as perpetuating her memory in a way that helps other people, which mere possession of her ashes would not do.[/quote]

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