Mom, we must be rich right? How to respond.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op again. I guess I really don't feel comfortable with how to talk about wealth and I'm looking for some tips. Dh and I gre up middle class and we are doing quite well. I usually say stuff like "dad and I work very hard. If you study hard and get a good job you will be able to afford what you want to buy." I don't want our kids thinking this is the norm.

Say the bolded part.

Especially if you add "We happen to have jobs that pay us a lot of money. There are a lot of people who work very, very hard and still don't make very much money. Yes, we're lucky, and that's why we make sure to share our good fortune with others."

[Anonymous]

I agree with several PPs. The "middle class BS", the suggestion to ask him for more info (I'd use this to guide the conversation), the answer "yes". All good.

[Anonymous]

Why is an innocent 6 year old thinking about this? Wealth should not be on your child's radar.

[Anonymous]

You could do what my dad did and say quote Bill Cosby and say some version of "your mother and I are rich, you have nothing." I realize it is now frowned upon to quote Cosby but I do think there is something to be said for that general philosophy.

[Anonymous]

"Yes, Billy, we are very fortunate that your Dad and I both make a lot of money. Why do you ask?"

Don't tell him you're not rich if you are, or that anyone can be rich or "buy everything they need" if they work hard. Both are untrue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is an innocent 6 year old thinking about this? Wealth should not be on your child's radar.

I grew up rich and I remember a classmate just loved my house, room and yard. I had never realized before that it was different than others. I was 8 and it's something that sticks out in my mind.

[Anonymous]

I'm not rich, but when my kids ask if we're poor I say we're fortunate that we have everything we need and more. It occurs to me that you could say the same thing.

I agree that working hard is no guarantee of wealth. If you want to throw some values in there maybe you could add: and we're also fortunate to have a healthy family. (Or great friends or the ability to do work that makes makes a difference in the world or whatever it is you value).

[Anonymous]

I always refer to it as "luck" with young children. MANY of us go to great colleges, work hard, and we are not rich. I emphasize the importance of working hard, and also acknowledge that sometimes it's not fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could do what my dad did and say quote Bill Cosby and say some version of "your mother and I are rich, you have nothing." I realize it is now frowned upon to quote Cosby but I do think there is something to be said for that general philosophy.

+1

[Anonymous]

It's not all that important how you answer his question, or the semantics you use. What matters is how you and your partner treat others and what you expect of your children in terms of humility and respect for people who are different from you for whatever reasons.

I went to school with plenty of rich people's children. Some are raised to think they are entitled to everything and don't have to earn a thing. Others are raised with strong values and expectations not just for their achievement and professional success, but for their character. Richest girl I knew in school had 30 horses at the family ranch in her home country. Family was delightful, made everyone feel warmly welcome in their home. She grew up to be a doctor who cares for poor patients. I doubt the answers her parents gave to questions about their status influenced the person she is as much as the way they lived their lives.

[Anonymous]

We are very lucky to have jobs that pay us well/have savings that we have been given. We are careful to spend our money in good ways (that leaves the door open to decline purchases he may request thinking you always can afford it) and we try to help people who aren't as lucky (always instill charity in your kids!)

Then you can do a chat about what money can and can't buy, the benefits of good education and hard work, and how to keep things in perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could do what my dad did and say quote Bill Cosby and say some version of "your mother and I are rich, you have nothing." I realize it is now frowned upon to quote Cosby but I do think there is something to be said for that general philosophy.

+1. This is what I would say.

[Anonymous]

I would never tell a child that age anything that I didn't want him to blab to anyone who will listen, including teachers and other parents. "We're rich. My mom told me that."

[Anonymous]

Umm. How about a flat out "Grown ups don't talk to kids about grown up money. You have all the things you need and you are very lucky."

He will persist. You repeat. Shift the conversation into "People can do three things with money; spend on things you need and a few you want, and if you are lucky to have some left over you should save some of it. If you're lucky to have even more leftover you can share some to help other people."

That's all I tell my kid about money right now.

Your canned line about working hard = payday is totally offensive. If you think and teach that simply working hard earns one wealth or guaranteed comfort, you're setting your kid up to believe a fallacy and potentially confuse or offend the garbage man's kid. Truth is he will probably be rich because you are, but he'll know that on his own one day. For now, shut the talk down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could do what my dad did and say quote Bill Cosby and say some version of "your mother and I are rich, you have nothing." I realize it is now frowned upon to quote Cosby but I do think there is something to be said for that general philosophy.

I jokingly say that to my DS. I'm a teacher and I work harder than most people I know and we aren't rich. Some months, I have to rob Peter to pay Paul. I do talk to my DS about some jobs paying more money than others.