How do you and DH spend your evenings, after the kids are in bed?

[Anonymous]

We actually have an adult conversation. Sometimes we grip about politics, sometimes juicy neighborhood gossip, or whatever else is on our minds.

[Anonymous]

Ok, the "cuddle then sex" post was too annoying. I think its a reality that most couples now (especially both working) have to do a little work/tv-zone out time at night. My husband does this much more than I but I am also gulty of being an early downer (too tired after being with kids all day!) and DH is a late to bed type. So our schedules do not always align but we're talking about it and trying to find more together timee that works. I think the poster that reserved one night a week is very realistic and smart!

[Anonymous]

After putting the baby down, we make dinner (well, I do), eat dinner, watch some TV, talk about our days and the baby and what's going on in the world, get bills or laundry or other chores done, respond to personal emails or phone calls, and wind down the evening with cuddling, foot rubs or back massages or occasionally sex.

I like the suggestion of implementing a No-TV-or-Computer night. It's hard because it's so tempting to want to zone out on those things, but whenever we do spend an evening just reading together on the sofa or playing a game, we always say we should do it more often. We'd also be probably having a lot more sex.

[Anonymous]

Interesting thread. I am a single mother so I always wondered what a 2 parent household was like on nights and weekends. Sadly, I do chores once my DD is asleep. Laundry (and lots of it), cleaning up dishes, packing lunches, some light cleaning and then if I have any energy at all, I watch TV for a little while checking email. I always thought 2 parents HHs had more interesting lives than mine but thanks for the reality check.

[Anonymous]

He works on his laptop, I surf the net next to him. Gives us a chance to at least chat while he's working, though certainly not ideal. We have a date night during the week when we connect and also are off on weekends. It's not perfect, but my husband really needs to work after kids are in bed; just the reality of his job. It's a trade-off so he can spend time with kids and help me in the evenings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting thread. I am a single mother so I always wondered what a 2 parent household was like on nights and weekends. Sadly, I do chores once my DD is asleep. Laundry (and lots of it), cleaning up dishes, packing lunches, some light cleaning and then if I have any energy at all, I watch TV for a little while checking email. I always thought 2 parents HHs had more interesting lives than mine but thanks for the reality check.

I often do a lot of chores that I wasn't able to get to during the day - the baby is super clingy. But my husband watches TV. All night every night. Even when I am doing chores. Which doesn't make me resentful at all (And yes, we have talked about this.)

[Anonymous]

We both sometimes have to work, but we try to spend at least an hour hanging out together, usually either watching TV or reading. When the weather is nice, we sit in our sun room and read books or magazines. Even when we have to work, I like sitting in the same room and chatting a little about what we're doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting thread. I am a single mother so I always wondered what a 2 parent household was like on nights and weekends. Sadly, I do chores once my DD is asleep. Laundry (and lots of it), cleaning up dishes, packing lunches, some light cleaning and then if I have any energy at all, I watch TV for a little while checking email. I always thought 2 parents HHs had more interesting lives than mine but thanks for the reality check.

I often do a lot of chores that I wasn't able to get to during the day - the baby is super clingy. But my husband watches TV. All night every night. Even when I am doing chores. Which doesn't make me resentful at all (And yes, we have talked about this.)

sounds like my husband I am super bitchy and resentful about it. Talked about it as well and it gets better for a day and then back to his old ways. I guess I could divorce him, but what I would tell everyone? We got a divorce bc he watches tv while I do EVERYTHING!? Im not bitter at all....

[Anonymous]

We make and eat dinner and watch TV, or DH watches some stupid TV show about loggers and I play on the internet. Or DH does our laundry while I watch TV or clean up the dinner dishes. Sometimes I wrap presents while watching TV (seems there's always a birthday or holiday coming up, and I'm the only one who wraps it appears). We usually drink a glass of wine each and talk about stuff, but there isn't much cuddling and sex after a long day.

[Anonymous]

I am surprised so few people have mentioned household management tasks/chores. After DD goes down, and DH and I eat (together, in front of the TV, but usually with some conversation, etc.) and then I usually spend about an hour (sometimes two) on some sort of task - paying bills or other paperwork, meal planning or cooking, picking up or some sort of cleaning that our service doesn't address, or some other household project. Then I'll come back and watch a little TV with DH. I feel like if all I did was watch tv or surf the internet, my house would fall apart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised so few people have mentioned household management tasks/chores. After DD goes down, and DH and I eat (together, in front of the TV, but usually with some conversation, etc.) and then I usually spend about an hour (sometimes two) on some sort of task - paying bills or other paperwork, meal planning or cooking, picking up or some sort of cleaning that our service doesn't address, or some other household project. Then I'll come back and watch a little TV with DH. I feel like if all I did was watch tv or surf the internet, my house would fall apart.

I like to complain about how busy I am and how it seems like life will never slow down - f/t work, 1 toddler, 1 on the way - but I spend hours watching TV and playing on the internet at night, so I guess its not that bad. Yes, I'll throw in a load of laundry or pick up around the house, but I cook when I get home, DH does the dishes, the nanny usually folds the laundry (even ours) during the day and we have a cleaning woman that comes in bi-weekly. At night, I will do the meal plan for the week and occasionally do some mending for my clothes, but I still spend a heck of a lot of time doing nothing.

[Anonymous]

It really depends. I have a very flexible work schedule that doesn't require me to spend 8 hours at the office, so I use SOME nights to catch up after our son is in bed. My husband usually gets on his computer, which doesn't bother me, he's busy at work. We always have an interesting conversation though, and might watch a movie, we tend to stay up late. We may have sex. I will do a load of laundry, and get stuff ready for the next day. I like our evenings, I have no complaints. Even catching up on work doesn't bother me, we do what we got to do

[Anonymous]

After DD goes to bed at 7:30, we make a quick dinner while cleaning up the kitchen and running laundry loads, and talk about our days in the meantime. Then we eat as we watch one show from TIVO. Then we head upstairs to get ready for bed, usually by 10 pm.

[Anonymous]

I am surprised so few people have mentioned household management tasks/chores. After DD goes down, and DH and I eat (together, in front of the TV, but usually with some conversation, etc.) and then I usually spend about an hour (sometimes two) on some sort of task - paying bills or other paperwork, meal planning or cooking, picking up or some sort of cleaning that our service doesn't address, or some other household project. Then I'll come back and watch a little TV with DH. I feel like if all I did was watch tv or surf the internet, my house would fall apart.

My husband spends a few minutes in the morning paying the bills (most of which are online), and I am a SAHM who cleans/plans meals/picks up/etc. during the day. I might have a load of laundry to fold at night while we watch television, but we really do just relax at night most of the time.

[Anonymous]

OP here -- thanks everyone! I know it's not a representative sample, but it's interesting to see how many people do not have to work at home at night.

I guess I'm trying to figure out why our working every night bothers me so much. I figure we would otherwise just be watching TV or a movie together or doing house/personal projects (organizing photos etc.), but at least we'd be doing it together.

Maybe we'll aim for one night a week when we shut off the computers and don't do any work. I'm curious if that will just make the other days more stressful or if work has really just expanded to fill the time.