My friend is now mad at me for not calling her soon to be ex husband an asshole

[Anonymous]

Ugghh...

Not worth the headache. Be glad you're no longer talking to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it sounds like you've already picked a side.

Maybe that's why she's upset.

This sums it all up.

Plus the fact that HE left HER, which must be incredibly painful and devastating, no matter if the marriage was troubled.

I'm divorced, and I had to leave my ex-husband, and all I can say is that divorce is the worst thing that can happen to you, short of the death of someone you love. I think that being left must be terrible, and scary, and must just make you crazy with anger and sadness.

[Anonymous]

I'm picking up on a little crush on the soon to be exhusband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not a good friend. The way you have trashed her on here while saying only glowing things about her DH is very telling. No one is as blameless in a divorce as you have made her DH out to be. It sounds as if you want him for yourself. I hope she drops you as a friend soon. You are just a garden variety frenemy.

Actually I have a mentally ill family member that puts a lot of strain on my entire family. It breaks our hearts. If my spouse picked at this painful part of my family and constantly fought about this family problem, I, too, would probably leave my spouse.

My friend lives out of state and has pushed many friends away. I have two young children and am busy. I have talked to her on the phone and visited her more in the past year than ever before. I am trying to be supportive but she is also pushing me away. She wants her husband back but each time she sees him, she starts insulting and blaming his family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm picking up on a little crush on the soon to be exhusband.

Her ex is not my type at all and I am not physically attracted to him. He is fun, jolly and generous. I am fond of him. I did not suddenly stop liking him because he left my friend. I am going to miss hanging out with them together with MY husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it sounds like you've already picked a side.

Maybe that's why she's upset.

This sums it all up.

Plus the fact that HE left HER, which must be incredibly painful and devastating, no matter if the marriage was troubled.

I'm divorced, and I had to leave my ex-husband, and all I can say is that divorce is the worst thing that can happen to you, short of the death of someone you love. I think that being left must be terrible, and scary, and must just make you crazy with anger and sadness.

My friend is devastated. She cried all the time for almost a year hoping he would come back. Now that sadness turned into anger.

I will admit that it was wrong of me to say to her that he did not wrong her. Leaving, abandoning and hurting my friend was wronging her.

[Anonymous]

As her friend, it is your duty to support her as well as have her back. That is what friends are for.

I cannot even imagine having a friend who didn't agree with me on something so personal as divorcing my husband. If my friend were more on his side then mine, the lack of loyalty would dissolve our friendship to the core.

If you truly feel like it is entirely your friend's fault for the marriage ending, then I would encourage you to sever the friendship.

Because during this tough and trying time, what she needs is a support system in order to help overcome this painful transition.

Since you blame her for the divorce, it will be impossible for you to support her the way she needs to be supported.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are a judgmental, unforgiving asshole and your "friend" deserves better. You are still mad about the times she cut you off and are bringing that bitterness to your evaluation of her divorce. You are a nasty person and I hope you have someone as mean spirited in your life to judge you if you ever experience a loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a judgmental, unforgiving asshole and your "friend" deserves better. You are still mad about the times she cut you off and are bringing that bitterness to your evaluation of her divorce. You are a nasty person and I hope you have someone as mean spirited in your life to judge you if you ever experience a loss.

I have to agree. And speaking as a person who is going through a rough divorce, I'm certain you don't have all the insight into their relationship that you claim. No one knows their marriage better than they do. Seems like you are waaaay to involved and invested. If you don't like the way your "friend" is acting towards you, be a grown up and express your concern, then back off. This is none of your business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a judgmental, unforgiving asshole and your "friend" deserves better. You are still mad about the times she cut you off and are bringing that bitterness to your evaluation of her divorce. You are a nasty person and I hope you have someone as mean spirited in your life to judge you if you ever experience a loss.

I have to agree. And speaking as a person who is going through a rough divorce, I'm certain you don't have all the insight into their relationship that you claim. No one knows their marriage better than they do. Seems like you are waaaay to involved and invested. If you don't like the way your "friend" is acting towards you, be a grown up and express your concern, then back off. This is none of your business.

And both of you are judging someone you've never met. The OP asked a simple question and gave her view of the situation. Everyone is entitled to their opinion but the name calling in the first quoted poster was uncalled. And telling the OP isn't none of her business when it is because her friend made it her business.

[Anonymous]

OP didn't ask a simple question - she gave a rather detailed, if not one sided account, of a couple's split. She asked if she had to choose a side. Of course not, OP you can make any choice you want. But it sounds like you have placed yourself in the middle of their split, and you have strong opinions of him and her, and theories as to why they split. But you are not them, and you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors.

I just don't get why you are so entrenched in their divorce. If you can't take being around your friend while she's being difficult (kind of a side effect of going through a rough time BTW), then cool your friendship to a level that you can manage. OP is asking for opinions, and that is what she is getting. I see a lot more judgements regarding the couple OP is talking about on this thread. Which is a little bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP didn't ask a simple question - she gave a rather detailed, if not one sided account, of a couple's split. She asked if she had to choose a side. Of course not, OP you can make any choice you want. But it sounds like you have placed yourself in the middle of their split, and you have strong opinions of him and her, and theories as to why they split. But you are not them, and you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors.

I just don't get why you are so entrenched in their divorce. If you can't take being around your friend while she's being difficult (kind of a side effect of going through a rough time BTW), then cool your friendship to a level that you can manage. OP is asking for opinions, and that is what she is getting. I see a lot more judgements regarding the couple OP is talking about on this thread. Which is a little bizarre.

My friend apologized for lashing out to me. She is so sad and angry at him, not at me. At the end of the day, he left her when she wants to reconcile. The mentally ill sibling may just be an excuse.

I am absolutely not in the middle and I certainly did not put myself there. He has left her and I will be her friend first. I just listen when she vents.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your friend is mentally ill as well. It is possibly why the ex was attracted to her - maybe someone he could "fix".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP didn't ask a simple question - she gave a rather detailed, if not one sided account, of a couple's split. She asked if she had to choose a side. Of course not, OP you can make any choice you want. But it sounds like you have placed yourself in the middle of their split, and you have strong opinions of him and her, and theories as to why they split. But you are not them, and you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors.

I just don't get why you are so entrenched in their divorce. If you can't take being around your friend while she's being difficult (kind of a side effect of going through a rough time BTW), then cool your friendship to a level that you can manage. OP is asking for opinions, and that is what she is getting. I see a lot more judgements regarding the couple OP is talking about on this thread. Which is a little bizarre.

My friend apologized for lashing out to me. She is so sad and angry at him, not at me. At the end of the day, he left her when she wants to reconcile. The mentally ill sibling may just be an excuse.

I am absolutely not in the middle and I certainly did not put myself there. He has left her and I will be her friend first. I just listen when she vents.

You may want to re-read your original post OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP didn't ask a simple question - she gave a rather detailed, if not one sided account, of a couple's split. She asked if she had to choose a side. Of course not, OP you can make any choice you want. But it sounds like you have placed yourself in the middle of their split, and you have strong opinions of him and her, and theories as to why they split. But you are not them, and you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors.

I just don't get why you are so entrenched in their divorce. If you can't take being around your friend while she's being difficult (kind of a side effect of going through a rough time BTW), then cool your friendship to a level that you can manage. OP is asking for opinions, and that is what she is getting. I see a lot more judgements regarding the couple OP is talking about on this thread. Which is a little bizarre.

My friend apologized for lashing out to me. She is so sad and angry at him, not at me. At the end of the day, he left her when she wants to reconcile. The mentally ill sibling may just be an excuse.

I am absolutely not in the middle and I certainly did not put myself there. He has left her and I will be her friend first. I just listen when she vents.

You may want to re-read your original post OP.

My friend is ice cold when upset. They fought all the time about his family. He left her. I listened. I did get yelled at for not agreeing that her ex is an asshole. I think it is wrong of her to trash his mentally ill sibling and air their family problems. All true facts.

This is not my divorce. This is my out of state friend. I will probably never see or talk to her ex as he also lives a few hundred miles from me. That still does not make me hate him or want to trash him.