Parents of middle school girls, please...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am with OP.

So am I.
--Middle school teacher sick of seeing butts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Starting in on the slut shaming there a wee early, don't you think, OP?

Where did I say this makes your daughter a slut or deserving of anything associated with that? I didn't. It's just a request to follow established school rules.

Are you the principal? If so, it's up to you to enforce the rules. Are you school staff? If so, talk to the principal. Are you a parent? If so, talk to the principal.

Have done this. It's just helpful when the school and home are on the same page.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am with OP.

So am I.
--Middle school teacher sick of seeing butts

Then talk to your principal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Starting in on the slut shaming there a wee early, don't you think, OP?

Where did I say this makes your daughter a slut or deserving of anything associated with that? I didn't. It's just a request to follow established school rules.

Are you the principal? If so, it's up to you to enforce the rules. Are you school staff? If so, talk to the principal. Are you a parent? If so, talk to the principal.

Have done this. It's just helpful when the school and home are on the same page.

It's helpful for the school, certainly. Are you the principal? Otherwise, it's not your business.

[Anonymous]

You need to focus on your own child and teaching her standards. Explain to her why dressing like that is inappropriate and do not allow it. It won't be just middle school....your daughter is going to come across trashy, poorly dressed people her entire life. She has to understand WHY certain behaviors are not okay.

Fwiw the leaders of the pack and most advanced girls didn't get very far in life. I wasn't allowed to dress like a slut in middle school and hated my strict parents. If you're basing success in life on looks, marriage and career I ended up far ahead. I married a man who grew up in a wealthy family in Manhattan and I have a solid career that has brought me to London, NY and now DC. Based on fb those same girls are now washed up and do not lead exciting lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to focus on your own child and teaching her standards. Explain to her why dressing like that is inappropriate and do not allow it. It won't be just middle school....your daughter is going to come across trashy, poorly dressed people her entire life. She has to understand WHY certain behaviors are not okay.

Fwiw the leaders of the pack and most advanced girls didn't get very far in life. I wasn't allowed to dress like a slut in middle school and hated my strict parents. If you're basing success in life on looks, marriage and career I ended up far ahead. I married a man who grew up in a wealthy family in Manhattan and I have a solid career that has brought me to London, NY and now DC. Based on fb those same girls are now washed up and do not lead exciting lives.

What I am going to explain to my daughter is that you shouldn't base your judgment of people's worth and morals on the clothes they wear, and that worldly success (or lack thereof) is not a validation of people's choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a MS boy and girl. And I agree with all of the above - proper clothes, good hygiene. I don't think it's slut shaming. But there's a time and a place to wear shorts like these as well as T-shirts with holes in them.

Actually there is no time for a 13yr old to be wearing shorts like that. I can't believe parents let their kids out of the house like that.

[Anonymous]

I so agree. I was standing in line at starbucks behind a teen girl and her father, and she was wearing shorts so short I could see the bottom of her bum cheeks - I was embarassed and could not believe that her father wasn't!

[Anonymous]

Oh, I see. It's time for the annual "girls these days wear scandalous clothes!" thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I so agree. I was standing in line at starbucks behind a teen girl and her father, and she was wearing shorts so short I could see the bottom of her bum cheeks - I was embarassed and could not believe that her father wasn't!

half the time I don't think fathers notice what their kids are wearing. When my kids were in preschool, I would go to pick them up and notice if they've changed clothes, because of a bathroom accident, etc.. Sometimes, when my DH did the drop off/pickup, I'd come home from work, and ask my DH why Larlo/a is wearing something different than in the morning, and DH would say, "I didn't notice they had on different clothes."

I made a comment to my DH about how if we lost the kids in a crowded place and had to tell the cops what our kids were wearing, DH wouldn't be able to tell them. DH did not disagree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not OP but MS girl mom, and as moms of all MS girls know, developmentally they are steeped in pack-mode. The world will end if they don't replicate what their alpha-girl of fashion is doing. It's very hard to get your kid to behave if the others don't. If other girls, or especially the alpha girl, covers her bum, then it gives them permission to cover their bums as well.

Unfortunately the alpha girl of fashion often gets to be alpha in the group because she's the least restricted of the girls, and the most plugged into the mass media's idea of what's acceptable dress for MS girls. She's watching shows that the other kids are not allowed to, and uses that information as power to attain alpha status.

I agree with this although part of the problem is kids who emulate older siblings too. Another part of the equation is that fashion in general has moved in this direction for teens and young adults. Don't get me started on how short some girls' dresses are for dances/events. Our daughter is a freshman and she dresses more modestly, fwiw.

[Anonymous]

Another problem that people are so concerned with that they should not be.

Worry about yourself and your own kids. Let other dress like fools, sluts, gangsters etc. It their business (and their parents) NOT YOURS!

[Anonymous]

My daughter is not interested in these which I'm thankful for. I'm extremely liberal in most areas but isn't there a distinction between not "slut shaming" and teaching our daughters to value their bodies.
I'd much rather my daughter dance naked in the rain than wear skimpy clothes and pretend it's not part of the sexualization of young girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is not interested in these which I'm thankful for. I'm extremely liberal in most areas but isn't there a distinction between not "slut shaming" and teaching our daughters to value their bodies.
I'd much rather my daughter dance naked in the rain than wear skimpy clothes and pretend it's not part of the sexualization of young girls.

Yes. Namely, the distinction between you telling your daughter what you think is appropriate and other people telling your daughter what they think is appropriate.

Also, many middle school girls are teenagers, and teenagers actually are sexual beings, with or without short shorts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Starting in on the slut shaming there a wee early, don't you think, OP?

Where did I say this makes your daughter a slut or deserving of anything associated with that? I didn't. It's just a request to follow established school rules.

Are you the principal? If so, it's up to you to enforce the rules. Are you school staff? If so, talk to the principal. Are you a parent? If so, talk to the principal.

Bingo.