Found out today Dh has been cheating on me all year

[Anonymous]

Work will not perceive you as weak. Take the time you need.

[Anonymous]

That is terrible timing. Your husband tells you right at Christmas time, with your parents there and your father almost on his death bed, that he wants a divorce? Be glad that you will no longer be married to a person who would do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure, but they will probably perceive you as weak. The person who is saying this. Please shut up. Shut up!!! Who cares how they perceive her. They might be able to help her. She needs good advice not yours.

Who cares how they perceive her? She probably does, if she wants to keep her job. I stand by what I said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, but they will probably perceive you as weak. The person who is saying this. Please shut up. Shut up!!! Who cares how they perceive her. They might be able to help her. She needs good advice not yours.

Who cares how they perceive her? She probably does, if she wants to keep her job. I stand by what I said.

OK PP - we got it. Why don't you move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He wants a divorce. I would be willing to fight though it is still so saw. My parents are here and I'm not able to process. I'm having to hold it together for everyone but including our little kids who couldn't have been more excited it is Christmas. My parents are here till 1/9. I can't face work. I need to sit and cry but I don't know when. Does work give leaves of absence of stuff like this? I have a high stress job with few benefits. I just took more pto than is norm. But i can't face work. What are my options? Can I tell them what is going on?

Sure, but they will probably perceive you as weak.

Weak? What kind of bullshit is that?

Why would work need to know about her personal problems? If she tells them she wants time off because her husband wants a divorce, they're going to think less of her.

because OP needs to say "something" to get time off.

How about "I have a family issue and need some time off"? Doesn't that sound better than "My husband wants a divorce and I can't handle coming to work"?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't share the details at work. Not because of perceived weakness, but in case OP and her DH end up reconciling (which does happen in situations like this).

[Anonymous]

Op here-to be sure, dh didn't tell me. I found out. I found out the hard way by catching an incoming email and also by looking up his call log on our phone bill. I'm not going to work tomorrow. I'm off for two weeks to be with my parents/family. I'm a staff attorney. So I'm low on the forum pole but I'm usually a high performer/biller. I don't have those long hours in me now or after this "vacation". Seeing my dad on his almost death bed is hard enough. Seeing my mom so stressed and tired is worse and now dh wanting a divorce??! All I wanted was a magical Christmas for my kids. Instead they got about to lose her mind me. They kept asking me why my face was red and why my lips were set they way they were. I didn't get to even pretend for them since i was just soccer punched with the worst news of my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure, but they will probably perceive you as weak. The person who is saying this. Please shut up. Shut up!!! Who cares how they perceive her. They might be able to help her. She needs good advice not yours.

Plus 1. Also, Why on Earth would he tell you on Xmas? And with your parents there?
I am so sorry, OP...Good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP I am so so sorry. Your husband is a complete dick.

[Anonymous]

Your job is more important than ever! The hell with your worthless husband. Focus on your kids and your job. If possible move all possible accounts into your name immediately TOMORROW. Discreetly stockpile cash.
Signed,
Been in similar shoes

[Anonymous]

Don't share this at work. It can only hurt you!

[Anonymous]

your husband is the worst. on Christmas day? be glad to be rid of someone so callous and insensitive. but i agree with the PP. you need your job right now more than ever and when busy there you probably wont be able to think about your homelife much.

hugs

[Anonymous]

Ok, given that your dad is in fragile health, could this be the angle you use to get some family emergency or special sick leave? You would not have to tell anyone about your personal details pertaining to your marriage.

Don't mean to pile on and I say this as a DD to a medically fragile elderly dad...just dealing with a dying parent is taxing on everyone involved. Your mom needs you for support and reprieve and you have to process your own feelings about your dad and this stage of life.

Also, is it possible that your husband is enraged that you've caught him and he's flying off the handle? Not saying that you shouldn't divorce, but his timing is beyond cruel. He needs to take a giant step back and think this all through...maybe even take off for a few days. You two need to hash this out and he needs to hold off making pronouncements and demands.

[Anonymous]

Start moving money around now, before he realizes that you know about him wanting a divorce. I'm not sure but start to make sure your name is on everything and talking to a lawyer before he knows.

[Anonymous]

OP,
You're in shock right now, but you are strong enough to handle this.

Does your office have an EAP type program?

I'd call the Women's Center tomorrow and see if you can talk with a counselor while you're off work to help you make a plan.