I don't feel feminine enough for dating

[Anonymous]

I think my problem is that I give off one of the guys vibe. most of my friends are male and I've always felt uncomfortable around women, due to a lack of common ground.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If you want to dress more "feminine" you can do so at any budget. You wantto dress a little nicer when you're seeing someone because you want to show that you care about impressing him. (Dress to impress, right?) fitted jeans, flats, and a sweater don't have to be expensive, and can still look polished.

Male here.

Funny you say that. I was with a girl this afternoon that was dressed very feminine. Amazing girl by the way but that is a different story . But in walks this girl in nice fitted jeans, flats, and sweater. I couldn't help but look. She looked amazing even though she didn't go all out trying to look fabulous.

Gee, with all this action you get, and your simultaneous gawking at other women, why on earth would you spend time on DC Urban Moms? During the workday, no less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think my problem is that I give off one of the guys vibe. most of my friends are male and I've always felt uncomfortable around women, due to a lack of common ground.

This might sound a little crazy, but if you work out at a gym, try a barre class or something decidedly girly. Get used to moving your body a bit (and if the thought makes you uncomfortable, that's all the more reason to try). Usually the people I know who give off a one of the guys vibe aren't in touch with themselves or comfortable with their bodies, and how they dress is really not the reason for that, it's more of an offshoot of it. You could put them in heels and they'd just be awkward, so making a surface change isn't the real answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recently met a guy at a networking event, we hit it off and went out the next day. Obviously, as it was a first date, I dressed nicely, sweater, nice jeans and boots. so we hung out again but I wore a long cardigan and chucks. Which is pretty much my "uniform". He made a comment oabout me not having any nice jewelry. I said no. (moreso bc I can't afford it, not because I don't like it ). I haven't gotten comments on my appearance from men in the past about being a plain Jane or a tomboy. I honestly feel like men are trying to change me to someone really feminine and girly. Are there men out there that are attracted to women that are tshirt and jeans, sports loving and not

yes - in the midwest or out west.

there are tons of guys that want a girl a like you.

but the ones you probably like, in the northeast/mid atlantic - not so much.

+1. I'm from the West. My "uniform" is jeans + sweater/tshirt + boots. No fancy jewelry. I don't primp much. I dressed this way pretty much on every date with my DH, except if we went somewhere fancy or to a party. Most of the women around where we lived dressed pretty casually.

I think the east coast area is a lot more formal than the west coast, including attire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) Cost is not a factor in looking feminine. You choose how to spend your money--it can be on unisex or feminine clothing. Makeup and jewelry don't have to be expensive.

2) I sense that you want to be dating men, but for some psychological reason don't want to express your sexuality in your appearance?

3) You have to get over the hangup in #2. You can look sexual, without looking cheap or being uncomfortable. Find a girlfriend whose style you admire and spend a day going shopping and trying on some make up.

To answeryour questions. If it turns out that a guy is interested in me, then he only wants sex not a relationship. I am trying not to attract those types. Also, I have dated women in the past and haven't had any problems with my appearance. Not thatit's relevant.

[Anonymous]

If you have big breasts, you'll be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have big breasts, you'll be fine.

SMH. ridiculous

[Anonymous]

I also get some comments about not being girly enough. Yes, most guys like to see their gal in heels once in a while.

I've given up dressing for others. I wear what I like and what I feel confident wearing. Confidence is sexy. Over the years I have found ways to look more feminine but still be very comfortable.

If you like jeans, get a nice pair of boots to wear with them. Get some earrings that you like that are a little larger and more feminine than you might be used to. Skip the heels and dresses if they make you uncomfortable. Do you nails. You can make small steps to looking more feminine without losing your personal style.

There are definitely guys out there that appreciate a low maintenance woman. Just keep looking.

[Anonymous]

Do you give off a lesbian vibe? That's the loom I'm picturing.

[Anonymous]

You dont have to go all out or spend money to be feminine. I have shorter hair, don't do nails, and don't wear lots of skirts and dresses on a regular basis (though they are now a staple, as I realize that a great fitted work dress gets attention). But I wear a little make up, don't wear baggy, ill fitting clothes that hide my figure, and i am comfortable in my body and sexuality==weekend wear is fitted dark jeans or thicker leggings, siver flats or boots, a well fitted shirt with some color or longer sweater that is not baggy, but skims the body. A necklace or earrings, not both. Lip gloss. A smile, and good posture. This takes no more time or money than mom jeans, a crew neck sweatshirt and ponytail.

while some men want and go for the long hair, painted nails, super tight dresses, many many just appreciate a woman who takes some care in her appearance (frankly, just as women prefer a man not running around with a 3 day stubble, baggy sweats and a t shirt from his favorite band in the 80s). When my DH shaves, showers, and puts on fitted clothes, I find him much sexier than his usual weekend appearance (baggy old jeans, fugly t shirt, no shower)--hoping he reads this thread, in fact. Its the same for women.

All that being said, sounds to me that the issue isn't a feminine appearance, but that's a symptom of something else going on. Your lack of female friends and your being in the 'friend zone' with men is suggestive--are you secure in your sexuality? What is it you fear about femininity? do you equate unfemininity with independence?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) Cost is not a factor in looking feminine. You choose how to spend your money--it can be on unisex or feminine clothing. Makeup and jewelry don't have to be expensive.

2) I sense that you want to be dating men, but for some psychological reason don't want to express your sexuality in your appearance?

3) You have to get over the hangup in #2. You can look sexual, without looking cheap or being uncomfortable. Find a girlfriend whose style you admire and spend a day going shopping and trying on some make up.

To answeryour questions. If it turns out that a guy is interested in me, then he only wants sex not a relationship. I am trying not to attract those types. Also, I have dated women in the past and haven't had any problems with my appearance. Not thatit's relevant.

This is interesting. How do you determine this? Most guys who express interest in a woman are sexually interested in them, but usually not ONLY sexually interested. You can
Also, you say that you're bisexual, but then state that it's not relevant--why?

I think that you are downplaying your sexuality with men because you are fearful of a sexual relationship with them.

[Anonymous]

I've noticed that some men take is as uncaring gesture when I don't try to be my best for them. You shouldn't try to be something you're not, but you should try to appealing to a guy.

You can dress well on a budget. TJMax and Marshall's are good. The sale rack at Lord and Taylor is phenomenal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) Cost is not a factor in looking feminine. You choose how to spend your money--it can be on unisex or feminine clothing. Makeup and jewelry don't have to be expensive.

2) I sense that you want to be dating men, but for some psychological reason don't want to express your sexuality in your appearance?

3) You have to get over the hangup in #2. You can look sexual, without looking cheap or being uncomfortable. Find a girlfriend whose style you admire and spend a day going shopping and trying on some make up.

To answeryour questions. If it turns out that a guy is interested in me, then he only wants sex not a relationship. I am trying not to attract those types. Also, I have dated women in the past and haven't had any problems with my appearance. Not thatit's relevant.

This is interesting. How do you determine this? Most guys who express interest in a woman are sexually interested in them, but usually not ONLY sexually interested. You can
Also, you say that you're bisexual, but then state that it's not relevant--why?

I think that you are downplaying your sexuality with men because you are fearful of a sexual relationship with them.

Because men will tell me that they would prefer to just have me as a fwb instead of a girlfriend. I've never been in a serious relationship before. There's no one interested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also get some comments about not being girly enough. Yes, most guys like to see their gal in heels once in a while.

I've given up dressing for others. I wear what I like and what I feel confident wearing. Confidence is sexy. Over the years I have found ways to look more feminine but still be very comfortable.

If you like jeans, get a nice pair of boots to wear with them. Get some earrings that you like that are a little larger and more feminine than you might be used to. Skip the heels and dresses if they make you uncomfortable. Do you nails. You can make small steps to looking more feminine without losing your personal style.

There are definitely guys out there that appreciate a low maintenance woman. Just keep looking.

Low maintenance refers to how much effort a man needs to put in. If a woman is low maintenance on herself and wants to look frumpy, that's different.
Men will look. Even the nicest guy will look. Be the person he wants to look at.

[Anonymous]

Plus it makes me feel uncomfortable when a guy tells me that I'm hot and they want to sleep with me. As if I'm not good enough for anything else. I like to see if I have a connection with a guy first and if he makes me feel at ease. Which most of the time I don't because a guy wants to sleep with me on the first date.