Babysitter got pregnant by married man...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't sound like a good sitter to me at all. Why does her boyfriend hang out with her while she is working?

Also, if you don't think she is a good role model, why would you want her taking care of your children? If they are old enough to know what's going on, they are possibly old enough to think - when they remember back on it - that you condone (1) single motherhood and (2) adultery.

I would have no problem telling her you no longer need her services. And if she asks why, I would tell her that she is not a good role model for children. Seriously - part of the problem with the US today is that we worry so much about not being judgmental that we don't even raise our eyebrows at truly bad behavior, like cheating.

Agree with the second half of this post very much (from I would have no problem, would tell her she is not a good role model, and even the fact that we're too worried about being judgmental to reject truly bad behavior like cheating). But poster above loses credibility by equating single motherhood with adultery.

Whether or not I think it's appropriate to judge people as people is complicated (sometimes it seems wrong, sometimes it can't be helped, and maybe some times it helps us stand up for what we think is right). Regardless, however, I think it's a different story when it comes down to judging whether or not you want this person to have an influence on your children. If she were able to keep her personal life and professional life separate, perhaps it's no big deal. But if her boyfriend is spending time with your kids....sorry, but YUCK. I would NEVER want to give my children the impression that cheating or carrying on with someone else's spouse is okay. Even if I don't judge the person, I can judge the behavior and ask her not to do that around my kids. Her feelings are less important than your kids environment.

Also, second the issue about what if the wife finds out and confronts the woman. Perhaps not likely, but can you rule it out? Again -- YUCK. I'd find a new sitter or make it very clear that the contact between her married boyfriend and your children stops.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's hear it OP. If this is for real, all of us inquiring minds want to know why a boyfriend/married man/stranger is over at your with the babysitter.

Is the married man your husband?

What is the point of this post? I'm also curious why OP allows the boyfriend to have contact with her kids, but we don't know if this is more of a friendship / aquaintence babysitting issue or a true paid position. We don't know if babysitter is babysitting at OP's house or at the babysitter's own house. Also, PP here with the nasty comments suggesting this is a spurned woman posting can speak for herself. Hers is the only inquiring mind that has such assholish thoughts...

[Anonymous]

omg. don't employ her. there are enough bad influences out there. don't directly add those influences...

[Anonymous]

I would find another babysitter and not allow the new one to have anyone over while babysitting. There are a lot of people out there that use women to get to children. Don't invite this type of opportunity into your house.

Not saying that anything bad is going on there, just be very careful with whom you let into your house and around your kids.

You can find someone better than this woman.

[Anonymous]

Don't any other parents out there let their regular babysitter's boyfriend come over on evenings after the kids go to sleep? I don't see why my sitter should have to spend friday night alone when she could watch a movie on my big screen with her boyfriend. The reactions to this part surprise me (now, her boyfriend's not married....that's another issue)

[Anonymous]

OP, you are an idiot

[Anonymous]

I'm the one who made the remark about single motherhood. I didn't mean to assert blanket disapproval of single motherhood. Some women are not single mothers by choice, or were married, or whatever. However, I certainly intend to teach my children that babies belong in families.

If your children think you approve of her actions, they may well decide it is okay to get pregnant as teenagers, etc. - because you have demonstrated that you condone that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the one who made the remark about single motherhood. I didn't mean to assert blanket disapproval of single motherhood. Some women are not single mothers by choice, or were married, or whatever. However, I certainly intend to teach my children that babies belong in families.

If your children think you approve of her actions, they may well decide it is okay to get pregnant as teenagers, etc. - because you have demonstrated that you condone that.

Nice packpedal. My child IS in a family.

[Anonymous]

Mine too (single mom here). You do realize that your child will at some point come into contact w/ kids from non-nuclear families right? Maybe even make friends w/ kids in them? They are everywhere you know. Are you going to say that there is something wrong w/ these children? Will you make judgments about them and their families? Will you encourage your child to only be friends w/ children who have 1 biological mom and one biological dad who are married and living together? Of course babies belong in families. That is why they are born to people or adopted by people. A family is whoever takes care of the child and loves them. It could be just one person. You are going to need to broaden what you think of as a family esp in this area.

[Anonymous]

If you idiots spent as much time with your partners/family as you do on this message board, you wouldn't have these problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your children think you approve of her actions, they may well decide it is okay to get pregnant as teenagers, etc. - because you have demonstrated that you condone that.

Yes, ask Bristol Palin

[Anonymous]

Yes, I will make judgments about people who deliberately have babies when they are single. I have no problem making that judgment. My kids already have friends who are in non-nuclear families. But they started out as married people with babies who then divorced. I would never say or even think that there is anything bad about the children - they are not the ones making poor decisions.

Are you comfortable with your judgment that fathers are unnecessary? Then good for you. I'm not going to tear you apart for that opinion. I just disagree - I think children need and deserve two parents. And I'm certainly as entitled to my opinions and judgments as you are to yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I will make judgments about people who deliberately have babies when they are single. I have no problem making that judgment. My kids already have friends who are in non-nuclear families. But they started out as married people with babies who then divorced. I would never say or even think that there is anything bad about the children - they are not the ones making poor decisions.

Are you comfortable with your judgment that fathers are unnecessary? Then good for you. I'm not going to tear you apart for that opinion. I just disagree - I think children need and deserve two parents. And I'm certainly as entitled to my opinions and judgments as you are to yours.

Well, you're being pretty presumptuous on behalf of other people, assuming that OP would want to bring her kids up to judge single mothers who had children without being married intentionally. I'm married and expecting my first child but my sister in law just adopted a child. She is a single mother and does a wonderful job raising her child. She has the full support of our entire extended family and her child never suffers from any love. Should she give him back, according to your moral litmus test? Oh, also, you seem to exempt divorced moms as long as they started out married, but how about "accidents" that mom kept? Are they bad people too because they kept the kid? Is abortion or adoption (giving the kid up that is) the only option for these immoral moms whose babies don't belong since they are not in "families?"

Yeck. In this day and age, with all the children in traditional nuclear families, it seems absolutely INSANE to me that someone would judge a woman because she chooses to lovingly raise a child with the "handicap" of being single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you idiots spent as much time with your partners/family as you do on this message board, you wouldn't have these problems.

Do you post this response in all forums?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I will make judgments about people who deliberately have babies when they are single. I have no problem making that judgment. My kids already have friends who are in non-nuclear families. But they started out as married people with babies who then divorced. I would never say or even think that there is anything bad about the children - they are not the ones making poor decisions.

Are you comfortable with your judgment that fathers are unnecessary? Then good for you. I'm not going to tear you apart for that opinion. I just disagree - I think children need and deserve two parents. And I'm certainly as entitled to my opinions and judgments as you are to yours.

Have you ever been out west? To say, California? Tons of familes with non-married parents (gay and not gay). It is VERY common and not frowned upon. Just because someone is not married does not mean a father is not in the picture, living at home, with mom...