Wife cheating on me

[Anonymous]

OP, this is PP 12:51 again. Here is my contribution to the thread: All I can say is you have to let her know that the resentment is building and give her a fair shot. Selfish destruction is not the answer. I try to tell this to my DH, tried counseling, kinkiness, everything. But you cannot make a person who doesn't want sex (or with you) want it. They have to want you! So at the end of the day you have to make a decision of the type of person YOU want to be. Without regard to whether your spouse is going to meet your need. Because you are the only one accountable for you. That is what leads me to staying faithful. Or considering divorce.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry your wife is a pig, OP. Sounds like she's ing good company.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could have written this post. But I am a woman. So flip the script, and I can almost relate. Only the person I have (guiltily) eyed is a very willing ex-boyfriend.

Great! Go ahead and exchange numbers with OP

OK. Thanks for the uselessness. My point is that for the people that were bashing OP, it can work both ways. Thats all. I'm not cheating on my husband. I love him.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I see how my post might have painted me as a troll. Actually I am just really frustrated and resentful and horny.

Responding to some false (but not surprising) accusations:
I've maintained the same weight for the past 25 years, would properly fit my marriage tux and high school sports uniforms, by controlling my diet and exercising regularly.
At home I pull my fair share of family duties and am quite involved with our kids.

10:35 asked "do you care about your wife enough to help her figure out what's behind the weight gain and support her as she works through that" What does that even mean, help her figure it out? In the past, I've tried the "let's eat better for our health" approach. She has a gym membership and I've encouraged her to go. Now I am about done trying to figure out my wife's weight gain. Here is what I have figured out: she eats alot, she's stopped exercising, she gains weight. It's not hard to figure out. How is this on ME? If she were to make any efforts, I'd support that 100% but really the decision and motivation needs to come from her right?

As to that MILF, she is also married and although I've not pursued this too far, she has been flirtatious with me so it's not purely an assumption that she's interested. I've remained faithful in my marriage but at my wits end here, and a nice lady who takes good care of herself is flirting with me, I am now noticing this and this adds to my feeling cheated at home.

As to my poor sexual performance causing her low desire: maybe you are the troll?

My question is: do people agree it is cheating to stop taking physical care of yourself and to stop wanting sex with your spouse?

[Anonymous]

I'm sure she is masturbating at least every other day. She is not low sex drive. I'm guessing she just doesn't want it with you. Figure out what's happening.

[Anonymous]

I bet OP is the same poster who starts numerous threads in this forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I see how my post might have painted me as a troll. Actually I am just really frustrated and resentful and horny.

Responding to some false (but not surprising) accusations:
I've maintained the same weight for the past 25 years, would properly fit my marriage tux and high school sports uniforms, by controlling my diet and exercising regularly.
At home I pull my fair share of family duties and am quite involved with our kids.

10:35 asked "do you care about your wife enough to help her figure out what's behind the weight gain and support her as she works through that" What does that even mean, help her figure it out? In the past, I've tried the "let's eat better for our health" approach. She has a gym membership and I've encouraged her to go. Now I am about done trying to figure out my wife's weight gain. Here is what I have figured out: she eats alot, she's stopped exercising, she gains weight. It's not hard to figure out. How is this on ME? If she were to make any efforts, I'd support that 100% but really the decision and motivation needs to come from her right?

As to that MILF, she is also married and although I've not pursued this too far, she has been flirtatious with me so it's not purely an assumption that she's interested. I've remained faithful in my marriage but at my wits end here, and a nice lady who takes good care of herself is flirting with me, I am now noticing this and this adds to my feeling cheated at home.

As to my poor sexual performance causing her low desire: maybe you are the troll?

My question is: do people agree it is cheating to stop taking physical care of yourself and to stop wanting sex with your spouse?

No, it is not cheating. It might not be what you signed up for, but it is not cheating. Cheating involves bringing a third party into your marriage, whether through a physical or emotional affair. It means choosing intimacy with someone else.

You can be disappointed and frustrated, but you cannot call it cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I see how my post might have painted me as a troll. Actually I am just really frustrated and resentful and horny.

Responding to some false (but not surprising) accusations:
I've maintained the same weight for the past 25 years, would properly fit my marriage tux and high school sports uniforms, by controlling my diet and exercising regularly.
At home I pull my fair share of family duties and am quite involved with our kids.

10:35 asked "do you care about your wife enough to help her figure out what's behind the weight gain and support her as she works through that" What does that even mean, help her figure it out? In the past, I've tried the "let's eat better for our health" approach. She has a gym membership and I've encouraged her to go. Now I am about done trying to figure out my wife's weight gain. Here is what I have figured out: she eats alot, she's stopped exercising, she gains weight. It's not hard to figure out. How is this on ME? If she were to make any efforts, I'd support that 100% but really the decision and motivation needs to come from her right?

As to that MILF, she is also married and although I've not pursued this too far, she has been flirtatious with me so it's not purely an assumption that she's interested. I've remained faithful in my marriage but at my wits end here, and a nice lady who takes good care of herself is flirting with me, I am now noticing this and this adds to my feeling cheated at home.

As to my poor sexual performance causing her low desire: maybe you are the troll?

My question is: do people agree it is cheating to stop taking physical care of yourself and to stop wanting sex with your spouse?

You need to seriously consider this and not pass it off like it's trolling. It's pretty common. And it's pretty common for women not to want to tell their partner they aren't satisfied because they don't want to hurt their feelings. And it becomes harder and harder to address the longer you have been together. I'm not saying it's true for you. But if you aren't willing to explore the possibility, you are part of the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I see how my post might have painted me as a troll. Actually I am just really frustrated and resentful and horny.

Responding to some false (but not surprising) accusations:
I've maintained the same weight for the past 25 years, would properly fit my marriage tux and high school sports uniforms, by controlling my diet and exercising regularly.
At home I pull my fair share of family duties and am quite involved with our kids.

10:35 asked "do you care about your wife enough to help her figure out what's behind the weight gain and support her as she works through that" What does that even mean, help her figure it out? In the past, I've tried the "let's eat better for our health" approach. She has a gym membership and I've encouraged her to go. Now I am about done trying to figure out my wife's weight gain. Here is what I have figured out: she eats alot, she's stopped exercising, she gains weight. It's not hard to figure out. How is this on ME? If she were to make any efforts, I'd support that 100% but really the decision and motivation needs to come from her right?

As to that MILF, she is also married and although I've not pursued this too far, she has been flirtatious with me so it's not purely an assumption that she's interested. I've remained faithful in my marriage but at my wits end here, and a nice lady who takes good care of herself is flirting with me, I am now noticing this and this adds to my feeling cheated at home.

As to my poor sexual performance causing her low desire: maybe you are the troll?

My question is: do people agree it is cheating to stop taking physical care of yourself and to stop wanting sex with your spouse?

No, it is not cheating. It might not be what you signed up for, but it is not cheating. Cheating involves bringing a third party into your marriage, whether through a physical or emotional affair. It means choosing intimacy with someone else.

You can be disappointed and frustrated, but you cannot call it cheating.

I'm 10:35. Do you really think your wife stopped taking card of herself and put on 50 pounds, with all of the discomfort, judgment and disapproval that comes with it because she just doesn't care? If that is what you think, you clearly think very little of you wife regardless of her weight, and that's the real problem here. The weight, while unfortunate, is a red herring.

[Anonymous]

I have no easy answer to give you for your situation OP.

Only I am sorry for how things have turned out for both of you + I do hope things get better in your marriage for what it is worth.

[Anonymous]

So many haters here. Wondering how many of you are icy DWs who identify with this guys spouse. Listen man, she's not "cheating". If that's what you are looking for to rationalize, its stupid. Just be a grown up and own your choice. You are not alone.
That said, this notion that his DW is some sort of sex kitten just itching for it but he's not hitting it right so she gained 50lbs instead is a joke.
Your married sex life sucks, your marriage and family very well may not. It's not the end of the world. Find a solution, MILFY or otherwise.

[Anonymous]

RHinVA wrote:You guys think this is a troll? This is every single guy on the explicit forum. All of them.

+1

Explicit forum breaks my heart. All these married men and women living in no sex marriages. And the worst are the 30 something folks who are not having sex - for years. Yikes! Do they realize that once these years are gone they will never get it back.

[Anonymous]

I'm a woman and sympathize with OP. I would be irritated if my DH gained a bunch of weight and no longer looked at me. I think we all have a bit of an obligation to keep ourselves looking reasonable. I'm not talking washboard abs and a boob job but at least no extreme weight gain, if we can help it. A little weight is fine, we all are busy and aren't 20 yrs old anymore.

OP, don't know what to say about your wife. That sucks. It's like, are you married or are you roommates? Resentment is sure to grow. It's HARD to regain that intimacy once you've lost it. If you want to keep your marriage, try counseling.

Alternatively, take the family on vacation. Go to France or somewhere where its common for women to look sexy and beautiful in their 30s/40s with kids. Maybe France is a bad idea because they are so skinny but perhaps go somewhere to remind her that she still CAN BE sexy and beautiful. I'm not talking magazine beautiful - that's ridiculous - but beautiful to herself. A chubby beautiful is fine but an obese beautiful not so much. We can own some chub, make it work, and practice practice practice at the sex life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are nuts.

Seriously? There is an almost identical post on the board except by a woman. Few people are blasting her. Why is this guy nuts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't mean she's having sex with another.
But she is definitely cheating! She's cheating me out of a sex life.
It's the worst possible combination: she is low desire, and she's gained 50 lbs.
If I don't initiate sex, she will happily go 3 months without.
But now that she's gotten fat, I am just not attracted to her sexually. So I rarely initiate.

At various times, I've talked with her about both of these problems (separate conversations to minimize the sting).
She just doesn't really see any problems here. She's fat and happy and doesn't much care about sex. She has the kids and big house, and my needs just are not that important to her.n

I don't want a divorce. She is an excellent mother and is a very pleasant person. She just has no sex appeal and no sex drive and that's how it's gonna be.

There you go: she is cheating me. And I'm eyeing up a nice MILF to keep the balance. I can justify this because she is cheating me.

Huge assumption to automatically think the MILF will go for you.

Not everyone's interested in married men.

Don't you know that every woman who's single is attracted to every man? If she isn't, it's because she's gay and/or psychopathic.