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Senior Associates/Partners at Law Firm Question
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Anonymous
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I went the reduced schedule 5 days a week route at my big firm, where I am counsel. So basically I work a "normal" full time job. We get up by 7, my husband makes my kid's lunch and is out the door by 7:40 (he is very efficient I must say). I do the morning shift, drop my oldest off at school at 8:45, drop off my other child at daycare, and am in the office by 9:30. My husband (also a lawyer now at a small firm) leaves earlier and I do the morning shift. I work until around 6:30 and get home around 7. My husband has picked up the kids by 6:15 and goes home and makes dinner while my son does his homework. When I get home we all sit down to dinner together, then my husband will give the kids a bath while I do the dishes. Usually I finish before they do and join them in the bathroom and hang out. Then I read and play with my kids or whatever, and they go to bed at 9. Then we usually do laundry, pickup, chat, watch tv whatever. I usually don't go to sleep until 1am or so, so I am operating on 6 hours of sleep but have always been that way, even before kids. If my husband or I have something pressing, we will either stay late at the office or do work after the kids have gone to bed. I work some weekends but usually try to get up early and get it out of the way before the kids are really moving.
I am very satisfied with this schedule. I know I've taken a career hit and that I'll never be a huge rainmaker, but I get interesting work that I was trained to do, am well compensated, and have a great relationship with my kids and husband. I have to be very very organized and in synch with my husband to get it all done, but it works for us. I think it also helps that I'm good at my job. I don't mean to brag, but I think I do good work and my firm knows I'll get it right and get it done, so they cut me a lot of slack. And I worked hard before I had kids to earn that kind of respect. |
Anonymous
| I second those who say contract out as much as you can. Nannies, housekeepers, dogwalkers, Peapod, etc. My husband and I both have high-pressure jobs (we're partners at law firms). I scaled back to "part time" status last year, after my second was born. While not ideal, it seems to be working. Our nannies work from 8 to 7 every day, but I usually make it home by 6:30, and my husband by 7 p.m. Bedtime rituals are sacred -- we make sure to be here for story time and bedtime. I miss this only in exceptional circumstances, such as unavoidable client dinners, travel out of town, etc. And on weekends, we have a nanny come on Sundays only, so that Saturday is family time only. Inevitably, one or both of us have to work some part of the weekend, but we try to put it off til naptime or after the kids go to bed. All of the domestic help is very expensive, but it makes me feel less guilty about spending most of the weekdays away from the children. Is it perfect? No, but I am not ready to give it all up. I enjoy my professional life, and find that I am a better Mom when I have other things going on, such as work. Good luck. |
Anonymous
It sounds like you've got a whole lot going for you -- don't ever count yourself out on the rainmaking front. Seriously. Careers are long, and if you're truly good at what you do and are committed to staying in the game, you may be surprised by what you can build and where you can end up over time. I saw this happen with a woman at my old firm. She downshifted for at least a decade while her kids were young (out of the firm entirely for awhile and then back as part-time counsel), but then she ramped back up as they entered high school. She's now a full-fledged equity partner with a top-tier firm who loves what she does and is quite a force with business development. I think the keys for her were that she truly enjoys practicing law, she's very good at it, and while she didn't do much direct networking or marketing for about 10 years, she was also careful not to isolate herself completely. There's really so much can do to stay visible without spending much time or effort. Trust that it will pay off later if you want it. Anyway, I know this is a bit off-topic, but I just wanted to cheer you all on at the law firms!! It's a tough profession and the big firms take it to a whole other level. I have such huge respect for those of you who like it enough to stick it out!! 
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Anonymous
| Thanks for all the wonderful replies! You give me a lot to chew on. |
Anonymous
This poster sounds very well-meaning and sincere, but her post exactly describes why I left big-firm life. I couldn't stand, speaking just for me, never seeing our kids and having a babysitter on top of a nanny, and only being there for bedtime once a week. It just wasn't worth it to me. This poster sounds confident that tiny quality time will be enough, but I just wasn't so sure 9again, speaking only for our family). |
Anonymous
I agree. I just couldn't be okay with this. I think I would choose not to have kids if this were the scenario I was faced with. Also, my older child is in his last year of preschool (he's 4.5) and he has a lot of issues that he wants to talk about (people being mean at school, etc.). These issues always come up randomly at dinner, or during bath or books. These problems don't just start in middle school. I know I had a tough time with all the emotional stuff when I was in elementary. |
Anonymous
| I know everyone makes their own choices in life, but reading this post makes me really sad. I hope the OP and others out there searching for the right balance, can find it. Our country still has lots of room for improvement when it comes to work-family balance, although it is encouraging to hear that many of you have been able to make adjustments to your schedules and reprioritize things. Good luck! |
Anonymous
I'm THAT poster. You assume I am okay with it. You assume too much. Let's just say my marriage is extremely dysfunctional, and I have very little choice about what I do unless I want to blow everything up. I did a cold calculation about whether, if I divorced my husband and got a different job, I would see my kids more. Once you factor in the time they would be obligated to spend with him, I wouldn't. So I make the best of it - for now. Don't be so quick to judge people. I didn't post to say I had a great life. I was gently trying to tell the OP that it is hell and she needs to make sure she is going in with her eyes wide open. |
Anonymous
I'm sorry. Hope that things improve for you. I didn't get that from your first post- that you were suggesting it would be hell. |
Anonymous
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I work FT at a large DC law firm and I have to say that I don't seem to work nearly the hours that the other posters work. I tend to get home for dinner at least 3 week nights/week. If I am busy, I then work some after they go back to sleep. I'm a transactional attorney, so things are slow now, but even when they are busy, I feel like I can manage just fine. I don't work at a firm that asks for 2,400 hours + year though. Maybe that makes a difference. And I am VERY efficient during the day (well...not today, but it is a recession). I bring my lunch and eat it at my desk, while doing work. I can easily bill at least 8.5 hours day at the office and still get home by 7:30 most nights (I have a short commute, which helps a LOT). I make up the rest of the hours as needed after the kids go to bed.
I'm a counsel. Making partner will be next to impossible in this economy in my field, but most people who do make partner only bill about 2,150 hours/year anyways. If you do the math, you can easily work 9 hours a day and bill those kind of hours / year and still make partner. We have a nanny that works 9 hours/day and a housekeeper. We also have family around for back-up care. And I have a husband with a very flexible job. But I don't really understand all the doom and gloom. I don't think I work THAT much more than most professionals, but get paid a LOT more. |
Anonymous
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14:10, your DH has a flexible job. That's the key. If you both have very inflexible jobs, the only people there to pick up the slack are the people you hire. And occasionally your mother when you both have to be out of town at the same time. That's always a fun phone call: "Mom, I bought you a ticket. You need to get on a plane in two hours."
OP says her DH works. Not clear if he is flexible or if he is a big firm partner or high-level exec who is on call 24/7. |
Anonymous
| OP - here. My husband is is not a big firm partner or a high level exec. But he doesn't get home from work until about 7:30/8. I feel, at least in my view, that he would have a difficult time taking more of role with the children. I think he competes with me to see who can work longer and harder etc. So, my concern is how I can do it without counting on him to be flexible. Because i know he won't be. |
Anonymous
| I'm a partner at a pretty high-powered firm, but I lateraled in here when I had substantial skills and experience. I work part-time, except when I have a trial or deposition or something. I make less than my partners, but I work less too, and right now that's more important to me. My husband is a lawyer too, and gets home later than I do, but never works weekends and doesn't have much travel. I do the school pickup, the after school activities, cook dinner most nights, and we eat together as a family most nights. There is no way I could deal with not seeing my kids until 7 pm every night. They're not at their best by that time, and neither am I. Right now, my arrangement works great -- I could never have stayed home, but need to be with my kids more than an hour or two a day. |
Anonymous
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I am counsel at a large firm and am 80 percent. That means I work 8:30-6 five days a week and barely meet my billable hours. I also regularly check email at night and do a few hours of work every weekend. As counsel, I have a lot of non-billable responsibilities. I also know that I will never make partner at my firm because my firm only promotes those who regularly exceed the billable hour requirements to partnership and I am not willing to give up time with my daughter to meet that goal. My daughter is in daycare in my building and I have a very short commute to work.
While all firms require billable hours to advance, I do not believe that all firms put the same level of emphasis on billable hours or require as many as my firm does (I have worked at smaller firms in the past). I think it is important to evaluate what the firm's culture appears to be. For example, I would evaluate whether all or most of the partners are men with stay-at-home wives or is there more of a balance? It is important to evaluate what your career goals are. Will you be happy remaining a senior associate or of counsel versus becoming a partner if it is all about billable hours and you don't want to make that commitment? And finally, I think it is important to decide how much you value your family time versus having the income that goes with working at a bigger firm and competing to get ahead there. I am very grateful that I am not in a financial situation where I have to have a babysitter take over for a nanny and arrive home when my child is going to bed every night so that I can make the choices I have. |
Anonymous
| Good for you, 17:54. As the PP who you took a dig at in your last sentence, I can assure you it has nothing to do with my finances. |