Wife won't follow lead

[Anonymous]

Was definitely not expecting a post about dancing. LOL!

[Anonymous]

I once gave my husband a bloody nose dancing and he didn't leave me stranded on the dance floor. I suspect that your salsa dancing fiasco is symptomatic of larger control issues. Do you feel frequently criticized or nitpicked by her? Doe she think you generally do a bad job at projects? Do you both need to be right, hate to apologize?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like salsa classes were a bust. Maybe hip hop next time?

Sounds like crumping might be an even better choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like salsa classes were a bust. Maybe hip hop next time?

Sounds like crumping might be an even better choice.

I actaully think for beginners that swing would be the easiest. I dance about 10 different dances. Swing needs less frame, it's easy to follow and it's not as precise as some other dances. The beat in salsa is hard to follow (remembering to pause is hard for me even)

[Anonymous]

Dancing is the least of your problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dancing is the least of your problems.

EXACTLY! What is with the responses about trying a new lesson or style!?!?! Idiots!

[Anonymous]

You sound perfect for each other.

[Anonymous]

DH and I have a terrible time dancing together. He claims that I refuse to follow. I claim that he's a weak lead who leaves me floundering to figure out which way he wants me to go. I end up guessing, and am frequently wrong.

Our relationship is great in every other way, we just can't figure this one out. We've taken private ballroom lessons and stumbled through it, but not particularly well.

Our solution? After 15 years together, we just don't dance. It sucks, cause I love dancing (used to swing and salsa regularly, before I met him), but it's not worth causing a fight over. On the rare occasion that I get to dance with someone else at a wedding or something, I have no problem following. Maybe we need to take up square dancing and let someone else lead both of us.

[Anonymous]

This is DCUM where getting humiliated by your wife in public doesn't matter. Then again if you took THE car and left her stranded that isn't cool at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You were both wrong, but to be fair, you can't frame the problem as entirely your wife's responsibility. Having taken a few partner-dance classes, I can tell when a man is a good "leader" and when he is pretty weak or incompetent. You should ask your teacher how you can be a better leader. One thing that I noticed that good leads do is have a firm hand on the back and is able to apply just the right amount of pressure to direct my body in the proper way. If you have floppy hands, poor posture, or are unsure, you need to work on better leading.

+1

I dance salsa and several other Latin dances and it's really, really hard for me to let someone take the lead who is a bad lead. I've been pretty badly hurt a couple of times because my partner was a crap lead and led me into a dangerous situation. I also learn dance moves very quickly and it's difficult not to "back lead" someone who's not doing it right. Maybe you two should keep at the lessons but find lessons where they rotate partners so that you can each get a feel for dancing with other people.

But seriously, you acted like a total big baby.

[Anonymous]

You know it IS 2014 and these days anything goes. I mean...Same-sex couples can basically marry anywhere now so why not let her take the lead? She may be on to something here....

[Anonymous]

Why don't you just switch partners and learn to dance with the other people in your class? There are always fewer men then women anyways.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I take dance lessons, and 3 years in we are still trying to fine tune our ability to lead and follow properly. When we learn a new step, we usually are both convinced it's the other person doing it wrong - until our instructor points out how we are both doing something wrong and we fix ourselves. It's challenging as our normal dynamic is that I'm the decisive person and my husband isn't - we've benefited greatly from both of us being forced out of our comfort zones. One thing I've learned is that I do my husband no favors if I don't truly follow - if I compensate (because I know what he meant to do instead of what he did do) then the feedback he gets is that he's doing it right when he's not. If I strictly follow, and then I don't do what he intended - then he has to tweak his technique until it's more clear. We do the Argentine Tango, which is improvised - so there aren't really set sequences to learn - so we really do have to pay close attention to each other!

But the bottom line is that it takes a tremendous amount of patience with each other. It seems like you both were quick to decide how it "should be done" when you were on your first class! She should have been more patient and willing to let you make mistakes, and you shouldn't have walked away. You were both wrong. It is painful to dance with a poor leader (especially with one who thinks he's God's gift to dancing!), but dance etiquette still requires one leader and one follower.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dancing is the least of your problems.

EXACTLY! What is with the responses about trying a new lesson or style!?!?! Idiots!

The hip hop and krumping suggestions were jokes. Idiot indeed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have a terrible time dancing together. He claims that I refuse to follow. I claim that he's a weak lead who leaves me floundering to figure out which way he wants me to go. I end up guessing, and am frequently wrong.

Our relationship is great in every other way, we just can't figure this one out. We've taken private ballroom lessons and stumbled through it, but not particularly well.

Our solution? After 15 years together, we just don't dance. It sucks, cause I love dancing (used to swing and salsa regularly, before I met him), but it's not worth causing a fight over. On the rare occasion that I get to dance with someone else at a wedding or something, I have no problem following. Maybe we need to take up square dancing and let someone else lead both of us.

We are the same way... We fought at EVERY couple's class. Sadly, it translates to poor sex - DH gets so self centered, he forgets it's a couple thing, not's a show off.