Wife won't follow lead

[Anonymous]

My wife and I signed up for a Salsa class. Neither of us has any experience with Salsa dancing. For those of you not familiar with salsa dancing, gender roles are well defined with the male taking the lead. So the instructor shows us the first set of steps and we along with several other couple begin trying.

A few minutes in, I notice my wife is trying to lead. I ask her about it.

The instructor also comes over and says "the male is supposed to lead."

We continue trying but she insists on taking the lead. I ask her what is going on. She says "You are making mistakes so I am not going to follow you."

I explain that the male leads in this dance, etc. but she insists she will not follow since "I don't know what I am doing" I just couldn't see having my wife twirl me around, dip me, etc. I'm about a foot taller than my wife and outweigh her by about 90 pounds.

I left her on the floor and left the class.

Was I out of line?

When she came home she didn't seem angry that I left her on the floor and even joked about it with a friend.

[Anonymous]

Well leaving her on the floor along w/leaving the class seems a little melodramatic as well as humiliating to me OP. I mean c'mon...It's only a DANCE.

Sounds to me like you really take this dance thing a little too seriously.

You sound a little too "Type A" for my tastes.

I think your wife's reaction is perfect. She wasn't affected at all.

Team Wifey here.

[Anonymous]

I would be very upset if my husband gave up on me, and publicly. So yes, in that respect, you were out of line.

You should ask the instructor for a private lesson to teach you the steps. That way you will lead correctly and your wife will follow you.

[Anonymous]

You were both wrong.

She was being a complete bitch to you.

And you left her. I understand the "wanting" to leave due to her behavior but you should not have done that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well leaving her on the floor along w/leaving the class seems a little melodramatic as well as humiliating to me OP. I mean c'mon...It's only a DANCE.

Sounds to me like you really take this dance thing a little too seriously.

You sound a little too "Type A" for my tastes.

I think your wife's reaction is perfect. She wasn't affected at all.

Team Wifey here.

I tend to agree, but to play Devil's Advocate, his wife was being a little duochey, too. Gotta wonder how much trivial shit they butt heads over....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You were both wrong.

She was being a complete bitch to you.

And you left her. I understand the "wanting" to leave due to her behavior but you should not have done that.

Op here. So you think I should had let her lead during the dancing? Somebody has to lead it's not the type of thing you can split the difference on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You were both wrong.

She was being a complete bitch to you.

And you left her. I understand the "wanting" to leave due to her behavior but you should not have done that.

Op here. So you think I should had let her lead during the dancing? Somebody has to lead it's not the type of thing you can split the difference on.

PP here. I think you should have sucked it up during the class and gone home to discuss why the hell she was being a bitch! Is she always like that? I have a very dominating personality and was a dancer and my DH and I did the lesson and although he was horrible I would have never done what your wife did.

Do you all always treat each other like this? If so, you should consider counseling. We did it and it helped everything!

[Anonymous]

I'm a wife who has tendencies to lead, and I totally understand. With ballroom the man leads. So you have to learn to lead. She has to learn to follow. If she isn't willing to learn to follow there is no point to taking a class. Yes you are going to make mistakes but that's why you are learning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You were both wrong.

She was being a complete bitch to you.

And you left her. I understand the "wanting" to leave due to her behavior but you should not have done that.

Op here. So you think I should had let her lead during the dancing? Somebody has to lead it's not the type of thing you can split the difference on.

Different pp here. No don't let her lead. If she's so great a dancer you should have asked her to teach you how to lead. I used to be a professional dancer, and am much better than my husband at it. I have t aught my husband how to lead me. I never ever lead him. Really, go get a private lesson.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like salsa classes were a bust. Maybe hip hop next time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You were both wrong.

She was being a complete bitch to you.

And you left her. I understand the "wanting" to leave due to her behavior but you should not have done that.

Op here. So you think I should had let her lead during the dancing? Somebody has to lead it's not the type of thing you can split the difference on.

Different pp here. No don't let her lead. If she's so great a dancer you should have asked her to teach you how to lead. I used to be a professional dancer, and am much better than my husband at it. I have t aught my husband how to lead me. I never ever lead him. Really, go get a private lesson.

Another pp here...obviously her reaction had nothing to do with the dancing. A private lesson will not change anything.

[Anonymous]

ballroom dancer here- when we're learning a new pattern DH and I have the tendency to both do our own moves together (neither leading). Then when we're comfortable with how the moves fit together, DH will lead me.

OP it's difficult to lead when your wife knows what move you're practicing. The challenge is whether she can follow when you're just dancing on the dance floor and she doesn't know what's coming next. She won't be able to lead then.

[Anonymous]

OP I would suggest not taking group classes until you have basics (like leading) under your belt. Private lessons are the best. We improve 10x quicker with those versus group classes.

[Anonymous]

Did she sign you up for the salsa class or did you? Just wondering; maybe she really doesn't want to learn.

Seems strange if it turns out that she is threatened by taking the back seat in a situation where we all know the male leads, even if he doesn't know what he's doing. She has to allow you to learn to lead, so you'll be making mistakes, sure. She has to learn to follow the mistakes, that's her job.

[Anonymous]

You were both wrong, but to be fair, you can't frame the problem as entirely your wife's responsibility. Having taken a few partner-dance classes, I can tell when a man is a good "leader" and when he is pretty weak or incompetent. You should ask your teacher how you can be a better leader. One thing that I noticed that good leads do is have a firm hand on the back and is able to apply just the right amount of pressure to direct my body in the proper way. If you have floppy hands, poor posture, or are unsure, you need to work on better leading.