If you were/are diagnosed as a narcissist or married to one.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Slight spin-off: does anyone know what conditions cause NPD? My mother has NPD, and I have definitely suffered for it. When I stumbled across a web site about daughters with NPD mothers I felt like my whole life had been explained. While I have seen a lot about NPD on DCUM, I haven't read too much about what familial conditions lead to it. I would love to know if anyone has any insight. My grandfather died 25 plus years ago so I didn't know him well, but my grandmother and I were relatively close. They had a good marriage as far as I can tell. I'm just trying to put the pieces together about why my mother turns out the way she did (and really don't want to repeat the damage on my children as, like a previous poster noted, I sometimes catch myself modeling certain NPD behaviors in adulthood).

I'm interested in the answer to that question, too, pp!

Sorry about your experiences with your mother. I know the website you're referring to. It's been helpful to me, as well.

[Anonymous]

My father in a Narcissist. He is also a genius. He was raised believing he is always the smartest person around. Everyone raved about how smart he was, but ignored his social immaturity.

As an adult, his bosses were always idiots (according to him). Everything that happened in life was because of other people -- he never made a mistake. If something bad happened, he would blame someone.

As a kid, I learned not to set him off. I also learned to be outraged when someone else screws up -- that it is acceptable behavior. However, I also know I make mistakes, and now I own them. But, it took a lot of therapy to learn how to act around normal people. I also found that I am drawn to narcissists...when I run into one, I try to please them -- I am still looking for approval from my father, even though I am 50 years old. I am also male.

Today, he is a bitter old man....addicted to prescription pain meds; at least once a quarter, he (IMHO) OD's on them, but blames other things....like a mini stroke instead of his screw up. He insists on being the center of attention: he OD'd on the day a tumor was removed from me; he had come up to help -- we did not want him, and did not give him a place to stay, but he came anyway. When he OD'd, it meant the support network I had was split. So, I am in the ICU, and everyone else is worrying about him. I am not bitter about it anymore (much).

Fortunately, he lives on the other side of the country. I do not have to see him that often; probably next time in december.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
They amd psychopaths should be avoided at all costs.

One of my parents is NPD, the other is full-blown sociopath. They are both high-functioning vampires. My childhood was post-apocalyptic.

[Anonymous]

Putting in my two cents as someone who is a borderline narcissist. It my divorce to realize I was (a big) part of the problem. Also ex was BNPD. In my new marriage, I have to constantly remind myself we're on the same team, think before I speak, modulate my tone, and ALWAYS give the benefit of the doubt to my spouse because I can't "trust" my perception of the situation due to BNPD. It's a ton of work but keeps our marriage intact. Sometimes I want to be like F it, I want to be single! Ha!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Putting in my two cents as someone who is a borderline narcissist. It my divorce to realize I was (a big) part of the problem. Also ex was BNPD. In my new marriage, I have to constantly remind myself we're on the same team, think before I speak, modulate my tone, and ALWAYS give the benefit of the doubt to my spouse because I can't "trust" my perception of the situation due to BNPD. It's a ton of work but keeps our marriage intact. Sometimes I want to be like F it, I want to be single! Ha!

Meant to say: It TOOK my divorce to realize I was (a big) part of the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
They amd psychopaths should be avoided at all costs.

One of my parents is NPD, the other is full-blown sociopath. They are both high-functioning vampires. My childhood was post-apocalyptic.

My dad is a psychopath as well. I'd be dead in a ditch if it were not for my somewhat normal (as normal as someone is who marries a psychopath. My condolences. At least you fan laugh. Its the only coping mechanism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Putting in my two cents as someone who is a borderline narcissist. It my divorce to realize I was (a big) part of the problem. Also ex was BNPD. In my new marriage, I have to constantly remind myself we're on the same team, think before I speak, modulate my tone, and ALWAYS give the benefit of the doubt to my spouse because I can't "trust" my perception of the situation due to BNPD. It's a ton of work but keeps our marriage intact. Sometimes I want to be like F it, I want to be single! Ha!

Is this an actual medical diagnosis? Becase that just sounds like you might be extremely selfish and self centered and have a glimmer of awareness. Narcissists have zero awarenedd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married to one. He only sees that I am the whole problem. So, no, counseling didn't help.

This exactly. We tried counseling and were "fired" by the therapist who explained "I have nothing to offer in a situation where one half of the couple assigns 100% of the blame to the other." He called me at work the next day to say that, informally, my husband is a narcissist, he predicts that our situation will get worse not better, and he strongly suggests that I get out.

Of course he was right, but unfortunately at the time my twins were 9 mos old, my job was incredibly demanding, and I didn't have the emotional wherewithal to deal. It took me 9 mostly miserable years to divorce him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married to one. He only sees that I am the whole problem. So, no, counseling didn't help.

This exactly. We tried counseling and were "fired" by the therapist who explained "I have nothing to offer in a situation where one half of the couple assigns 100% of the blame to the other." He called me at work the next day to say that, informally, my husband is a narcissist, he predicts that our situation will get worse not better, and he strongly suggests that I get out.

Of course he was right, but unfortunately at the time my twins were 9 mos old, my job was incredibly demanding, and I didn't have the emotional wherewithal to deal. It took me 9 mostly miserable years to divorce him.

So sorry - sounds hellish. Hope you and your children are in a better place now.

[Anonymous]

Alcoholic families produce a good number of the narcs around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married to one. He only sees that I am the whole problem. So, no, counseling didn't help.

So how are you dealing with it? What is making you stick to the marriage?

[Anonymous]

my friend is married to one, but luckily she figured it out one year into marriage, before kids, when she discovered he'd been having an affair for a couple years. though she had wads of proof, he denied everything, then told his family that she'd kicked him out and that she was mentally unstable (so not true), to her face he blamed her for derailing his career (even though he quit his job due to 'stress') and denies the affair, he's continuing to lie and lie and lie. He's a great actor and people believe him. My poor friend had been with him more than 10 years, and now she's 40 and single and she does't even know where he is and she has to track him down to try to get a divorce. Oh, she also spent her savings on the big wedding that HE insisted on--she was going to use it for a downpayment, but he insisted on a huge wedding that he did not contribute to at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Putting in my two cents as someone who is a borderline narcissist. It my divorce to realize I was (a big) part of the problem. Also ex was BNPD. In my new marriage, I have to constantly remind myself we're on the same team, think before I speak, modulate my tone, and ALWAYS give the benefit of the doubt to my spouse because I can't "trust" my perception of the situation due to BNPD. It's a ton of work but keeps our marriage intact. Sometimes I want to be like F it, I want to be single! Ha!

Is this an actual medical diagnosis? Becase that just sounds like you might be extremely selfish and self centered and have a glimmer of awareness. Narcissists have zero awarenedd.

Not PP. Not really a diagnosis, since narcissistic traits are a spectrum that we all sit on. I don't think there is a clinical designation BNPD, but lots of people exist there anyway....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Psychopaths do not have empathy. Narcissists do at times. A lack of empathy is at the heart of a psychopath (along with copious lies).

If the person you are dealinh with has no empathy at all, they've crossed the line into psychopathy.

Fun fact: Yawning is contagious. When people are shown pictures of yawns or witness people yawning, most often they yawn back.This does not happed with a psychopath.

I tested the yawning theory on my spouse who I know is a textbook Narcisist. Spent a whole evening together - talking over dinner. I yawned a hundred times. Spouse never did. Hmmmmm...

[Anonymous]

PP here again. Also gave spouse the narcissist quiz from previous post. Bingo! Perfect score!