If you were/are diagnosed as a narcissist or married to one.....

[Anonymous]

If you were diagnosed as a narcissist, were you able to change for the sake of your marriage?
If you were married to one, was your spouse able to change for the save your marriage?
What helped? Counseling?

[Anonymous]

Married to one. He only sees that I am the whole problem. So, no, counseling didn't help.

[Anonymous]

It's an incurable mental disorder.

[Anonymous]

It is impossible for you to get a narcissist to chime in. No way would one see a doctor becsuse they've identified a problem with themselves. They would not be a narcissist if they did.

They amd psychopaths should be avoided at all costs. A successful marriage with one is impossible. If you have children with a narcissist, you meed to focus on them. They are going to need a lot of help and will probably struggle their entire lives to have healthy relationships and a healthy self image.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is impossible for you to get a narcissist to chime in. No way would one see a doctor becsuse they've identified a problem with themselves. They would not be a narcissist if they did.

They amd psychopaths should be avoided at all costs. A successful marriage with one is impossible. If you have children with a narcissist, you meed to focus on them. They are going to need a lot of help and will probably struggle their entire lives to have healthy relationships and a healthy self image.

Sad, but true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is impossible for you to get a narcissist to chime in. No way would one see a doctor becsuse they've identified a problem with themselves. They would not be a narcissist if they did.

They amd psychopaths should be avoided at all costs. A successful marriage with one is impossible. If you have children with a narcissist, you meed to focus on them. They are going to need a lot of help and will probably struggle their entire lives to have healthy relationships and a healthy self image.

Sad, but true.

My mother is a narc and damn am I messed up because of it. Sometimes I think I might be a narc too, but then realize that I can't truly be, because I wouldn't be so self aware.

[Anonymous]

I was married to one. Nothing could change him because he never saw that he did anything wrong.

So I walked. His new girlfriend can deal with that crap! Good riddance!

[Anonymous]

Agree, I have never met a self-professed narcissist. My ex is the least self-aware person I know. Completely oblivious.

No.

Counseling did not help. He blamed me for everything and called multiple counselors crazy, or said they liked me for whatever reason...and checked out quickly.

Attempting to coparent is almost as bad as being married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is impossible for you to get a narcissist to chime in. No way would one see a doctor becsuse they've identified a problem with themselves. They would not be a narcissist if they did.

They amd psychopaths should be avoided at all costs. A successful marriage with one is impossible. If you have children with a narcissist, you meed to focus on them. They are going to need a lot of help and will probably struggle their entire lives to have healthy relationships and a healthy self image.

Sad, but true.

My mother is a narc and damn am I messed up because of it. Sometimes I think I might be a narc too, but then realize that I can't truly be, because I wouldn't be so self aware.

You probably just picked up some nasty habits of your mother's that you are now modeling in adulthood.

[Anonymous]

I was also married to one. I finally got him to go to counseling and he was pretty honest in our sessions about his view of the world. After about two months, she sat us down and told us she believed he was a narcissist and that the only hope for our relationship was for him to do serious work on his own with a therapist. He stormed out. She then turned to me and very quietly said "You have to do some serious thinking about what you and your children really deserve. Because that right there is what it's always going to be." We've been divorced for 4 years. He's exactly who he always was. And I'm a much much happier person now.

[Anonymous]

Why on earth would a Narcissist change? They are never wrong!

Save your breath and learn coping strategies instead.

[Anonymous]

Agree with a lot of what's been said, however I'd add that narcissism, like all personality traits, exists on a spectrum. Not everyone with narcissistic traits has full-blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I think the milder cases offer more hope for change. The person at least sometimes has a glimmer of insight into their narcissism and at least a bit of empathy towards other. On some level they dimly recognize they are too self-centered and feel sort of empty. These are the ones where therapy can help.

[Anonymous]

Slight spin-off: does anyone know what conditions cause NPD? My mother has NPD, and I have definitely suffered for it. When I stumbled across a web site about daughters with NPD mothers I felt like my whole life had been explained. While I have seen a lot about NPD on DCUM, I haven't read too much about what familial conditions lead to it. I would love to know if anyone has any insight. My grandfather died 25 plus years ago so I didn't know him well, but my grandmother and I were relatively close. They had a good marriage as far as I can tell. I'm just trying to put the pieces together about why my mother turns out the way she did (and really don't want to repeat the damage on my children as, like a previous poster noted, I sometimes catch myself modeling certain NPD behaviors in adulthood).

[Anonymous]

I was engaged to a charming guy who always talked about how he just didn't feel empathy for anyone. Sympathy yes, but empathy no. He had many other NPD traits, but that one stuck out. Eventually I began to see how hard it was to be in a relationship with someone who could never see things from my point of view.

[Anonymous]

Psychopaths do not have empathy. Narcissists do at times. A lack of empathy is at the heart of a psychopath (along with copious lies).

If the person you are dealinh with has no empathy at all, they've crossed the line into psychopathy.

Fun fact: Yawning is contagious. When people are shown pictures of yawns or witness people yawning, most often they yawn back.This does not happed with a psychopath.