Does your spouse have a best friend who is of the opposite sex?

[Anonymous]

I did before we got married. My best friend got married first and it definitely changed the vibe in our friendship. Once I was married too, we just tapered off. My husband didn't ask me to, but I just found it too distracting. A best friend is some one you can lean on emotionally. For that to be some one of the opposite sex, but not your spouse, means relying on some one else for support and company in life - too much of a gray area for me.

We now just exchange general updates on how life is going a couple times a year and when we're both in the same town, we hang out with the whole family present. No one on one in depth talks, no BFFing bonding, etc. I know plenty of people out there can make the situation work, but it didn't work for me and I wouldn't love if DH was best friends with a woman either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband has a best friend that is a female. Doesn't bother me at all. They grew up together. She is pretty cool if I must say so myself.

Why didn't he marry her? Have they fooled around at all? If not, she must be butt-ugly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has a best friend that is a female. Doesn't bother me at all. They grew up together. She is pretty cool if I must say so myself.

Why didn't he marry her? Have they fooled around at all? If not, she must be butt-ugly.

Not PP but I'm sure it's because they have a platonic relationship, don't love each other, and are not a good match. For you, best friends and not butt ugly equals a marriage?

[Anonymous]

Everyone who is saying your spouse is your best friend, cut the bullshit. That doesn't count.

I am a single female but one of my best friends is a gay guy. Would his being gay make our closeness more acceptable than another male friend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has a best friend that is a female. Doesn't bother me at all. They grew up together. She is pretty cool if I must say so myself.

Why didn't he marry her? Have they fooled around at all? If not, she must be butt-ugly.

Not PP but I'm sure it's because they have a platonic relationship, don't love each other, and are not a good match. For you, best friends and not butt ugly equals a marriage?

Yes. You're supposed to be best friends with your spouse, and the intimacy will be the fertilizer that allows a special kind of love to blossom, which gets consecrated by marriage. That's what we were taught in Bible school.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't be worried if my spouse had a BFF of the opposite gender as long as that friend was A). a homosexual or B). very obese/unattractive.

Yes, I guess I have security issues. Or rather why go looking for trouble?

If they were best friends prior to your marriage, then it would be unfair for you to ask him to end their friendship just because you felt uncomfortable. Esp. if they had been friends for a long time.

To make you feel better about the friendship, I would suggest your husband include you in any outings the two of them partake in + that as a common courtesy to you, his wife, refrain from socializing w/her alone if that makes you uneasy.

After all, you are his WIFE which means you should be his top priority now and if anything makes you uncomfortable, he should prioritize your feelings over anything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone who is saying your spouse is your best friend, cut the bullshit. That doesn't count.

I am a single female but one of my best friends is a gay guy. Would his being gay make our closeness more acceptable than another male friend?

Yes it does. A straight male friend's main impetus in hanging out with you is so he can gain your trust enough so that you can let your guard down and allow him to stick his penis in your vagina. That's what makes him straight. Your gay friend isn't interested in vaginas, although you never know, because our sexuality is fluid and subject to change at any given point in time.

[Anonymous]

You guys who are able to keep your opposite sex friends are so lucky-my close guy friend got himself a jealous bitch gf and now our friendship is ruined. Im married btw and dh was pretty ok with it.

[Anonymous]

I guess I am the "best friend of the opposite sex." I (female) am best friends with a man. We met when we were young, had mutual friends, went on about 3 dates, and realized we were not for each other.

No one either of us has ever been with has ever had a problem with our friendship with each other. He was with one woman for 10 years - I became good friends with her, too, and helped him pick out her engagement ring, with the proposal, etc. They split several years ago and he now has another partner (live-in) that he's been with for 5 years. She's never been anything but fantastic to me, and in fact, during the one big fight he and I had (in 17 years of friendship) a couple years ago, she was inviting me to their parties, etc. and encouraging him to work it out with me. I haven't had anyone of the duration he did, but none of my boyfriends ever had a problem with him, either.

I think the reason none of our partners ever had an issue with our friendship is because they honestly 'got' the friendship. It's obvious. There is NOTHING romantic there. No sparks. We have never, ever slept together, not even when we were both single, when he was going through his divorce, ever.

I love him dearly, he's like the brother I never had. We are so close that I have joked that if he killed someone, it'd have to be someone I really loved before I'd even consider not helping him to bury the body. I know can count on him for anything, and he's told me the same is true for him.

Everyone's got to figure out what works for them, but for me, when every other person in my life (and his) has realized our relationship is not a threat, I'd be hard-pressed to give up my best friend of 17 years because some guy who was a lot newer on the scene than that had a problem with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone who is saying your spouse is your best friend, cut the bullshit. That doesn't count.

I am a single female but one of my best friends is a gay guy. Would his being gay make our closeness more acceptable than another male friend?

thank you, no wonder marriages crumble under the weight of it all. Your spouse must be your lover, best friend, therapist, career coach, father of your children, punching bag, blah blah blah

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone who is saying your spouse is your best friend, cut the bullshit. That doesn't count.

I am a single female but one of my best friends is a gay guy. Would his being gay make our closeness more acceptable than another male friend?

Yes it does. A straight male friend's main impetus in hanging out with you is so he can gain your trust enough so that you can let your guard down and allow him to stick his penis in your vagina. That's what makes him straight. Your gay friend isn't interested in vaginas, although you never know, because our sexuality is fluid and subject to change at any given point in time.

oh please, what are you, 2?. If I wasn't interested in fucking him when I met him, what will make me develop an interest 17 years later?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone who is saying your spouse is your best friend, cut the bullshit. That doesn't count.

I am a single female but one of my best friends is a gay guy. Would his being gay make our closeness more acceptable than another male friend?

Yes it does. A straight male friend's main impetus in hanging out with you is so he can gain your trust enough so that you can let your guard down and allow him to stick his penis in your vagina. That's what makes him straight. Your gay friend isn't interested in vaginas, although you never know, because our sexuality is fluid and subject to change at any given point in time.

oh please, what are you, 2?. If I wasn't interested in fucking him when I met him, what will make me develop an interest 17 years later?

Nice, intentionally mischaracterizing my age and using it as justification to dismiss my opinion - that's real mature of you, I can't wait to grow up so I can be wise like you. First I'll have to find a gay guy to be my token gay friend, so I can have a pawn, oops I mean a person, to use as a counter example whenever there's a discussion involving orientation. Well played, pp!

As for what would make you develop an interest 17 years later? That's such a wide open question, I shouldn't even have to answer it for you, but here's a couple of possibilities: after 17 years, he could get really good at football from practicing all the time, and sign a 10 million dollar contract with the Redskins. I bet you'd get a lot more interested in him then. He could also study pick up artist techniques and become an awesome pick up artist and put you under his spell with his game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has a best friend that is a female. Doesn't bother me at all. They grew up together. She is pretty cool if I must say so myself.

Why didn't he marry her? Have they fooled around at all? If not, she must be butt-ugly.

Not PP but I'm sure it's because they have a platonic relationship, don't love each other, and are not a good match. For you, best friends and not butt ugly equals a marriage?

Yes. You're supposed to be best friends with your spouse, and the intimacy will be the fertilizer that allows a special kind of love to blossom, which gets consecrated by marriage. That's what we were taught in Bible school.

Well, for those of us who weren't forced into Bible school, we have opposite sex best friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone who is saying your spouse is your best friend, cut the bullshit. That doesn't count.

I am a single female but one of my best friends is a gay guy. Would his being gay make our closeness more acceptable than another male friend?

Yes it does. A straight male friend's main impetus in hanging out with you is so he can gain your trust enough so that you can let your guard down and allow him to stick his penis in your vagina. That's what makes him straight. Your gay friend isn't interested in vaginas, although you never know, because our sexuality is fluid and subject to change at any given point in time.

oh please, what are you, 2?. If I wasn't interested in fucking him when I met him, what will make me develop an interest 17 years later?

Nice, intentionally mischaracterizing my age and using it as justification to dismiss my opinion - that's real mature of you, I can't wait to grow up so I can be wise like you. First I'll have to find a gay guy to be my token gay friend, so I can have a pawn, oops I mean a person, to use as a counter example whenever there's a discussion involving orientation. Well played, pp!

As for what would make you develop an interest 17 years later? That's such a wide open question, I shouldn't even have to answer it for you, but here's a couple of possibilities: after 17 years, he could get really good at football from practicing all the time, and sign a 10 million dollar contract with the Redskins. I bet you'd get a lot more interested in him then. He could also study pick up artist techniques and become an awesome pick up artist and put you under his spell with his game.

God, you're dense

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
DH and I have had "best" friends of the opposite sex, at work and at different moments of our lives. DS has a girl best friend, they have known each other since they were 2, and are really like brother and sister.

Just because we love and married each other, it doesn't mean we fulfill 100% of each other's needs 100% of the time.

I don't see what the big deal is.

+1

+2

You people who insist that your husband/wife is your best friend are a bit hard to believe. I'm deeply and profoundly in love with my wife. I would never do anything to hurt her. But we are each our own person. We have friendships, hobbies, and interests that are different from each other (we of course also have friendships, hobbies, and interests that coincide). Our ability to each be a unique individual strengthens our family and our love.