Does your spouse have a best friend who is of the opposite sex?

[Anonymous]

Yes he does and we just broke up because he I found out he's been sleeping with her for a year.

[Anonymous]

NP, I wouldn't say my DH has a best friend of opposite sex (nor do I have a best friend of opposite sex), but we both have friends of opposite sex AND we are both still friends with several exes. And we are both totally fine with it.

Why are we fine with it? Because if either of us really wanted to be with one of those other people, we would have chosen them over each other. Neither of us has "new" opposite sex friends - these are all people we knew before meeting each other. I might pause if it was a new friend. We both meet a lot of people through our work, and usually if we meet someone new who's cool but opposite sex, we suggest they get together with both of us (or just figure out when they can meet the same sex spouse) and take it from there. Hot women often talk to my DH, and I'm ok with that, but if they claim to want to have a playdate (if they're single moms) or they want to know more about something, he always gives them MY number or email and suggests they talk to me. I do the same if it's a guy I dont know well who is obviously flirting but is asking for specific info or wants to socialize. I give him my DH's number and say "Oh, you'd love my DH, you should get together with him."

Back to the friends/exes though, the longest relationship I had before DH, that guy got married and I sat next to the woman he dated between me and his now wife at the wedding. I think where everyone is an adult and the split was basically mutual (or at least mature and not about something awful), there's no reason you can't still be friends. The person was good enough to sleep with and spend oodles of time with, why are they not a good person anymore just because you're not romantic?

And even with the sex, and the exes where sex was great, I have no interest in risking my marriage and DH feels the same (although he's more likely to just avoid any friends or exes he actually feels attracted to). And I support that he knows the difference and steers clear of trouble spots.

It's a big world. Someone who is unhappy or unfaithful will find trouble whether it is with a "friend" or someone you know nothing about. I focus on healthy relationships all around, steer clear of unhealthy ones, and I don't worry that DH has female friends, most of whom I've met and some of whom are now my friends too. DH has met almost all of my exes and all of my good male friends, and he's friends with some of them now too.

I just don't see why anyone would have a "no friends of opposite sex" rule, because that feels like there's a lot of insecurity and distrust there and that seems like a much bigger issue...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband has several good friends who happen to be women. I've met most of them, and they are cool people that I enjoy hanging out with. I'm not remotely threatened by them. I would worry if there was a new "friend" who he didn't introduce me to, or a friend that he never included me in plans with, but long-standing friends that I know and spend time with? No problem.

I agree with the PP who said that no one can fulfill 100 percent of another person's needs 100 percent of the time. My husband's gift for deep, long-lasting friendships is one of the things that attracted me to him--why would I want him to give those up?

Totally and completely agree with this.

Actually this all reminds me of a funny thing that happened, and I guess shows just how trusting some people can be. My oldest friends (friends since elementary school) met her husband when we were all in late 20s. He's an awesome guy, very cute, and because me and friend have always been very very close, I got to know him super well. I lived in a suburb of a big city then, and they had a place right in city and they (as my friend had since high school) gave me a key to their place and I was welcome on the couch whenever I had a late night (I always called). So one long weekend friend was away on a trip but she'd already told me I could spend weekend at their place, even though her DH was home. We had dinner and ran errands one day, and hung out with other mutal friends another day but arrived at their place together. The landlady owned a store on the 1st floor of their building, and when my friend came home she pulled her in the store and said "How do you deal with it??? I'm so disgusted! Right under your nose, in your OWN HOUSE!!!" Friend had no idea what she was talking about at first, but had a good laugh (which we all did). I'd be lying if I didn't admit that he's hot and there were some minor vibes on occasion, but there was NEVER any idea that anything would actually happen or that we were seriously interested in each other. And most of the time he was like a brother to me. We never ever discussed any mutual attraction, always kept things on the up and up.

Anyway, we're all still close, my DH and I and kids have stayed with them and their kids, vice verse, it's all good.

[Anonymous]

This used to bother me. DH has a female BFF from his college days, and she's very pretty and smart. But I genuinely think they now just bond over geeky stuff. I saw my DH's texts with her a week or so ago and all they were talking about was how cool Avengers was and some very complicated comic book stuff which I didn't understand.

I am not a geek at all so if DH wants to have geeky fun with his female friend then that's ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH has a best friend of the opposite sex and she is me.

No I would not be ok with it being some other woman. But marriages differ. I married my best friend as well as someone I'm attracted to.

+1

I highly doubt my dh would be cool with my having a male bff. It's funny too because we are both very secure in our marriage. I think it's just an old school thought about it.

[Anonymous]

DH's best friend is female. She's also a lesbian. It works out perfectly for everyone I'd probably be a little insecure if she was straight and single, but honestly, I have several really close guy friends (all straight, at least one single) and my husband doesn't mind at all.

[Anonymous]

I have mostly male friends. DH has one female friend and she is easily 250lbs. That is the only female friend he is ever going to have. Men and women are different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And if so, are you okay with it? What if that best friend is single?
I am of the school of thought that your spouse doesn't need a best friend of the opposite sex. I don't know what they would offer that me as a spouse wouldn't.
Am I just being completely insecure?

It depends upon how you define 'best friend.' My wife has friends of both sexes that she has common interests with that she and I don't share and the same goes for me. I certainly don't mind that she has male friends. I think there are things that should stay within a marriage and if my wife was sharing those with a 'friend' of either sex, I would be upset.

If you are asking if there can be strong friendship between members of the opposite sex without it becoming sexual, my answer is yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH has a best friend of the opposite sex and she is me.

No I would not be ok with it being some other woman. But marriages differ. I married my best friend as well as someone I'm attracted to.

+ 1.

+2. My DH is my best friend. Married people should not have "best friends" of the opposite sex. It's inappropriate and a recipe for disaster.

+3

[Anonymous]

My best friend was my high school boyfriend. We text all the time and talk on occasion. But I haven't seen him in person in over 10 years, and there's nothing romantic remaining between us. He was never a threat to my marriage and DH knows that. On the other hand, my next closest friend is also a man, one with whom I've never had a romantic or sexual relationship. There's chemistry but we made a decision to do the right thing and not to act on it. DH (now separated for other reasons) resented that friendship a lot.