Parents of precocious readers: Why do I feel like I have to pretend my kid can't read?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whenever strangers notice our three-year-old can read fluently like when DC reads part of a book out loud in a waiting room because DC has a question, they make snide comments about how we shouldn't push kids this age this hard and basically assume we are bad parents. When our pediatrician asked us how our three-year-old is doing developmentally we said ok and when she pressed about whether DC knows the alphabet we mentioned that our child can read. Pediatrician did not believe us and made a comment about how it's great DC is trying to learn the sounds of letters or something like that.

Thankfully the topic does not come up at our preschool as it's play-based and I don't think the teachers have noticed. One parent who we're not really friendly with noticed at a recent birthday party that DC could read some signs at the venue we were at and told us that it means nothing and that all the kids will catch up and exceed DC's abilities soon enough and that studies have shown that drilling kids with flashcards, etc. at this age actually hurts them. I was speechless as all I had said to her previously was basically, "Hi."

Well, first of all, we didn't do anything except read a lot. DC just happens to be one of those kids who picked up reading very fast and very easily. It's not uncommon. There are a lot of these kinds of kids.

Second, we know it doesn't mean much in the longterm and that the rest of the kids will catch up in early elementary school.

Besides, I don't know why it is anyone's business if other parents do drill their kids at this age? Personally, I applaud them for being dedicated parents and making the time to do this.

Why is there this weird culture in the Washington area where parents are so judgmental and they make a big deal out of something that isn't a big deal?

Odd. We have a precocious reader, too, and all anyone does is heap praise upon him and us – all of it, IMO, undeserved. Yes, he read super early, but it doesn't mean he's Einstein. It means his reading-wiring hooked up a few years before most kids', that's all. If I don't blame him for his late talking, why praise him for early reading? It's all just the developmental lottery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whenever strangers notice our three-year-old can read fluently like when DC reads part of a book out loud in a waiting room because DC has a question, they make snide comments about how we shouldn't push kids this age this hard and basically assume we are bad parents. When our pediatrician asked us how our three-year-old is doing developmentally we said ok and when she pressed about whether DC knows the alphabet we mentioned that our child can read. Pediatrician did not believe us and made a comment about how it's great DC is trying to learn the sounds of letters or something like that.

Thankfully the topic does not come up at our preschool as it's play-based and I don't think the teachers have noticed. One parent who we're not really friendly with noticed at a recent birthday party that DC could read some signs at the venue we were at and told us that it means nothing and that all the kids will catch up and exceed DC's abilities soon enough and that studies have shown that drilling kids with flashcards, etc. at this age actually hurts them. I was speechless as all I had said to her previously was basically, "Hi."

Well, first of all, we didn't do anything except read a lot. DC just happens to be one of those kids who picked up reading very fast and very easily. It's not uncommon. There are a lot of these kinds of kids.

Second, we know it doesn't mean much in the longterm and that the rest of the kids will catch up in early elementary school.

Besides, I don't know why it is anyone's business if other parents do drill their kids at this age? Personally, I applaud them for being dedicated parents and making the time to do this.

Why is there this weird culture in the Washington area where parents are so judgmental and they make a big deal out of something that isn't a big deal?

Odd. We have a precocious reader, too, and all anyone does is heap praise upon him and us – all of it, IMO, undeserved. Yes, he read super early, but it doesn't mean he's Einstein. It means his reading-wiring hooked up a few years before most kids', that's all. If I don't blame him for his late talking, why praise him for early reading? It's all just the developmental lottery.

So true. Aren't most people aware that kids can pick up reading completely on their own at an early age? I've witnessed it (not my kid) and I know its not the parents drilling the kid.

[Anonymous]

You applaud people who drill their small children? That is probably why people are reacting; they think your parenting is weird. Most people are really encouraging to my children.

[Anonymous]

OP My DD was like a little beautiful doll at age 3-4. People wherever we went made all kinds of comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry you are getting bad vibes OP! We had an early reader here too who would always read aloud in public. We experienced nothing but kind words! Perhaps pointing out what their child is good at (and yours is not) will help melt the tension. My DS is not the sportsman so I always comment positively when someone else's kid is excellent at throwing, kicking, etc.

+1 exactly my DS and what we've experienced.

[Anonymous]

I did not experience this. When dd was four I picked her up so she could see the ice cream options and she read each flavor. The man behind the counter was so impressed he asked if he could give her a candy bar.

At the doctors office dd read her medical chart and the doctor gave her a sticker. Nobody ever said anything negative to me.

[Anonymous]

OP, where do you live? It sounds like the people you are around are bitchy. I have an early reader and nobody accuses me of drilling her. Friends are nice about it and strangers are impressed and complimentary (and anyone with a negative reaction keeps it to themselves). DC was a very early talker and advanced verbal skills, so the reading wasn't a big surprise (I started reading at 3, too, so we must have some early reading gene. )

Did you show your child's ped that your child actually was reading? I would have been irritated at the doubtful dismissal and also at the lack of interest in an accurate assessment of where your child is at. You might like to find a new ped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ehh. I have an early reader. I know it means nothing in the long term, but yeah, I feel smugly proud about it. My kid is doing something cool. I bet you feel the same way, just be honest.

If your preschool teachers haven't noticed, but strangers in a waiting room (when you're present) have, you're almost definitely being show-boaty about it and having DC read out loud in public. If s/he was doing this on his or her own all the time, the teachers would definitely know.

People are reacting to YOU. Just face it. It'll stop soon enough when all their kids read too and it's nothing to notice. For now, just try saying something like "Yeah, I find this reading stuff really crazy. I never read early and s/he just gets it and it's neat." It'll make you look more human and less faux-blase.

Best answer right here. Also, learn to answer to take people's comments at face value. If someone says it doesn't mean anything and drilling young children is wrong, agree with them--because that is true! Don't read into why they made that comment. And if someone asks you if DC knows their ABCs a simple yes will suffice.

They best thing about early reading is (hopefully) an early love of reading and (hopefully) an early love of learning from books. Not a guarantee with a child who learns to read at 2 or 3. But I can tell you now, being a few years removed from the early reading thing, this is what really matters. Be happy about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ehh. I have an early reader. I know it means nothing in the long term, but yeah, I feel smugly proud about it. My kid is doing something cool. I bet you feel the same way, just be honest.

If your preschool teachers haven't noticed, but strangers in a waiting room (when you're present) have, you're almost definitely being show-boaty about it and having DC read out loud in public. If s/he was doing this on his or her own all the time, the teachers would definitely know.

People are reacting to YOU. Just face it. It'll stop soon enough when all their kids read too and it's nothing to notice. For now, just try saying something like "Yeah, I find this reading stuff really crazy. I never read early and s/he just gets it and it's neat." It'll make you look more human and less faux-blase.

+1. The problem is definitely you, OP. Not your poor kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I cannot imagine strangers making such comments. I have a very precocious child who was advanced in many ways including reading from a very young age. Many people commented but Not once did I hear anything that I would have considered snide. So like PPs, I agree that this seems so odd.

Me too, exactly. You must be doing something weird or giving off a weird vibe of some kind, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP,

It's wonderful that your child can read at 3! I'm envious

I want to insert something here: the parents who try their best to teach something to their child (with flashcards, practice, etc) are NEVER going to succeed if their child is not willing enough and capable enough. So if they child learns to read with that kind of treatment, it's still a wonderful achievement.
So I don't judge those parents, since at least they put in some effort and teamwork with their kid!

My son has ADHD, and I've stopped discussing it with friends, because I hear all too often how overdiagnosed it is and, presumably, how silly I am for believing he has a phantom syndrome!

Just live your life.

[Anonymous]

Agree with the general PP consensus.

Also think it's odd if the preschool teachers truly don't know. Ours figured it out day 1 when they saw DD reading a book. I think the (admittedly highly experienced and excellent) teacher could tell from her physical posture, got down close to her to observe and then asked us and we confirmed.

[Anonymous]

It's because there are so many highly educated, Type A people around here...for many of them (not all) they feel inadequate if they see other people's kids doing something that seems "advanced" to them compared to their own kids. We had early readers and people would not make mean comments but would often comment upon it in a way that made me uncomfortable ("your kid is a genius"! umm, no) or ask us what we did at home to make them read so early... (answer = nothing except read to them as most parents do). Some kids just pick up reading earlier than others (my mom tells me I was this way too and I am no genius either). And some parents have a hard time accepting that their own kid is not one of those kids and think it must be something that they failed to do as parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, where do you live? It sounds like the people you are around are bitchy. I have an early reader and nobody accuses me of drilling her.

perhaps OP is Asian?

[Anonymous]

Ah, it took two whole pages for someone to bring up THE ASIANS!