Advice needed: DS's girlfriend is a bad influence

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is an adult, responsible for his choices, which come with consequences. Tell him where you and your family stand and that you know that he is an adult and has to make his own decisions. Then let it go. You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink, so to speak. Some people learn the hard way but it's usually the only way they learn so as to not make the same mistakes again.

Ha ha ha ha ha, that's a good one.

Is this "adult" paying for his own college tuition? Does he feed, clothe and house himself? He pays for his own health insurance too, right?

While financial independence might be an important factor, I don't think it is wise to claim that the money is the key determinant of adulthood. By this logic, a stay-at-home parent who looks after the home and the family's children but does not have an income would not be considered an adult or have his/her choices respected.

OP, I understand your concerns, but I would try any number of other potential solutions before pulling the money card on your kid because (1) it could really backfire, and (2) it runs the risk of creating what I would consider an unhealthy attitude towards the relationship between money and power.

[Anonymous]

So far you've referred to "getting ass" and "pussy power." Sounds like a really classy household that you're running.


Yeah kinda weird for a parent to say about her/his kid's GF or women in general.

Agreed.

[Anonymous]

You're in the countdown to college. I'm not thrilled with my son's GF. He's the same age. She's not doing drugs. so there's no urgency on that count. I've shared my concerns with DS. I'm riding it out. (They're going to different colleges, far apart.) I'd be firm and clear with DS about drugs, risks, etc. I'd emphasize birth control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So far you've referred to "getting ass" and "pussy power." Sounds like a really classy household that you're running.

If I were you, I would start with examining my assumption that your son is in this relationship for sex. What does your assumption say about you, and what does it say about your opinion of your son?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So far you've referred to "getting ass" and "pussy power." Sounds like a really classy household that you're running.

so true

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So far you've referred to "getting ass" and "pussy power." Sounds like a really classy household that you're running.

If I were you, I would start with examining my assumption that your son is in this relationship for sex. What does your assumption say about you, and what does it say about your opinion of your son?

C'mon, he's about what, 17? He might actually think it's not about the sex but c'mon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So far you've referred to "getting ass" and "pussy power." Sounds like a really classy household that you're running.

I'm pretty grossed out by this myself and it makes me wonder if OP is a troll. If not, I don't see how OP can deal with this when she can't even talk about it without using ridiculous and gross euphemisms.

OP, you can't do anything. They'll break up when they go to college.

[Anonymous]

You're funding his college, OP??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're funding his college, OP??

This is the sort of thing parents of younger children post. "You're paying for college, by God, you have the last say." OK, lets play that out. OP says to DS "drop GF or no college tuition for you." DS says "OK, I'll just hang out with GF, maybe get a job, whatever." if you follow through, youthful poor judgment becomes a lifelong problem, or at least a problem that will take some time to turn around. Most likely you will cave because you don't want him to sabotage his future, in which case it was an empty threat to being with.

We don;t get to choose our children's partners. Repeat that three times. Ultimately, one day, they will be choosing a partner for life and they'd better have learned for themselves how to make such choices, which means making mistakes along the way. And you ultimately can't control this anyway. OP's DS will be at college and will be able to hang out with and sleep with whomever he wants and he won;t even have to tell you. But you can sure try to infantalize him by controlling this.

[Anonymous]

The GF has her hold, sexual or otherwise, in this young man. He doesn't want to continue the relationship but can't extricate himself. He may want to tell her that his parents threatened to defund college.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I apologize for the euphemisms pertaining to the girlfriend and her sexual availability, but as a PP said I don't have much respect for her at this point and am frustrated.
All I want out of this is that DS doesn't stray further from the path that will better lead him to a successful future. Something most parents can understand.
Deep breathing, deep breathing.....

[Anonymous]

How much respect do you have for your son at this point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much respect do you have for your son at this point?

Getting less every day....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much respect do you have for your son at this point?

Getting less every day....

Yet you seem to have more respect for him than for her. Your boy knows this, and that's your problem. How old is he? Where are they having sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him that he has to chose her or getting college paid for.

yeah, that will work out well.