Advice needed: DS's girlfriend is a bad influence

[Anonymous]

As far as the relationship, give it 6 months to fall apart. College changes everything and more than likely they won't make it past Thanksgiving.

As far as her being a bad influence, your son makes his own decisions and no matter what you do or do not do he will make the decision to do or not do drugs with her. Hopefully he has a good head on his shoulders and will make the right decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So far you've referred to "getting ass" and "pussy power." Sounds like a really classy household that you're running.

If I were you, I would start with examining my assumption that your son is in this relationship for sex. What does your assumption say about you, and what does it say about your opinion of your son?

But isn't it entirely possible that she is right in this assumption? I mean I've known grown men who stay with women they don't particularly want to be with anymore because of the reliable sex. Its not that crazy to assume that's a driving factor for an 18 year old, even if not the only factor.

If they are going to separate colleges they will probably fizzle out after 1 semester or so. Even if they are near each other, remember how insular college life was? I mean I went to college 25 miles away from my HS best friend and you would think we were flying cross country to visit each other once or twice a semester for the first 2-3 years. It wasn't until we were a little older (Junior-Senior year) that you start feeling like your world is bigger than your campus or college bars and would meet up just for lunch or something.

[Anonymous]

Is you son busy this summer with a summer job, internship, house responsibilities? If not, you need to get him doing something somehow. If there is a DH, is he involved in any of these conversations or an EXDH because maybe man-to-man might have some more relevance to your son (assuming Dad can put assume his role as Parent and not Friend). I think frustrated or not, it is good that you have a line of communication with your son and try to keep talking about the coming opportunity to meet new people etc. However, also important to note that if he can't make a decision on this GF based upon his own sense of values and interest, he may well find the next girl will be the same. You need to encourage him to learn to do what he as an adult considers most right in a relationship. If you either one of them will have a car at college, ending this relationship might be harder than yo think. Frustrating as it is, but keep talking and perhaps talk less about GF and more about helping him to find his own voice and move forward in this or any relationship. "Using" someone for anything is not a very good character trait and maybe talk to him from that angle. That he should think more of himself than that, and if he is really free, he will be more open to meeting someone he can truly care about in a non-sexual way, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is an adult, responsible for his choices, which come with consequences. Tell him where you and your family stand and that you know that he is an adult and has to make his own decisions. Then let it go. You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink, so to speak. Some people learn the hard way but it's usually the only way they learn so as to not make the same mistakes again.

Ha ha ha ha ha, that's a good one.

Is this "adult" paying for his own college tuition? Does he feed, clothe and house himself? He pays for his own health insurance too, right?

NP here. We can argue about whether he is an adult or not, but forbidding him (an older teen) from seeing her is a horrible idea. Right now, OP is in the loop with respect to info and stuff. If she "forbids" the relationship, they will just take it underground and she will lost the info flow. Better to "advise" and let him come to his own conclusion. IME with my own kids, once they go to college and both meet people, the realtionship will die on its own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So far you've referred to "getting ass" and "pussy power." Sounds like a really classy household that you're running.

If I were you, I would start with examining my assumption that your son is in this relationship for sex. What does your assumption say about you, and what does it say about your opinion of your son?

LOL!! We are talking about a 17 or 18YO!!! Pretty safe to assume that OP's DS considers the steady supply of sex a "pro" in their relationship.

[Anonymous]

Kids hang around kids who are in to the same things. Your son is doing the same things she is and it's not the girlfriend fault he is doing it. It is his choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So far you've referred to "getting ass" and "pussy power." Sounds like a really classy household that you're running.

If I were you, I would start with examining my assumption that your son is in this relationship for sex. What does your assumption say about you, and what does it say about your opinion of your son?

LOL!! We are talking about a 17 or 18YO!!! Pretty safe to assume that OP's DS considers the steady supply of sex a "pro" in their relationship.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is an adult, responsible for his choices, which come with consequences. Tell him where you and your family stand and that you know that he is an adult and has to make his own decisions. Then let it go. You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink, so to speak. Some people learn the hard way but it's usually the only way they learn so as to not make the same mistakes again.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So far you've referred to "getting ass" and "pussy power." Sounds like a really classy household that you're running.

I noticed that too. OP is disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much respect do you have for your son at this point?

Getting less every day....

Yet you seem to have more respect for him than for her. Your boy knows this, and that's your problem. How old is he? Where are they having sex?

+1
Double standard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Is you son busy this summer with a summer job, internship, house responsibilities? If not, you need to get him doing something somehow. If there is a DH, is he involved in any of these conversations or an EXDH because maybe man-to-man might have some more relevance to your son (assuming Dad can put assume his role as Parent and not Friend). I think frustrated or not, it is good that you have a line of communication with your son and try to keep talking about the coming opportunity to meet new people etc. However, also important to note that if he can't make a decision on this GF based upon his own sense of values and interest, he may well find the next girl will be the same. You need to encourage him to learn to do what he as an adult considers most right in a relationship. If you either one of them will have a car at college, ending this relationship might be harder than yo think. Frustrating as it is, but keep talking and perhaps talk less about GF and more about helping him to find his own voice and move forward in this or any relationship. "Using" someone for anything is not a very good character trait and maybe talk to him from that angle. That he should think more of himself than that, and if he is really free, he will be more open to meeting someone he can truly care about in a non-sexual way, too.

Good points and suggestions. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Still waiting for OP to answer about how she knew about the Adderall party. I suspect she's snooping.

And yeah, the comments about her sexual "availability" are sad and gross. She's someone's daughter.

[Anonymous]

OP, couple years down the road, your poor DIL will be posting here non-stop