Advice needed: DS's girlfriend is a bad influence

[Anonymous]

Not going into too much detail, but she's a druggie (documentable). Runs with a wild crowd. DS's communications with her reflect that he isn't on board with all of this, but he has admitted to trying pot. I have never seen, smelled anything on him. He is definitely getting ass from her, so there's the motivation to continue the relationship I think (she's on pill, they use condoms, supposedly). He "loves" her, but admits he's not that thrilled that they will be geographically close at different colleges next month, and expects that the relationship (his first) will continue.

Any advice for me? He's technically an adult, but very immature. I think he probably sees the negative influence pretty clearly, but not sure he has it in him to end things if he is ever leaning that way. He's very much into status quo stuff and doesn't like to rock the boat. Other than asking him where he sees this relationship going, and if he thinks it's a good thing for him, what else can I say to him?

[Anonymous]

Tell him that he has to chose her or getting college paid for.

[Anonymous]

What drugs is she doing? Just pot or something else?

[Anonymous]

It will not last if they are at different colleges.

If my adult child was not actually breaking the law or causing harm to himself or others I can't imagine trying to dictate who he dates by cutting off support.

[Anonymous]

He is an adult, responsible for his choices, which come with consequences. Tell him where you and your family stand and that you know that he is an adult and has to make his own decisions. Then let it go. You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink, so to speak. Some people learn the hard way but it's usually the only way they learn so as to not make the same mistakes again.

[Anonymous]

I'm just worried that you will become the grandparent to a drug-addicted newborn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him that he has to chose her or getting college paid for.

Bad idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm just worried that you will become the grandparent to a drug-addicted newborn.

OP here. Yes, I agree. I know she was with people snorting Adderall last night. DS was at home with us for a change. Ugh. Honestly, I think he knows she's bad news, but maybe it's pussy power or something that has a hold of him.

[Anonymous]

Have you offered him a list of natural consequences for things like:
getting stopped by the police while driving with her if she is carrying drugs
getting caught by his RA if she brings drugs into his dorm room
getting her pregnant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm just worried that you will become the grandparent to a drug-addicted newborn.

OP here. Yes, I agree. I know she was with people snorting Adderall last night. DS was at home with us for a change. Ugh. Honestly, I think he knows she's bad news, but maybe it's pussy power or something that has a hold of him.

So sorry, OP! I used to work in public health. In WV, we saw newborns born addicted to Adderall and they behaved the same as the babies addicted to meth-amphetamines.

This is one reason why we need a better male contraceptive. I wish there was a 5 year shot for boys and young men.

[Anonymous]

So far you've referred to "getting ass" and "pussy power." Sounds like a really classy household that you're running.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So far you've referred to "getting ass" and "pussy power." Sounds like a really classy household that you're running.

Yeah kinda weird for a parent to say about her/his kid's GF or women in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So far you've referred to "getting ass" and "pussy power." Sounds like a really classy household that you're running.

Yeah kinda weird for a parent to say about her/his kid's GF or women in general.

I think OP doesn't respect the GF. He or she shouldn't refer to the GF that way, but I get the frustration. I've often suspected that friends of mine put up with crap from their men because they're getting a good dicking.

[Anonymous]

How do you know she was snorting adderall? Did he tell you or did you read it on his phone texts?

If the former, I'd say he is definitely looking for a way to get out of this relationship. Otherwise, why tell you?

If it's the latter, you are driving yourself crazy looking for ways to convince yourself this girl is bad news. Better to tell him you know the GF is using drugs and he may not use while he is in you house. Tell him you are instituting weekly drug tests with consequences.for a positive result as long as he is seeing her.

Agree with PP your references to GF's interaction with your DS are very crude. I really hope you are not using terms like that in front of DS--would tend to drive him further into her arms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is an adult, responsible for his choices, which come with consequences. Tell him where you and your family stand and that you know that he is an adult and has to make his own decisions. Then let it go. You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink, so to speak. Some people learn the hard way but it's usually the only way they learn so as to not make the same mistakes again.

Ha ha ha ha ha, that's a good one.

Is this "adult" paying for his own college tuition? Does he feed, clothe and house himself? He pays for his own health insurance too, right?