Stepdaughter wants a nose job

[Anonymous]

18 is legal adult but not psychological adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my stepdaughter lives with DH and I. And truly this plastic surgeon is one of the best in the country and he will not give her the "nose-job nose". He is also very expensive and hard to get an appointment with. Just luck that my sister is his wife's oldest and best friend.

It sounds like this is more about you than her. You enjoy throwing around your money and connections. She is 18. I would wait at least several more years. Her looks can change drastically over the next few years. Agree with mom and tell her she is pretty just the way she is.

Oh, stop projecting your insecurities, PP. OP explained the situation and answered questions asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,
You do understand that you are rushing this -- why the rush? When did the mother first get news of this possibility? Also, is the daughter psychologically prepared? There are psychological considerations, some patients think plastic surgery will transform them beyond what is possible. She's really been through the wringer. Maybe wait, and do the nose job when she transfers to college from community college? We don't know how bad her nose is. Maybe not so bad?

Stepdaughter has been talking about his with her therapist for nearly a year and her therapist backs up stepdaughter's wishes. She has researched the surgery extensively and knows what she is in for. The only thing fast about this is when she asked DH and I, told her mother and when she wanted it done. She is prepared but we clearly aren't.

[Anonymous]

Do it for her, OP. I had a very wide and large nose growing up and it did have a profound effect on my self-esteem. I waited until I was 25 to get a nose-job and could kick myself for not having it done in high school. Out of all the plastic surgeries performed, this one has the highest approval rating ten years after surgery by the patients.

[Anonymous]

Your stepdaughter has been discussing this with her therapist for a while now and the therapist is supporting her - do it, OP. She is ready.

The mother is being controlling and probably still angry that the stepdaughter went so out of control on her watch. And having her ex marry a woman with money doesn't help her disposition any either. If the bitch mother gets too vindictive with the youngest stepdaughter, DH could take her back to court.

[Anonymous]

18 is too young in my opinion. Though if she actually does have a horrible nose and not just a pronounced one, I'd support her if she pays for it only.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:18 is too young in my opinion. Though if she actually does have a horrible nose and not just a pronounced one, I'd support her if she pays for it only.

All the girls I knew who got nose jobs got them in high school. 18 is old for a nose job.

[Anonymous]

Yes, risk the "wrath" of the mother to help the daughter. And the daughter deserves this after turning her life around which could not have been easy.


All the daughter is really doing is asking you and her father to foot the bill. She already made her decision. Respect that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:18 is too young in my opinion. Though if she actually does have a horrible nose and not just a pronounced one, I'd support her if she pays for it only.

Sorry--just don't get this PP and others. An unfortunate nose can be as emotionally difficult for a teenager as bad skin. Would these PPs be saying just let the girl get a job and buy skin products at the CVS or use the family soap? Is it because insurance pays for dermatology and not plastic surgery, making the latter more out of reach? If finances were a problem, I'd get the plastic surgery and skimp on something else--a child's emotional health is too important.

[Anonymous]

I got mine winter break of senior year of high school. There were several of us who had it done (I went to large high school in Chicago suburbs). I had always been self conscious about my nose and my profile and the nose job eliminated that. It doesn't look like a "perfect" nose -- it just looks like a nose that fits my face. But in the process my self-esteem improved dramatically. Fwiw, my father was completely against the procedure and thought I looked great as I was. My mother, however (who had a nose similar to mine but with a slightly better profile) said that she had always wanted a nose job when she was my age but her father opposed. Since my mother was literally dying of cancer, my father relented and let me have the surgery. Bottom line: let her get it done before she goes to community college and hopefully the mother will come around when she sees how much it means to the daughter.

[Anonymous]

My vote is to pay for it too. I think it's great the way she changed her own life and this could be a real symbolic step in solidifying the changes in her life.

The first wife just hates you because you have money and a good relationship with her daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, risk the "wrath" of the mother to help the daughter. And the daughter deserves this after turning her life around which could not have been easy.


All the daughter is really doing is asking you and her father to foot the bill. She already made her decision. Respect that.

I agree - the SD made her decision and is an adult. Pay for the surgery and take her to see the good surgeon. Support her financially and emotionally in her new life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:18 is too young in my opinion. Though if she actually does have a horrible nose and not just a pronounced one, I'd support her if she pays for it only.

Sorry--just don't get this PP and others. An unfortunate nose can be as emotionally difficult for a teenager as bad skin. Would these PPs be saying just let the girl get a job and buy skin products at the CVS or use the family soap? Is it because insurance pays for dermatology and not plastic surgery, making the latter more out of reach? If finances were a problem, I'd get the plastic surgery and skimp on something else--a child's emotional health is too important.

+1

My daughter had treatment resistant acne that resulted in severe self esteem issues that I know were a factor in her drug use. We finally found something that works; she is much happier with herself and off drugs.

I do not think it's far fetched to believe that image problems because of OP's SD's nose were in part behind the behavior problems she has done such a good job overcoming. Fixing her nose is part of a solid relapse prevention program.

[Anonymous]

Set up a meeting with your step daughter, the father and her therapist. Ask the therapist her honest opinion . Do whatever is decided in that meeting.

[Anonymous]

I got my nose done in high school the summer between junior and senior year. It was hands down one of the best decisions I ever made and I am so happy and thankful my parents both allowed me to do it and paid for it.
People who have never had a nose job have no clue how great it is. Think about the one thing that has always given you sorrow and insecurities about on you body and then think what you would do if in one afternoon it could be fixed forever (course the swelling and stuff lasts way more than an afternoon but you get my drift) wouldn't you do it?