Friend hurt my feelings....am I bring overly sensitive?

[Anonymous]

I am going to disagree with some. I do not think she is being overly sensitive, I think many would react this way but most would not admit it. I am an example. I would never admit it hurts my feelings and would say "sure, go ahead" but deep down I would feel excluded especially if I am the one that connected them.

The you look tired comment is an age old way of wanting to diss someone in a backhanded kind of way. I remember when I was younger and more immature saying it to someone when I really wanted to assault them with a more negative remark, this was a "safe" way of doing that. OP to turn this around is there a reason maybe SHE was trying to make you feel less than ,it seems like a double blow to me and maybe speaks to her wanting to hurt you somehow?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi its OP here....OK first things first, to ME telling someone they look tired is rude. I always feel if you don't have something nice, positive or uplifting to say then dont' say it. It is rude because simply it implies the person does not look good. The irony here is that I was more decked out than usual and just to make my point a few people at this function actually went out of their way to tell me how good i looked so to hear that kind of threw me.

The lunch- these two are not friends, they are each my friend and know each other through me. I personally would not reach out to a friends friend and seek out a get together without including my mutual friend but that might just be me. I think its rude, wouldn't have given it a second thought if they were friends too but the only way they know each other is through me.

I am not claiming to not be sensitive, and own that but do not consider myself one to overreact.

Wow. You sound unhinged and high-maintenance. And deeply suspicious of other people's motives.

[Anonymous]

I think its reasonable that you feel hurt. I just wouldn't express it, it will make you seem overly sensitive and too fragile. But does not make it right, and I think it's "friend code" to automatically include the person who connected you in the first place.

I have always found "you look tired" to be extremely rude. The truth is if that person really does look tired, chances are she knows it and doesn't need to hear it from an outsider.
Your friend sounds a little abrasive.

[Anonymous]

You look tired is not nice. Period.

[Anonymous]

OP: I think your friend is rude in general. Like a blithering idiot. First she says you look tired, which is one of those remarks that could go either way -- like if you had been very sick she could say that to mean "do you want to talk about it --vent? Or not?" Otherwise not a great thing to say. Then she brings up that she and two of her/ your friends are getting together for lunch and throws in "are you OK?" like you are in grade school. An adult would not have mentioned the get together. Then she lamely asks you to come, knowing full well that you would never say yes under those circumstances. Now that I wrote this all out she is either so clueless that I would question having her as a friend, or really just a hurtful b***H.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact that she felt like she had to ask your permission to meet up with another friend indicates you are probably prone to overreacting

Why bring it up in the first place?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact that she felt like she had to ask your permission to meet up with another friend indicates you are probably prone to overreacting

Didn't you posters learn in the sandbox... don't mention a party to someone who is not invited? Or just no manners?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am going to disagree with some. I do not think she is being overly sensitive, I think many would react this way but most would not admit it. I am an example. I would never admit it hurts my feelings and would say "sure, go ahead" but deep down I would feel excluded especially if I am the one that connected them.

The you look tired comment is an age old way of wanting to diss someone in a backhanded kind of way. I remember when I was younger and more immature saying it to someone when I really wanted to assault them with a more negative remark, this was a "safe" way of doing that. OP to turn this around is there a reason maybe SHE was trying to make you feel less than ,it seems like a double blow to me and maybe speaks to her wanting to hurt you somehow?

I agree. What matters is not what she said but the intent and the affect. "Wow, she looks great -- I'll tell her she looks bad in my eyes." I already posted that some people have a way of doing this, no matter what it is they are actually saying. Do you feel this way regularly with her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going to disagree with some. I do not think she is being overly sensitive, I think many would react this way but most would not admit it. I am an example. I would never admit it hurts my feelings and would say "sure, go ahead" but deep down I would feel excluded especially if I am the one that connected them.

The you look tired comment is an age old way of wanting to diss someone in a backhanded kind of way. I remember when I was younger and more immature saying it to someone when I really wanted to assault them with a more negative remark, this was a "safe" way of doing that. OP to turn this around is there a reason maybe SHE was trying to make you feel less than ,it seems like a double blow to me and maybe speaks to her wanting to hurt you somehow?

I agree. What matters is not what she said but the intent and the affect. "Wow, she looks great -- I'll tell her she looks bad in my eyes." I already posted that some people have a way of doing this, no matter what it is they are actually saying. Do you feel this way regularly with her?

PP here again. Plus, adding the "is that okay?" about going out to lunch with the other friend is clearly suggesting OP will not be okay with it. Personally, I think it's fine that they get together without OP, but If this "friend" thought it was harmless she would not have asked that. Clearly a dig at OP's feelings. Stay away from her.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi its OP here....OK first things first, to ME telling someone they look tired is rude. I always feel if you don't have something nice, positive or uplifting to say then dont' say it. It is rude because simply it implies the person does not look good. The irony here is that I was more decked out than usual and just to make my point a few people at this function actually went out of their way to tell me how good i looked so to hear that kind of threw me.

The lunch- these two are not friends, they are each my friend and know each other through me. I personally would not reach out to a friends friend and seek out a get together without including my mutual friend but that might just be me. I think its rude, wouldn't have given it a second thought if they were friends too but the only way they know each other is through me.

I am not claiming to not be sensitive, and own that but do not consider myself one to overreact.

When I feel tired, and look like shit ,the last thing I want is my friend to tell me I look amazing. I'd rather have them be clued into how I'm actually doing. I'm not easily offended, but reading these boards I do wonder how often people are offended by both what I say and don't say. The other day I told a mom that she looked very pretty. She did. Her hair was done and she was wearing a dress that looked lovely on her. It doesn't mean that she looks like shit other days. But should I not have said anything? I have the best of intentions, and so I have to trust that people will know that and not analyze or assume beyond that. Were you tired that day OP?

[Anonymous]

OP, I think the other posters are being pretty mean. I was just thinking... last summer I posted something similar, and got similar mean remarks back. My feelings were hurt, and I was so upset that I posted here. Although we did "make up" it was a turning point in our relationship. She was very jealous of me. Other things going on, so on so on. But she felt free to take it out on me -- just like you with the digs, and in the long run, that friendship is on the back burner now. So maybe this friend, is not much of a friend right now.

[Anonymous]

As a woman, this thread makes me sad for women. The fact that women are using "you look tired" as some sort of bitchy code makes me sad. Sometimes people do look tired, and it makes you worry for them, and I think that friends ask about stuff like that instead of just pretending that everything is ok. Just like if you think someone looks great, you tell them.

A guy telling another guy he looked tired would be seen as a non-dick thing to say. Why the hell are we so weird and touchy and insecure about perfectly innocuous things??

[Anonymous]

Op sounds most definitely unhinged. If a friend cannot tell you that you look tired and express concern, then you do not need friends. Friends are there to tell you the truth and to be there for you, not to be your -one woman praise team.
OP sounds crazy as hell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op sounds most definitely unhinged. If a friend cannot tell you that you look tired and express concern, then you do not need friends. Friends are there to tell you the truth and to be there for you, not to be your -one woman praise team.
OP sounds crazy as hell.

+1. For heavens sake, OP. I once had a friend tell me point blank that I looked sick and you know what... I was! Get over it. Perhaps she was being honest and expressing concern.