Friend hurt my feelings....am I bring overly sensitive?

[Anonymous]

I can't decide if I am justified or overreacting- spoke to a good friend on the phone after we bumped into each other last night- one of the first things she said was that " I looked so tired-"isn't that rude? Who says that? How do you respond to that ?
Then in the same breath she tells me one of my other very good friends asked her to lunch then says " are you ok if we go" but quickly adds "do you want to come"? It was to me, an afterthought.
So.....I got off the phone feeling hurt and deflated. What do you thinjk?

[Anonymous]

Some people just make you feel bad and suck the life out of you. It almost doesn't matter what she actually said. If you feel this way often, it's worth making a mental note of.

[Anonymous]

I would not have been offended at all, but then I am rarely offended by anything.

What strikes me is that she asked you "Are you OK if we go". Why would 2 friends need approval from you to go to lunch, regardless of whether or not you are invited?

Her words were not rude, but her attitude seems to indicate too much concern, as if she expects you to take things the wrong way.

[Anonymous]

I think you are overreacting and a bit self-involved.

[Anonymous]

I've never understood why "you look tired" is rude. For me, it comes off as concerned. sometimes when you see someone who genuinely looks tired, who has bags under their eyes and looks more gaunt than usual, "you look tired - are you ok?" should be a perfectly valid thing to say. I think the people who think it's rude are insecure people who think "you look tired" is code for "you look old."

the "are you ok if we go" is weird, but people should be allowed to do stuff with friends without feeling pressure to invite everyone else they know. sometimes you just want to grab lunch with one person, not 2 or 3.

[Anonymous]

I think you mean that your friend said "You looked so tired," and it may not have been meant rudely. Maybe they were concerned you are overextending yourself?

Regarding the pseudo invite, I would have felt like it was an afterthought as well, and would not have attended.

[Anonymous]

The fact that she felt like she had to ask your permission to meet up with another friend indicates you are probably prone to overreacting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact that she felt like she had to ask your permission to meet up with another friend indicates you are probably prone to overreacting

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact that she felt like she had to ask your permission to meet up with another friend indicates you are probably prone to overreacting

I was wondering this as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact that she felt like she had to ask your permission to meet up with another friend indicates you are probably prone to overreacting

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that she felt like she had to ask your permission to meet up with another friend indicates you are probably prone to overreacting

+1

Yep. She mentioned that you looked tired recently because she was worried about you. You were offended and proceeded to be tense and snippy for the rest of the call. She mentioned that she had these plans, then couldn't tell if you were pissed about them hanging out without you or if you were just being generally pissy, so she tried to backpeddle and invite you.

[Anonymous]

You make people walk on eggshells. You are paranoid.

The fact that someone mentioning you look tired sets you off into a tirade...your poor friends have to ask your permission to go to lunch together.

Sensitivity becomes a form of tyranny after a while.

[Anonymous]

Hi its OP here....OK first things first, to ME telling someone they look tired is rude. I always feel if you don't have something nice, positive or uplifting to say then dont' say it. It is rude because simply it implies the person does not look good. The irony here is that I was more decked out than usual and just to make my point a few people at this function actually went out of their way to tell me how good i looked so to hear that kind of threw me.

The lunch- these two are not friends, they are each my friend and know each other through me. I personally would not reach out to a friends friend and seek out a get together without including my mutual friend but that might just be me. I think its rude, wouldn't have given it a second thought if they were friends too but the only way they know each other is through me.

I am not claiming to not be sensitive, and own that but do not consider myself one to overreact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi its OP here....OK first things first, to ME telling someone they look tired is rude. I always feel if you don't have something nice, positive or uplifting to say then dont' say it. It is rude because simply it implies the person does not look good. The irony here is that I was more decked out than usual and just to make my point a few people at this function actually went out of their way to tell me how good i looked so to hear that kind of threw me.

The lunch- these two are not friends, they are each my friend and know each other through me. I personally would not reach out to a friends friend and seek out a get together without including my mutual friend but that might just be me. I think its rude, wouldn't have given it a second thought if they were friends too but the only way they know each other is through me.

I am not claiming to not be sensitive, and own that but do not consider myself one to overreact.

Are you 14? Two people can go out to lunch and they do not have to invite you simply because you are the person that connected them.
News flash: you are overly sensitive which causes you to overreact.

[Anonymous]

You sound tired. And maybe depresses.
Be nice to your friends or they are going to stop calling.