Wanting to go back to work after 10 years...

[Anonymous]

Why would you work, this is idiotic

[Anonymous]

Good for you, OP. I agree with the PPs who have said to look for something part time or more flexible. You have credentials and income, you can afford to be choosy and not take an inflexible entry-level job! good luck in finding something a bit more flexible.

[Anonymous]

Enjoy the opportunity to take care and raise your kids. good God, that would be more exciting than working a crappy entry level admin job. Sounds like s terrible career path. Maybe later open a home business or have dh get you a job at his company.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was a mutual decision to quit my job when DC#1 was born.

He says that since our HHI is > $1M a year, there's no reason for me to work. He just doesn't understand my desire to do something for myself after 10 years of focusing on children.

You're not being ridiculous, but you are being a little unreasonable.

First of all: there are MANY ways in which one can go about doing something for themselves. You aren't looking for a career. You're looking to get out of the house.

You state that you made a "mutual decision" but then you go on about how your husband isn't putting in his share. If you truly made a mutual decision, he may have been under the impression that you were on board and where you are now is just as much your fault as it is his fault. He doesn't now owe you some backtrack because he didn't do you a favor "allowing" you to stay home. It's what you also wanted. Now that your kids are older you view him as doing what he wanted, and you sacrificing your career, but really you made a CHOICE to stay home because that's what you wanted at the time. You can't just expect that now he is fine with you going back to work when he is pulling in an ENORMOUS income. If he's built this type of career, I can assure you as other posters have, he can't just "Daddy track" now. I am not sure you really understand after 10 years out what is involved in having and keeping a career moving. You might not want to outsource because youre children rely on you for Parental support, which outsourcing will not provide. You can't send a Nanny in your place for "Parents Day" at school.

You have to decide what you want your life to look like and build your workplace off of that. All good working Moms do that. The partnership in my home is more equal than what you describe, but we made the mutual decision that I would work. My husband makes maybe 1/10th of what yours does. Working is not my hobby. You're in an enviable position, which is why so many posters are getting snippy with you. But it doesn't make your situation any less frustrating from your seat.

I will tell you that every Mom I know with any sort of teaching background is looking to work as a paraeducator ora substitute. I have no idea what the market is for that type of thing, but I can see it quickly saturating. I like that you're looking for entry level admin jobs, because it shows that you don't expect to just walk in and work asif you'd never left, but you're going to have a hard time getting in that way. Volunteering can help you because you'll show you are willing to work and you can get some emotional satisfaction while you build work experience. There is more than one way to go about doing something. You'll figure something out. But don't make your husband the person you blame. This was a joint decision and its not worth ruining your marraige over.

[Anonymous]

My daughter's school (FCPS) has instructional assistants who are paid hourly and seem to work the school day hours. What about working at your dc's school? Maybe they even have a part time admin job in the office, who knows?

[Anonymous]

I really don't think you can ask your DH to do this. It's not just that his ego and pride are invested in his job and his job/workplace doesn't have a "daddy track option" and he doesn't want to do it anyway even if they did: you guys made a bargain (he'd make the money, you'd be the "mommy") and he's essentially asking you to stick to that bargain until DC#2 is in second grade. You don't like your bargain anymore--your friends moved away, you've run your marathons, etc.--but you probably liked it for most of those 10 years and he doesn't understand why you cherry-picked the best part of the bargain and now want to reneg. He may also wonder why you'd break the bargain for such a sh*tty job.

I'd stick to the bargain, which got you a lot of great stuff, but explain to him that it's going to sunset when DC#2 is in 2nd grade.

So what to do in the meanwhile? Why not pursue part time work that allows you to fulfill the bargain you made? Or a graduate degree?

[Anonymous]

I would either start my own business (think of a hobby you like and make a business out of it) or go back to graduate school to pursue a career that you could do part-time on your own schedule. Like becoming a licensed professional counselor or something. You can have your own part-time practice. It does not pay a ton as a career, but you don't need the money and you would be helping people.

I would not work a full-time job in your situation. I really don't think it will give you fulfillment you desire. I think you need to look at work in a different light. You have the opportunity to take the time to do meaningful work on a part-time basis because you don't NEED a full time job. Your DH is right...all your earnings would basically be going to the tax man...so find something you want to do for yourself and do that. Being an administrative assistant is not going to give you a sense of meaning and it is just going to put more $ in Uncle Sam's pocket. Also, I would not ask DH to adjust his role...he is making all of that money. You have to be financial equals (or almost) for him to make that kind of sacrifice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would either start my own business (think of a hobby you like and make a business out of it) or go back to graduate school to pursue a career that you could do part-time on your own schedule. Like becoming a licensed professional counselor or something. You can have your own part-time practice. It does not pay a ton as a career, but you don't need the money and you would be helping people.

I would not work a full-time job in your situation. I really don't think it will give you fulfillment you desire. I think you need to look at work in a different light. You have the opportunity to take the time to do meaningful work on a part-time basis because you don't NEED a full time job. Your DH is right...all your earnings would basically be going to the tax man...so find something you want to do for yourself and do that. Being an administrative assistant is not going to give you a sense of meaning and it is just going to put more $ in Uncle Sam's pocket. Also, I would not ask DH to adjust his role...he is making all of that money. You have to be financial equals (or almost) for him to make that kind of sacrifice.

This would be what I'd do in your shoes.

[Anonymous]

With a high income like that, you have many options. You could open a franchise - salon, pizza, bookstore, dog groomers, whatever you are into. You could start an Etsy store with homemade stuff.

[Anonymous]

I don't think a business that would have any chance at being successful would be a part-time Mommy job. If you want to do that for fun, fine, but you should work the cost of the business as a loss into your planning until it appears it may work otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would either start my own business (think of a hobby you like and make a business out of it) or go back to graduate school to pursue a career that you could do part-time on your own schedule. Like becoming a licensed professional counselor or something. You can have your own part-time practice. It does not pay a ton as a career, but you don't need the money and you would be helping people.

I would not work a full-time job in your situation. I really don't think it will give you fulfillment you desire. I think you need to look at work in a different light. You have the opportunity to take the time to do meaningful work on a part-time basis because you don't NEED a full time job. Your DH is right...all your earnings would basically be going to the tax man...so find something you want to do for yourself and do that. Being an administrative assistant is not going to give you a sense of meaning and it is just going to put more $ in Uncle Sam's pocket. Also, I would not ask DH to adjust his role...he is making all of that money. You have to be financial equals (or almost) for him to make that kind of sacrifice.

This would be what I'd do in your shoes.

+1

[Anonymous]

At the risk of being rude, it kind of makes me mad that when there are so few "unskilled" jobs like these to go around for the people who truly need them, someone with a HHI of $1M is taking one to avoid being bored.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was a mutual decision to quit my job when DC#1 was born.

He says that since our HHI is > $1M a year, there's no reason for me to work. He just doesn't understand my desire to do something for myself after 10 years of focusing on children.

You're not being ridiculous, but you are being a little unreasonable.

First of all: there are MANY ways in which one can go about doing something for themselves. You aren't looking for a career. You're looking to get out of the house.

You state that you made a "mutual decision" but then you go on about how your husband isn't putting in his share. If you truly made a mutual decision, he may have been under the impression that you were on board and where you are now is just as much your fault as it is his fault. He doesn't now owe you some backtrack because he didn't do you a favor "allowing" you to stay home. It's what you also wanted. Now that your kids are older you view him as doing what he wanted, and you sacrificing your career, but really you made a CHOICE to stay home because that's what you wanted at the time. You can't just expect that now he is fine with you going back to work when he is pulling in an ENORMOUS income. If he's built this type of career, I can assure you as other posters have, he can't just "Daddy track" now. I am not sure you really understand after 10 years out what is involved in having and keeping a career moving. You might not want to outsource because youre children rely on you for Parental support, which outsourcing will not provide. You can't send a Nanny in your place for "Parents Day" at school.

You have to decide what you want your life to look like and build your workplace off of that. All good working Moms do that. The partnership in my home is more equal than what you describe, but we made the mutual decision that I would work. My husband makes maybe 1/10th of what yours does. Working is not my hobby. You're in an enviable position, which is why so many posters are getting snippy with you. But it doesn't make your situation any less frustrating from your seat.

I will tell you that every Mom I know with any sort of teaching background is looking to work as a paraeducator ora substitute. I have no idea what the market is for that type of thing, but I can see it quickly saturating. I like that you're looking for entry level admin jobs, because it shows that you don't expect to just walk in and work asif you'd never left, but you're going to have a hard time getting in that way. Volunteering can help you because you'll show you are willing to work and you can get some emotional satisfaction while you build work experience. There is more than one way to go about doing something. You'll figure something out. But don't make your husband the person you blame. This was a joint decision and its not worth ruining your marraige over.

You can't change your mind after 10 years? Jeez. Word to potential SAHMs--apparently if you decide to stay home when your kids are little, you are giving up your right to renegotiate at any point in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At the risk of being rude, it kind of makes me mad that when there are so few "unskilled" jobs like these to go around for the people who truly need them, someone with a HHI of $1M is taking one to avoid being bored.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't change your mind after 10 years? Jeez. Word to potential SAHMs--apparently if you decide to stay home when your kids are little, you are giving up your right to renegotiate at any point in the future.

No, you can't just change your mind after 10 years and expect him (or anyone) to just deal with it. That's the choices we make. Of COURSE you can change your mind. But you need to come up with something better to support your decision and you need to be realistic that you can't just expect your husband to all of a sudden change the course of his life and still be happily married.

Yes, word to SAHMs: are you are giving things up if you choose to stay home. 10 years of work experience being the most obvious. But, additionally, you build a marraige around a certain set of agreed-upon parameters. Your husband should be in it with you, and he should be helping you make a decision that will make you happy. But that doesn't include "I *sacrificed* my career for our children!" and then blaming your husband over a "mutual decision". That's not going to get you anywhere. That argument just doesn't work. Now you need to come to a mutual agreement with your husband AGAIN. Marraige is like a contract. Hopefully you are in a partnership and you are able to re-negotiate. Sorry if that's not romantic.