It really bothers me that we have no local family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Make good friends who will become your new family.

There, that's tough love from someone who has been there, done that. Our families are in Europe.

You will find plenty of people in this cosmopolitan area who have family abroad, like us, and no one in this country, let alone local! You will also find people with family nearby but with serious issues.

OP here. I would love to find friends who are like family. In the hopes of doing so I started a playgroup of moms I didn't know to try to meet new moms, as I could not find any. Hopefully over the years some of these women will become great friends. But that takes years. And the funny thing is every single one of them is from this area and has family here. So it's hard to find people to do things with last minute if I'm feeling lonely and we have no one to celebrate holidays with which sucks.

We live in the suburbs, and I rarely come across transplants to the area like us.

Someone mentioned back up care--what exactly is that and how do I find it? I'm a FTM and don't really know what that is.

You sound needy OP. And a but inward focused too. Friendships are two way and not just there for when you are lonely. With how busy people are "last minute" is often not possible for people even if they were your friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Make good friends who will become your new family.

There, that's tough love from someone who has been there, done that. Our families are in Europe.

You will find plenty of people in this cosmopolitan area who have family abroad, like us, and no one in this country, let alone local! You will also find people with family nearby but with serious issues.

OP here. I would love to find friends who are like family. In the hopes of doing so I started a playgroup of moms I didn't know to try to meet new moms, as I could not find any. Hopefully over the years some of these women will become great friends. But that takes years. And the funny thing is every single one of them is from this area and has family here. So it's hard to find people to do things with last minute if I'm feeling lonely and we have no one to celebrate holidays with which sucks.

We live in the suburbs, and I rarely come across transplants to the area like us.

Someone mentioned back up care--what exactly is that and how do I find it? I'm a FTM and don't really know what that is.

You sound needy OP. And a but inward focused too. Friendships are two way and not just there for when you are lonely. With how busy people are "last minute" is often not possible for people even if they were your friends.

OP here. I'm needy because we have no one here and my husband works 70 hour weeks. I am often lonely. I go to meetups and mom's night outs at least once-twice a week but it can be hard to connect with others at these events. My husband is working this weekend and I'll be taking my child out to the park or wherever but I'd love to have a friend who is available for casual meetups so we can go together. But all my friends are busy with their families and extended families on the weekends, unless I make plans with them many weeks to months in advance.

[Anonymous]

If you have been here six years and have no friends and can't find a babysitter then the fault is with you not in u your stars. Your parents do not need your permission or blessing to move. You have no friends because nobody likes people who wallow in self pity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I think you're being ridiculous to be angry at your parents for moving somewhere that's better for them. You are a grown woman. They're REALLY supposed to live their life for you? Get real. Put on your big girl panties, take your kid for walks, smile at neighbors and strangers with kids who look within six months of yours in either direction and make some damn friends. But don't be a martyr about it.

OP here. I guess when every other older adult I hear about has moved to an area "to be closer to the kids and grandkids" it makes me feel envious. All my parents new friends who they've made in California all "moved there to be closer to the kids and grandkids." I know that makes my parents feel awkward because they did the opposite--move as far away as possible from their kids. It's certainly the case with much of my extended family. But it just makes me feel like a mediocre daughter that my parents have no interest in doing that--and I feel bad for my child who won't grow up with loving grandparents around.

My in-laws did the same thing. Moved further away and with no airport access (very rural). The cherry on top was that they moved closer to the new husband's family (step-parent).

I accept that no one moves here because it's so damn expensive. If I can't own a home how can I expect a new-retirement couple to move here?

Why can't you move OP?

[Anonymous]

I think expats have an easier time making family like friends. World bank and IMF families seem to have super close family friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have been here six years and have no friends and can't find a babysitter then the fault is with you not in u your stars. Your parents do not need your permission or blessing to move. You have no friends because nobody likes people who wallow in self pity.

OMG back off (not OP here).

I can relate to OP, and I'm a native but my family moved away. It's hard to have little ones when your work is grueling and you have ZERO family support. I'm a lawyer, but DH works the most hours (75/week, Mon-Sat). So in addition to being a lawyer, I have to do all the drop offs, pick ups, dr appointments (about 1-3/week due to several medical issues), and I do all the cooking, cleaning, pay the bills, do yard work - I do EVERYTHING. And I am too freaking exhausted to even put myself out there to go on mom dates. We have no babysitter set up either because one got a FT job and we recently had to let a long-time nanny go due to performance issues.

Obviously, many of you have no idea, probably because you do have family support, or a lot more time on your hands or can just throw money at the problem. Well some of us do not have that luxury.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess when every other older adult I hear about has moved to an area "to be closer to the kids and grandkids" it makes me feel envious. All my parents new friends who they've made in California all "moved there to be closer to the kids and grandkids." I know that makes my parents feel awkward because they did the opposite--move as far away as possible from their kids. It's certainly the case with much of my extended family. But it just makes me feel like a mediocre daughter that my parents have no interest in doing that--and I feel bad for my child who won't grow up with loving grandparents around.

10:56 PP here:

My parents live in Florida, my siblings live in Texas and my in-laws all live in Oregon, so I understand.

My parents moved to Orlando 30 years ago for my dad's work. 10 years later he retired and they stayed because they love it. My MIL did move to Oregon when our nephew was 8 to be closer to her only grandchild. He's now 22 and despite the fact that she loves our 2 yo twins, she has no intention of moving out here. That's fine. We still see her 3-4 times per year. She comes out 2-3 times and we go out to Oregon once per year. My parents come up once and we go down once per year. So They see grandparents 5-7 times per year.

It's nice having my parents in Orlando because we go down and take the kids to DisneyWorld while visiting Grandma and Grandpa. Double up two visits in one trip. My parents didn't move to Texas when our nieces on my side were young (they are now 18, 19 and 21).

Stop making what your parents do about yourself. You should have learned by the time that you were ten that the world no longer revolves about you. They moved where they needed to enjoy their golden years. They are in an area which has a high number of retirees/seniors and probably a lot of services and businesses that cater to seniors. My parents always comment how much more senior-friendly Florida is than this area. It's expensive, there are nowhere near the number of senior discounts and businesses don't cater to seniors as much. So my parents are in a place which suits them much better here. It's not about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have been here six years and have no friends and can't find a babysitter then the fault is with you not in u your stars. Your parents do not need your permission or blessing to move. You have no friends because nobody likes people who wallow in self pity.

A little harsh, dontcha think?

[Anonymous]

OP I'm in the same boat with two kids and a husband who works a lot. No family and when we moved here I knew no one. I became an ambitious friend maker. I've met a lot of people here who are my new "family." As for getting sick, go to costco buy DayQuil in bulk. Youll be fine

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I think you're being ridiculous to be angry at your parents for moving somewhere that's better for them. You are a grown woman. They're REALLY supposed to live their life for you? Get real. Put on your big girl panties, take your kid for walks, smile at neighbors and strangers with kids who look within six months of yours in either direction and make some damn friends. But don't be a martyr about it.

OP here. I guess when every other older adult I hear about has moved to an area "to be closer to the kids and grandkids" it makes me feel envious. All my parents new friends who they've made in California all "moved there to be closer to the kids and grandkids." I know that makes my parents feel awkward because they did the opposite--move as far away as possible from their kids. It's certainly the case with much of my extended family. But it just makes me feel like a mediocre daughter that my parents have no interest in doing that--and I feel bad for my child who won't grow up with loving grandparents around.

You are not the only one without family in the area. There are thousands of us (transplants) here. What faith are you? We found a community in our Congregation. There are many different and varied congregations in the area that are very welcoming. Some have mother's groups, some have adoptive grandparent programs......

[Anonymous]

I was raised by a wonderful, amazing and loving single mother (I know who my biological father is but have never met him) and was an only child. My Mom was killed in an accident when I was 16 and I became a foster kid living with one of my high school teachers. Through high school, a stint in the army, college, law school and graduate school I made lots of friends, three in particular who are like sisters to me. And I married the greatest, most loving man in the world. But it wasn't until I had my baby that I felt the greatest pangs of grief I have even known for my Mom. I never wanted her to be with me more than when I was a new mother.

So I understand how you would want your parents near you now, OP. But, like so many things in life, sometimes it helps to remember that someone (me) would give their right arm to have their mother on the other side of the country rather than gone forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I think you're being ridiculous to be angry at your parents for moving somewhere that's better for them. You are a grown woman. They're REALLY supposed to live their life for you? Get real. Put on your big girl panties, take your kid for walks, smile at neighbors and strangers with kids who look within six months of yours in either direction and make some damn friends. But don't be a martyr about it.

OP here. I guess when every other older adult I hear about has moved to an area "to be closer to the kids and grandkids" it makes me feel envious. All my parents new friends who they've made in California all "moved there to be closer to the kids and grandkids." I know that makes my parents feel awkward because they did the opposite--move as far away as possible from their kids. It's certainly the case with much of my extended family. But it just makes me feel like a mediocre daughter that my parents have no interest in doing that--and I feel bad for my child who won't grow up with loving grandparents around.

Nope, sorry. You are having a pity party for yourself. Grow. Up. Go to the nearest nursing home and adopt some old people whose family don't visit them. Create a meet-up for people like you - who don't have family nearby and want to make friends with other families who'll be available to play on weekends and celebrate milestones with friends. You're just focusing on the people who aren't available to you. Six years? I moved across the country and within a year or two had close friends who'd invite us to their Thanksgivings and Passovers. Go after what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was raised by a wonderful, amazing and loving single mother (I know who my biological father is but have never met him) and was an only child. My Mom was killed in an accident when I was 16 and I became a foster kid living with one of my high school teachers. Through high school, a stint in the army, college, law school and graduate school I made lots of friends, three in particular who are like sisters to me. And I married the greatest, most loving man in the world. But it wasn't until I had my baby that I felt the greatest pangs of grief I have even known for my Mom. I never wanted her to be with me more than when I was a new mother.

So I understand how you would want your parents near you now, OP. But, like so many things in life, sometimes it helps to remember that someone (me) would give their right arm to have their mother on the other side of the country rather than gone forever.

I'm truly sorry for your loss, PP. And forgive me for asking, but why haven't you ever met your biological father? I'm guessing your parents divorced and your father took off - are you still mad at him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I moved here 6 years ago for work. We have no family in the area and knew no one here. I have been very, very lonely and making friends has been hard.

My parents left my hometown 4 years ago and moved to California. We see them once a year.

Now we have an infant and I am sad for him that he will not see much of his grandparents and won't grow up with loving grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins around. I am also upset at my parents for deciding to move to California (because they have no family there/don't know anyone there, and they only moved for the weather).

My husband's family is in Florida and we see them once or twice a year, but they are dysfunctional and we don't have a good relationship with them. The rest of our extended family is scattered all over and we see them once every 10 years maybe.

It is hard to raise a baby with no local family. I rarely get a break and we will never have date night. I'd find a babysitter if I had some good recommendations, but we don't have any recommendations currently. I am so envious of people who have local family.

It also worries me if one of us get sick--who will take care of the baby? If I get sick and can't take care of the baby, and husband can't take off work, I don't know what we will do, and it really worries me.

Is anyone else in a similar situation? If so, how have you handled it?

You are making a huge assumption.

Local family does not equal babysitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was raised by a wonderful, amazing and loving single mother (I know who my biological father is but have never met him) and was an only child. My Mom was killed in an accident when I was 16 and I became a foster kid living with one of my high school teachers. Through high school, a stint in the army, college, law school and graduate school I made lots of friends, three in particular who are like sisters to me. And I married the greatest, most loving man in the world. But it wasn't until I had my baby that I felt the greatest pangs of grief I have even known for my Mom. I never wanted her to be with me more than when I was a new mother.

So I understand how you would want your parents near you now, OP. But, like so many things in life, sometimes it helps to remember that someone (me) would give their right arm to have their mother on the other side of the country rather than gone forever.

I'm truly sorry for your loss, PP. And forgive me for asking, but why haven't you ever met your biological father? I'm guessing your parents divorced and your father took off - are you still mad at him?

I don't want to hijack the thread but briefly - my parents never married, my mother got pregnant in her first year of college and never demanded anything from the father. She did tell him of my birth and never left the town she was raised in so he could have contacted her/me at any time during my first 18 years of life. I knew his name and my husband traveled to see bio-father just to get a medical history before we conceived our child. Bio-dad was great about providing the information and I'm very grateful for that. But my mother was my parent and worked hard to raise me - I have no animosity toward bio-Dad but no interest in him either.