Am I being ridiculous?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I don't think it's unreasonable for a healthy mid-20s guy to be happy with one time a week and a girlfriend that's hardly ever there. If expressing displeasure about a situation is "whining" when a guy does it, well, I suppose folks will be asking why guys never talk when they're in their 30s. We did, but you said it was whining.

Well, the girlfriend is 'hardly ever there" because she is not only working 12-14 hours a day but commuting--from the place where he has his job--2 or 2.5 hours a day! What's his day like, OP? How long is his work day and how much does he commute? Does he have down time? Doesn't sound much like you do.

If he really wants to address the situation they need to find a new place to live, new jobs, or both. Blaming it only on the lack of sex and only on her misses out on the cause, and addresses only the effect.

If they had reasonable schedules, commutes and the sex was still incompatible, then its another issue.

We live five minutes away from his job. He 'couldn't' move. I did this to better out relationship. I'm trying so hard and I feel like he doesn't think I am


.my only down time during the week is my drives to and from. When I get home I usually make dinner or do laundry and then head to bed. He works 7-4, usually he plays video games after work. He doesn't ever want to go outside or plan fun weekends so our weekends are usually him playing video games and whatever and me catching up on house work and laundry and doing outdoor things by myself. If I do make plans or ask him to go do things with me outside of the house he's usually not super thrilled the whole time...

[Anonymous]

Honey, in your 20s, sex once per week with a bj isn't enough. Sorry to tell you, but something has to change or the relationship is doomed.

That doesn't mean you need to put out more. It means you need to decide if you want to keep dealing with this long commute etc. What is most important to you?

At 23, you shouldn't be making compromises for any man. Seriously. You should be living in your own place, doing your own thing. Creating a life for YOURSELF. And yes, dating other people.

[Anonymous]

OP, you two are incompatible. He sounds like a lazy schlub. He can't make dinner and do
Laundry when you are doing this huge commute for his convenience?

[Anonymous]

You two sound incompatible in more ways than one. Sorry to say but this doesn't look good for you down the road. You are expected to make all the sacrifices and he's making you feel guilty that you're not doing even more to meet his needs (including not only evening activities but also weekend events - you're supposed to enjoy watching him play video games?).

First step I'd suggest: move to near your job. Take turns visiting each other and don't let him guilt you into anything. Stay at your place every night before work. He can do the long commute. Go to his over weekends if you want.

Having been in long distance relationships, I can tell you that sometimes the close-up version of the same relationship will lead you I realize it's just not going to work. You may have been together for almost four years, but you're probably going to end up breaking up on way or another, after more time being unhappy with each other. Get out and find someone who is a better match for you all around.

[Anonymous]

That's not going to work out. Live up your 20s! He sounds lazy and boring, and it's only going to get worse if you have kids and expect him to pitch in.

Move closer to work and explore other options. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

OP, don't throw away your 20s on a bad relationship. Recognize that you're already seeing the signs that it isn't going to work out and cut this thing short.

Don't waste your time sulking. Tell that dude you're done, that you made a mistake moving and now you're going to own up to it and figure out a way to move someplace better for you.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP but best cut your losses now. He sounds like a miminal effort kind of guy (why 'couldn't' he move?). If he's off at 4 and you get home betwee 6 and 9 pm,why isnt he making dinner? this sounds terrible.

anyway, I don't mean to sound judgmental, but I think 23 is too young to be living together. You ended up stuck and committed in a dead end relationship when you should be out, meeting new people, expanding your horizons, picking up new hobbies, laying the groundwork for your professional and personal future. And you should be having FUN. going out withthe girls, getting asked out on dates by guys who might actually want to go on a bike ride with you and would make the effort to go to where YOU are. Cut your losses now, move closer to your job and move on. If he is at all committed tothe relationship, he should drive to see you half the time on the weekend (and have dates!). But I kind of think he's not even worth it.

[Anonymous]

He is not excited about your career, unsympathetic to your commute, does not help around the house though he has far shorter hours, and you like outdoor activities while he just wants to play video games.

If you were married, particularly with kids, I'd say try to work it out. But you have about ten red flags in this relationship. I'd say try maybe one honest talk describing how feel like you've done here and if you get on great big "huh?" in response, walk out.

[Anonymous]

Okay...he works way less than you and does nothing in the house. He doesn't want to do anything with you besides sex and video games. Are you seriously not realizing that he doesn't want you but only your body and house slave capabilities? It's sooooo obvious. Get out of there while you still can, find someone who appreciates you and all your hard work and isn't just after someone to fuck and keep his house clean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is complaing that we don't have enough sex.
He 'couldn't' move.
He works 7-4, usually he plays video games after work.
He doesn't ever want to go outside or plan fun weekends so our weekends are usually him playing video games and whatever and me catching up on house work and laundry and doing outdoor things by myself.
If I do make plans or ask him to go do things with me outside of the house he's usually not super thrilled the whole time...

So why are you with this guy?

Are YOU happier now than when you were living in different cities?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay...he works way less than you and does nothing in the house. He doesn't want to do anything with you besides sex and video games. Are you seriously not realizing that he doesn't want you but only your body and house slave capabilities? It's sooooo obvious. Get out of there while you still can, find someone who appreciates you and all your hard work and isn't just after someone to fuck and keep his house clean.

Agree 100%

[Anonymous]

go listen to 15 episodes of dan savage's lovecast podcast, then dump the motherfucker already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay...he works way less than you and does nothing in the house. He doesn't want to do anything with you besides sex and video games. Are you seriously not realizing that he doesn't want you but only your body and house slave capabilities? It's sooooo obvious. Get out of there while you still can, find someone who appreciates you and all your hard work and isn't just after someone to fuck and keep his house clean.

Agree 100%

This. Get out now.

[Anonymous]

OP, do not let him manipulate you into feeling like you are any less than a woman for being too tired for sex during the week.

Between working long hours and your daily commute, anyone would be exhausted regardless of age.
It's much easier for him since he lives closer to his job and he doesn't have to deal w/such a long commute.

Tell him if he wants you to be at his beck + call for "booty duty" from now on, then have him consider moving closer to your job and let him do the heavy commuting for goodness sake.

Or let him eat crow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP but best cut your losses now. He sounds like a miminal effort kind of guy (why 'couldn't' he move?). If he's off at 4 and you get home betwee 6 and 9 pm,why isnt he making dinner? this sounds terrible.

anyway, I don't mean to sound judgmental, but I think 23 is too young to be living together. You ended up stuck and committed in a dead end relationship when you should be out, meeting new people, expanding your horizons, picking up new hobbies, laying the groundwork for your professional and personal future. And you should be having FUN. going out withthe girls, getting asked out on dates by guys who might actually want to go on a bike ride with you and would make the effort to go to where YOU are. Cut your losses now, move closer to your job and move on. If he is at all committed tothe relationship, he should drive to see you half the time on the weekend (and have dates!). But I kind of think he's not even worth it.

I agree with all the other posts that this guys sounds terrible. I would leave and not look back.

I also think that you shoudn't be living with a guy, especially at your age. (I recognize that many other people may disagree.) Live by yourself for a year (or more). Eat the food YOU want, watch the movies YOU like, have adventures that YOU choose. Once you meet the man you want to marry, you will view the time that you spent living with other guys as a waste. When you live with a man you are building a life with him, sacrificing your independence and compromising your identity. Don't do that with a guy unless you know he will do the same for you and that the life you build together was meant to last forever, i.e. marriage. Oh geez, I sound like such a mom.