Am I being ridiculous?
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Anonymous
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Back story: 23, we've been together for almost 4 years, just moved back into together after living separate because of job. We have been back in the same home for about 3 weeks. Our new home in the same city as HIS job. My job now requires a 2 -2.5 hours of commute daily for me. I also work between 12 and 14 hours a day, 5 days a week
He is complaing that we don't have enough sex and thinks I don't enjoy it with him... When the reality is that I do, but between leaving at 5am to go to work and returning anywhere from 6pm-9pm I'm honestly just exhausted... am I not the norm for my age? should I be ready to go after all of that or is this normal. I feel really terrible and like a failure as a woman right now. |
Anonymous
| Wtf? You're 23, you don't need to be compromising your quality of life and getting into arguments about sex yet. Dump him. You're too young for this bullshit. |
Anonymous
| It's normal to work like crazy in your early 20s. Your guy should be more understanding of your schedule and how tired you are. Besides, whining about sex is a red flag. He needs to start with, "Your work schedule makes me feel neglected. What can we do to have more couple time?" If he continues to nag you and doesn't sympathize with your long hours, he's not the right guy. |
FruminousBandersnatch
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As a guy I can say your BF is being unreasonable. |
Anonymous
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Working 12-14 hours a day + a 2.5 hour commute shows an absolute lack of balance. If you are going to be in a relationship, you have to have time for that relationship.
I don't know of many men in their 20s who are wanting to be in sexless relationships. It sounds like your priority is your career and that is where you are putting all your time. Stop making yourself a victim in this. You choose how you prioritize your time. If you don't have time for a relationship, then don't be in one. |
Anonymous
The thing is, it's not sexless... We have sexy at least once a week and he gets 'other things' at least once a week... I guess I could have mentioned that. We're just not getting it on every day or every other day... |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
If you are in your early 20s and no kids and your sex life is already down once he week, then you are heading towards a sexless marriage if you stay together. Why did you move back in with him? If you don't have any time to spend with him, why not live closer to your job? It seems at this point in time you are incompatible. That isn't a bad thing - just the reality of life. Move on. |
Anonymous
| If you really want to make this work, I would suggest once your lease is up, find a place that is closer to your job. Your relationship probably won't survive this, and you will be completely burnt out by 25. |
Anonymous
+1000 You should move closer to your work and have him come to see you. If he won't then you have your answer (he is selfish and you should dump him). |
Anonymous
agree with this. if you're working this much, a long commute is unreasonable. and at this age, without kids, i don't see why it's necessary to be making the sorts of compromises you' re making. (even older, with kids, i think 2.5 hours of commuting is too much.) i also see what he's saying. this is probably not ideal for him, either. see if compromise is possible. be prepared to end the relationship. |
Anonymous
| Career. Boyfriend. Pick one, because working 70 hours with a 1.25 hour commute each way ain't working so well for your BF. I don't know if it's working for your career or not, but hopefully you're at least getting paid six figures. if you're not, your employers are taking you for a ride down Overwork Street. |
Anonymous
| I don't think it's unreasonable for a healthy mid-20s guy to be happy with one time a week and a girlfriend that's hardly ever there. If expressing displeasure about a situation is "whining" when a guy does it, well, I suppose folks will be asking why guys never talk when they're in their 30s. We did, but you said it was whining. |
Anonymous
Well, the girlfriend is 'hardly ever there" because she is not only working 12-14 hours a day but commuting--from the place where he has his job--2 or 2.5 hours a day! What's his day like, OP? How long is his work day and how much does he commute? Does he have down time? Doesn't sound much like you do. If he really wants to address the situation they need to find a new place to live, new jobs, or both. Blaming it only on the lack of sex and only on her misses out on the cause, and addresses only the effect. If they had reasonable schedules, commutes and the sex was still incompatible, then its another issue. |
Anonymous
Obviously, the situation is not working out - it has only been a couple of weeks and neither person in the relationship seems thrilled that the girlfriend is off 14-15 hours a day. It is whining if the boyfriend says he is unhappy that he is not getting enough action and expects the girlfriend to jump to action - she is only going to resent this demand because she is already making a lot of sacrifices (the two hours of driving a day) to be there. It is relationship building when the boyfriend talks to the girlfriend about finding a solution to have more/better time together - moving, being responsible for more things in the apartment, planning more together time on weekends, etc. |