My husband tries, so...

[Anonymous]

You can be right, or you can be married.

Get back to us when you are perfect and never make mistakes.

[Anonymous]

OP, why do you feel a news to blame anyone? For anything?

There is a whole psychology around blame, and none of its good. Not for your husband and not for YOU. You may think it makes you happy to be right and better and morally superior to your husband, but if you truly felt good, you wouldn't be writing here.

Try to focus more at being mad at the situation rather than mad at the person. Or in this case, the people. There would have been nothing wrong insisting you wanted the laptop with you. Focus instead on it sucks that the laptop is broken. Not your husband. For your own mental health. Blame is not productive. Problem solving is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, why do you feel a *news to blame anyone? For anything?

There is a whole psychology around blame, and none of its good. Not for your husband and not for YOU. You may think it makes you happy to be right and better and morally superior to your husband, but if you truly felt good, you wouldn't be writing here.

Try to focus more at being mad at the situation rather than mad at the person. Or in this case, the people. There would have been nothing wrong insisting you wanted the laptop with you. Focus instead on it sucks that the laptop is broken. Not your husband. For your own mental health. Blame is not productive. Problem solving is.

Feel a need.

[Anonymous]

Best thing to do is to get a SSD hard drive. No moving parts.

Most modern hard drives have a lock mechanism so that the head is locked down when the drive is off. It is possible that that failed. A properly locked drive will not crash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Accidents happen. I don't understand how there is a relationship between putting the laptop in the overhead compartment and a dead hard drive.

Turbulence tosses luggage, which hits laptop. Hard drive needle connects with disk, rendering laptop unusable. Or, other hardware is damaged by being jostled. Under the seat, there is no luggage being tossed around.

There's no way that luggage is being tossed around in the overhead compartments. Those things are stuffed packed without any room for things to move.

[Anonymous]

Why is he deciding where to put your laptop? If you make a bad decision on your own, there isn't room for resenting another person about it.

[Anonymous]

Two issues here:

If you wanted your laptop under the seat, you should have just insisted on it - especially if it was going to be under the seat in front of you.

Second, very unlikely that your hard drive crashed because it was stored in an overhead compartment unless it was literally thrown around in that compartment. Also, the data on that hard drive is usually quite easily recoverable - there are software programs that do this and it does not cost much and anyone who is half-way computer savvy can do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Communications issues!! So many issues here. First of all, it's NOT being bitchy to put your laptop where you want it. You should have just said, "let's put it under the seat," and that would have been the end of that. Not sure why you thought you had to be bitchy to accomplish that -- is it originating from you, or from him (like he won't back down unless you are bitch about it), or a combination of the two? It's your belonging, you get to decide where it goes.

Second of all, and this one is all on you, why do you care about forcing an admission from him that he's to blame? Maybe he's right, maybe he's wrong, but "forcing an admission" doesn't get you anywhere. Instead you have to address the real thing here - whatever dynamic you guys have that made it so you couldn't just simply express your valid preference to put your own belonging where you wanted it to go.

This isn't about what happened to the laptop at all. The question is why you guys communicate so poorly.

I suppose that it's because we both think the other is some degree of an idiot because of inflated self-importance. This and a major marital hiccup that will take time to recover from. But, everyone has hiccups. And, while we've gone through some degree of counseling, we have a ways to go.

I didn't say "force an admission." PP, you have to be careful to use quotations in this context when actually quoting people.

Ha ha, like the way you switch the focus to how I quoted you instead of the actual truth - which is that you are stuck on getting an admission of fault from him. Why are you fixated on being right instead getting what you actually want, which is to decide like and adult where your things go? You are clearly locked in a dynamic with your DH that is about fighting and proving the other is a wrong person, instead of problem solving and getting along. Until you sort this out it will be one stupid fight after another - laptop this time, next time will be something else meaningless to manifest your drama.

[Anonymous]

Why was the laptop even a discussion? If you want it there, just put it there. No need to even announce that you are doing it.

[Anonymous]

It was an accident, but you should have spoken up about not wanting it in the overhead.

[Anonymous]

I feel your pain. This totally sounds like my husband. He knows what is best on the most ridiculous topics, and I can totally picture him being overbearing and condescending and literally forcing my laptop up in the bin. I can picture having the argument in the aisle and finally giving up so that other people can just get seated already. We actually had a very similar situation regarding a cake yesterday. I call him the bulldozer. I am working on handling it better myself. And I'm sure I am guilty of overcriticizing him. I too would like any ideas on how to deal with this dynamic.

I often think that guys are rewarded for pushing everyone around them relentlessly, often confused for management or leadership. I wish there was an off switch for that when he comes home.

[Anonymous]

God, I am so glad I am not married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband tries, so I pick my battles. He wanted to put my laptop in the overhead compartment. I asked to put it under the seat in front of me. He said that it would be fine. I said that it would really be better if I put it under the seat. He insisted it would be fine. This is the same discussion about a lot of thing. I usually insist that I know what's best for me. But, I can't be a bitchy wife all of the time. So it rides up there on the way there fine. On the way back, it has hard drive damage. Can't get it to start. He's an IT guy. Checked a few things. Says it will cost more to repair than to buy new. OMFG. In the middle of a huge project, I have to buy a new computer. I want to scream. I'm eating ice cream and drinking wine instead. I blame him. But, he doesn't see this as his fault. I do. I blame him. Story of my life. I wish he would see how he contributed to the problem and just say that he "knows he said we should stow it, but he doesn't think that contributed." Instead, to get what I need, the admission that maybe we shouldn't have stowed it, it requires a fight.

Next time, get off your ass and take care of your own stuff if it's important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:God, I am so glad I am not married.

+ 1,000

[Anonymous]

Assuming you carried your own stuff onto the plane, then stick it under your feet. When he asks to put it in the overhead compartment (probably to free up foot space for you) you say no thanks, keeping it here.

Then you make sure you keep your feet in your space.

End of discussion.

If he is carrying your things for you, then he decides where they go. If he is physically pulling them out from under your feet against your wishes, then yo have a right to be mad.