My husband tries, so...

Anonymous
My husband tries, so I pick my battles. He wanted to put my laptop in the overhead compartment. I asked to put it under the seat in front of me. He said that it would be fine. I said that it would really be better if I put it under the seat. He insisted it would be fine. This is the same discussion about a lot of thing. I usually insist that I know what's best for me. But, I can't be a bitchy wife all of the time. So it rides up there on the way there fine. On the way back, it has hard drive damage. Can't get it to start. He's an IT guy. Checked a few things. Says it will cost more to repair than to buy new. OMFG. In the middle of a huge project, I have to buy a new computer. I want to scream. I'm eating ice cream and drinking wine instead. I blame him. But, he doesn't see this as his fault. I do. I blame him. Story of my life. I wish he would see how he contributed to the problem and just say that he "knows he said we should stow it, but he doesn't think that contributed." Instead, to get what I need, the admission that maybe we shouldn't have stowed it, it requires a fight.
Anonymous
A new laptop is cheaper than a divorce.
Anonymous
No advice just letting you know that you're not alone (or we're married to the same guy).

Hang in there and try to focus in all the great things he does that really make a difference!
Anonymous
OP, Are you mad at yourself for not sticking to your guns? I would be. Sorry about your computer. For additional consolation, addd some hot fudge to your ice cream, too!
Anonymous
Enjoy your wine and ice cream! But, do you really need to 'battle' or engage in a discussion on everything? It's your laptop, so why do you even need to tell him what to do it? Just do it yourself, put it under your seat. If you want it your way, plan to do it yourself. Might be more peaceful.
Anonymous
Communications issues!! So many issues here. First of all, it's NOT being bitchy to put your laptop where you want it. You should have just said, "let's put it under the seat," and that would have been the end of that. Not sure why you thought you had to be bitchy to accomplish that -- is it originating from you, or from him (like he won't back down unless you are bitch about it), or a combination of the two? It's your belonging, you get to decide where it goes.

Second of all, and this one is all on you, why do you care about forcing an admission from him that he's to blame? Maybe he's right, maybe he's wrong, but "forcing an admission" doesn't get you anywhere. Instead you have to address the real thing here - whatever dynamic you guys have that made it so you couldn't just simply express your valid preference to put your own belonging where you wanted it to go.

This isn't about what happened to the laptop at all. The question is why you guys communicate so poorly.
Anonymous
Accidents happen. I don't understand how there is a relationship between putting the laptop in the overhead compartment and a dead hard drive.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:OP, Are you mad at yourself for not sticking to your guns? I would be. Sorry about your computer. For additional consolation, addd some hot fudge to your ice cream, too!


I regret not sticking to my guns in part. I wish I could have communicated what I felt was important in the moment without without starting a fight. But, on the other hand, I'm happy that I was able to not make a huge deal about it. He says from time to time, "I know you don't want to hear my opinion about this, but..." Meaning I've made clear a lot that I have not only a different opinion, but have had to push things to the point where I've communicated I don't have the energy to listen to his opinion again.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Accidents happen. I don't understand how there is a relationship between putting the laptop in the overhead compartment and a dead hard drive.


Turbulence tosses luggage, which hits laptop. Hard drive needle connects with disk, rendering laptop unusable. Or, other hardware is damaged by being jostled. Under the seat, there is no luggage being tossed around.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Accidents happen. I don't understand how there is a relationship between putting the laptop in the overhead compartment and a dead hard drive.


Turbulence tosses luggage, which hits laptop. Hard drive needle connects with disk, rendering laptop unusable. Or, other hardware is damaged by being jostled. Under the seat, there is no luggage being tossed around.


Unlikely if it's in a proper case. Hard drives die all the time for any number of reasons. It was probably died on its own accord.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Communications issues!! So many issues here. First of all, it's NOT being bitchy to put your laptop where you want it. You should have just said, "let's put it under the seat," and that would have been the end of that. Not sure why you thought you had to be bitchy to accomplish that -- is it originating from you, or from him (like he won't back down unless you are bitch about it), or a combination of the two? It's your belonging, you get to decide where it goes.

Second of all, and this one is all on you, why do you care about forcing an admission from him that he's to blame? Maybe he's right, maybe he's wrong, but "forcing an admission" doesn't get you anywhere. Instead you have to address the real thing here - whatever dynamic you guys have that made it so you couldn't just simply express your valid preference to put your own belonging where you wanted it to go.

This isn't about what happened to the laptop at all. The question is why you guys communicate so poorly.


I suppose that it's because we both think the other is some degree of an idiot because of inflated self-importance. This and a major marital hiccup that will take time to recover from. But, everyone has hiccups. And, while we've gone through some degree of counseling, we have a ways to go.

I didn't say "force an admission." PP, you have to be careful to use quotations in this context when actually quoting people.
Anonymous
That man owes you a new computer. And an apology.
Anonymous
To me, the weird thing is him making a decision about your laptop. That just seems strange to me.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:A new laptop is cheaper than a divorce.


This. Op, my spouse is similar - he's broken or lost or destroyed my things through negligence or sometimes even stupidity. Sometimes you just have to cut your losses and eat your wine and ice cream and remember you're saving a lot of money just by not being divorced!
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Accidents happen. I don't understand how there is a relationship between putting the laptop in the overhead compartment and a dead hard drive.


Turbulence tosses luggage, which hits laptop. Hard drive needle connects with disk, rendering laptop unusable. Or, other hardware is damaged by being jostled. Under the seat, there is no luggage being tossed around.


Unlikely if it's in a proper case. Hard drives die all the time for any number of reasons. It was probably died on its own accord.


Hi OPs husband!
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