How do I get my dd to understand that there ARE rapists and murderers out there?

[Anonymous]

OP, has your daughter been tested for SN?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you will have to watch her longer. You should know, however, that she is at much greater risk of assault by someone you KNOW and TRUST rather than a stranger.

The circle of people around her is small, plus she would tell me if somone is doing something to her. She is a kind of big mouth that way, so in a strange way, that is good. The scenario that scares me is the physical abduction, she is thin and could never defend herself. She has a phone and I have been tempted to give her pepper spray, but she is not very responsible. Aye.

Don't bet on it. Children who are victimized in this way usually don't tell. I was molested by a family member for 6 years beginning at age 8. I was told lies that kept me from letting my parents know what was happening. They only learned about my experiences after this relative was under investigation for molesting other children.

I don't bet, but she is only in contact with her father, boys her age and younger, and a couple of teachers. No male person has access to her in private. No male babysitters. But yes, anything could happen.

Females can be predators, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is 11 and very very pretty. We get compliments all the time and she has been asked to model on about 15 different occaisions.
HOWEVER, she is not the brightest child, gullible and so on. She is also a bit inarticulate. Unfortunately, very friendly.

I have told her repeatedly to stay away from the workmen in the neighborhood. Just yesterday, she rushed out to greet a man who was coming to give me an estimate. She did not know him or why he was there. Then she kept hanging around as I spoke to him. I asked her to get lost a few times, but she kept coming back.

In comparison to her friends, she is much more flakey and easily influenced. She could easily give a nut pedophile the impression taht she wants to "do it" with her friendly almost seductive face.

I have spoken to her explicitly. Yes, told her about the abduction, rape, murder thing. She gets nervous for two minutes then seems to forget what I said.

HELP! My mother says that I have to treat her like a 5 year old for much longer because she has to be really watched.

Rapists...murderers...those are boogeymen to an 11 year-old. Fictional phantoms devised by dear Mommy to frighten her into behaving better. Instead of stressing the boogeymen, which to your daughter probably don't seem real, why not stress something she does indeed know is very much real - MOMMY. It wasn't the fear of some boogeyman that kept me from wandering into people's backyards or deterred me from riding my bike past the stop sign on my block...it was the fear of my mother!! Mommy was real. Mommy wasn't some spooky story. Mommy could put a hurting on me. So I did what the hell I was told not cause I was afraid of some boogeyman, I was afraid of mommy!!

Next time she goes running out to meet some stranger coming up to the house don't pull her aside and try to drill in her head the infinite dangers that lurk behind the smiles of strangers...that ain't even necessary. Instead of going through all that the next time she goes running out to meet some stranger coming up to the house just snatch her ass up and show her what you will do if she does that shit again!! I bet you she'll stay her ass put next time. Shit the police could come knocking and she won't answer the door lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you will have to watch her longer. You should know, however, that she is at much greater risk of assault by someone you KNOW and TRUST rather than a stranger.

Agreed. You also need to teach her to protect herself and listen to her instincts when it comes to people she knows, like family friends, her own friends, and other adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you will have to watch her longer. You should know, however, that she is at much greater risk of assault by someone you KNOW and TRUST rather than a stranger.

The circle of people around her is small, plus she would tell me if somone is doing something to her. She is a kind of big mouth that way, so in a strange way, that is good. The scenario that scares me is the physical abduction, she is thin and could never defend herself. She has a phone and I have been tempted to give her pepper spray, but she is not very responsible. Aye.

Don't bet on it. Children who are victimized in this way usually don't tell. I was molested by a family member for 6 years beginning at age 8. I was told lies that kept me from letting my parents know what was happening. They only learned about my experiences after this relative was under investigation for molesting other children.

I don't bet, but she is only in contact with her father, boys her age and younger, and a couple of teachers. No male person has access to her in private. No male babysitters. But yes, anything could happen.

You need to educate yourself. The likelihood of your daughter being abused by a family member or a teacher is a lot higher than her being abducted off the street.

Also, nice dig in your OP at "the workmen" as if someone being a manual laborer means that they are a rapist.

[Anonymous]

OP, some of the ways you describe your DD make me think she may have SN. Might be worth it to get her tested because if she does, you can figure out how to talk to her in a way she will understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very much trolling. No parent writes about her 11 year old giving a "seductive" face that she wants to "do it."

I think some kids are bored on spring break.

I had to write it that way because that is the way it IS! I get uncomfortable thinking about it myself. But how can I write about this in a nuanced form? I need suggestions. Maybe you could rewrite it for me so that everyone would get it.
BTW, I thought I would be attacked for saying that she is not very bright, in this DC environ. where everyone's kid is super smart.

OP, you sound a bit unstable and immature. Are you jealous of your daughter's looks? Are you insecure in your own appearance? It is totally inappropriate to sexualize your daughter's expressions and even suggest that they give the appearance that she wants to "do it." You're assuming that men attack young girls because the girls gave some look towards them. That's not how it works. Predators look for opportunity--a trusting parent that doesn't question alone time with their child. As others have mentioned here, there is a greater likelihood of a predator being known to the family versus a contractor or repairman.

If you need something to do, go get a copy of "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker. Read it cover to cover.

Also, "Protecting the Gift" (same author) about protecting your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to decide what you think is safe and not safe for her and then enforce those guidelines the same way you enforce (or incentivize) other rules in your house. She's 11, she really doesn't need to know the horrific things that can happen to people -- she doesn't have the context to understand how violating rape would be, anyway. Just be consistent. Talking back = loss of privileges. Shoplifting a candy bar = loss of privileges. Talking to a stranger = loss of privileges.

You also need to be clear about what a "stranger" is -- is the contractor really a "stranger" when you are present and let him into your house? I am not sure why it is not safe for her to hang around you and a contractor when you are present. Or to answer the door when you are home. But whatever, you need to figure out the RULE, explain it to her, and enforce it.

If she has social boundary issues, then maybe outside counseling.

SHE did not know him. I guy shows up with his truck and walks into your yard and you are a kid, you should just get the parent. So that is why I was upset.
I agree that the boundary thing might be a problem. She has a funny way of getting phyically too close at times. Craves attention. A set up.

does she have a father figure in her life? This could be in response to that if she doesn't. Counseling might help.

[Anonymous]

OP. Teach her not to go anywhere with people. Don't go into a house without your permission. Never get into a car without permission.

It's usually teen boys who will try to coax girls into their houses, into the woods, etc., acting friendly. Just teach her not to go anywhere with people without your knowledge and permission, even if she knows them.

[Anonymous]

I don't think rapists and murderers only pick good looking people.

I agree with a PP that it is worrisome that you put those things together (she is attractive so she is more likely to be targeted) and that you describe one of her looks as seductive. Really?? I think you are a bit obsessed with this.

I think your real issue is that your DD does not seem to understand social barriers that she should be putting up in certain situations. Perhaps a doctor or therapist can help with that. I don't think scaring her more about rapists and murderers is helpful. I'd be more worried that she'll be taken advantage of by friends or a boyfriend. Get her some therapy to explore the issues of social boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Get this video and watch it together.

http://www.amazon.com/Safe-Side-Stranger-Safety-People/dp/B0009LS9Y4/ref=sr_1_1?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1397582925&sr=1-1&keywords=the+safe+side+stranger+safety

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, has your daughter been tested for SN?

She is extremely language delayed. She fools you because she has average to slightly below average grades in language and above average in math. So she is mainstreamed.

[Anonymous]

Could she possibly have TS? A lot of TS girls are inappropriately friendly.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the helpful replies. I especially agree with the suggestion to get tough.
I am not jealous of my daughter and do not sexualize her. This is a real issue. There have been occasions where we were followed by strangers who wanted to speak to me about modeling. I know that the average creep does not care about how a child looks, but her looks get the initial attention then I fear that they will figure her out soon after. She is sort of used to the stares , mostly from adoring women but sometimes men.
I am not accusing all men (or workmen) of being creeps but for now this child needs to assume the worst or at least obey me.
Years ago I saw a girl at a park unsupervised. She also had a speech delay. I told my husband that she was at a huge risk. That was when my dd was a toddler. Now I see my child in the same way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could she possibly have TS? A lot of TS girls are inappropriately friendly.

What is TS?