How do I get my dd to understand that there ARE rapists and murderers out there?

[Anonymous]

I understand your concern even if some PPs have taken issue (perhaps legitimately) with the way you have phrased parts of your post. Just based off of what you have posted and a few minutes of thought about what I would do, here are a few ideas you can think about:

-Work on social boundaries in all sorts of different situations. If she generally seems a bit clueless about such things I suggest doing a lot of role playing, giving her scripted scenarios to follow, looking into the idea of social stories, or finding a therapist if you think that is necessary.

-If I had the type of concerns you expressed, I would not consider my daughter sufficiently mature to be unsupervised for significant amounts of time. Therefore, despite her age, I would still use the supervision rules I use for my younger kids who are not ready to be on their own. I would make sure she knows that she is only ever allowed to go somewhere with someone if the adult in charge of her at the time approves. I would emphasize that any time she is away from home without me she is always to be either with an older (teenage+) relative, with a group of her peers, or within an adult supervisor’s line of sight.

-Make some hard and fast safety rules that she is to follow at all times with no exceptions. Let her know you will enforce them as seriously as you do other house rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, has your daughter been tested for SN?

+1

From your description there is something more global going on with your DD that should be addressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, has your daughter been tested for SN?

+1

From your description there is something more global going on with your DD that should be addressed.

From the ugly things some people here have written, I am certain there are global issues with miserable adults which should be addressed.

I know exactly the type of child OP is describing. I was such a child, but my parents didn't pick up on it. Most others did. I had no sense of what came to be called boundaries, although I was taught to be very polite. I was a very late bloomer. Can't even count the times I was approached by predators (although nobody knew these types as such back then) as a girl and young adult. While I was not beautiful in the manner described by OP, there was something that made me a magnet for weirdness. People used to tell me I was "too open". I made friends easily, but was often exploited.

OP happens to be sensitive and observant. In my case, it might have been FAE, because I was a slow learner, and it's a miracle I wasn't raped and killed. I think maybe a really scary cautionary film might have worked for me.

One thing is I would take care to see that she is dressed modestly and conservatively, because offenders always take things the wrong way----and be really careful about giving her a phone or unsupervised Internet access. It is hopefully a phase she will slowly grow out of.

[Anonymous]

I have met girls like that. What is scary, in addition to the predator, is the kid around her age...There will be boys that take her friendliness as more than friendliness...Adults should know better, but a 12-14 yo boy may not.

[Anonymous]

OP, she doesn't need to understand yet that there are rapists and murderers. She DOES, however, need to do what you tell her. It seems like she had problems listening if you told her to leave the workman alone several times and she did not listen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, has your daughter been tested for SN?

+1

From your description there is something more global going on with your DD that should be addressed.

From the ugly things some people here have written, I am certain there are global issues with miserable adults which should be addressed.

I know exactly the type of child OP is describing. I was such a child, but my parents didn't pick up on it. Most others did. I had no sense of what came to be called boundaries, although I was taught to be very polite. I was a very late bloomer. Can't even count the times I was approached by predators (although nobody knew these types as such back then) as a girl and young adult. While I was not beautiful in the manner described by OP, there was something that made me a magnet for weirdness. People used to tell me I was "too open". I made friends easily, but was often exploited.

OP happens to be sensitive and observant. In my case, it might have been FAE, because I was a slow learner, and it's a miracle I wasn't raped and killed. I think maybe a really scary cautionary film might have worked for me.

One thing is I would take care to see that she is dressed modestly and conservatively, because offenders always take things the wrong way----and be really careful about giving her a phone or unsupervised Internet access. It is hopefully a phase she will slowly grow out of.

Thanks for your honesty. At about what age did the creeps stop taking an interest in you?

[Anonymous]

At about 7th grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, she doesn't need to understand yet that there are rapists and murderers. She DOES, however, need to do what you tell her. It seems like she had problems listening if you told her to leave the workman alone several times and she did not listen.

This seems key. After rereading OP's post, I'm wondering why her dd should be told that it's not safe to hang around a visitor because her mom is there and should be able to protect her. I mean, it feels odd to me to frighten a kid because there is a vague possibility that a random person having an interaction with her mom could somehow be dangerous, especially when mom is right there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could she possibly have TS? A lot of TS girls are inappropriately friendly.

What is TS?

And SN, for that matter?

[Anonymous]

SN is special needs...TS, not sure, tourettes syndrom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, she doesn't need to understand yet that there are rapists and murderers. She DOES, however, need to do what you tell her. It seems like she had problems listening if you told her to leave the workman alone several times and she did not listen.

This seems key. After rereading OP's post, I'm wondering why her dd should be told that it's not safe to hang around a visitor because her mom is there and should be able to protect her. I mean, it feels odd to me to frighten a kid because there is a vague possibility that a random person having an interaction with her mom could somehow be dangerous, especially when mom is right there.

Yes, this and the asking her to "get lost a few times" make the OP's original post very unusual. Most kids are interested in who comes to the door and who mom is talking to. Why the need to hide your attractive, friendly child away when you're there??

[Anonymous]

My mother signed my sister and I up for a women's self-defense class when we were teenagers. The class was taught by our local police department. The police were very honest and descriptive when describing what could happen to us.
The experience of having a grown man grab me and try to subdue me was sobering. I realized how easy it would be to be a victim. This was over 20 years ago and I still use some of the methods they taught.
It was a wake-up call.
I would recommend this to anyone.

[Anonymous]

I used to watch Dateline, 20/20, and 48 Hours type of shows with my grandma. That was enough to convince me. Maybe she needs a real story than just your warning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You more likely to be raped by someone you know. It's old to warn your child about stranger danger but she should know what's ok and what's not ok with family members and friends, etc, too.

[Anonymous]

You sound like you are hypersexualizing your child. Why would you want to scare her with a story some worker in your house is going to rape her even if you are right there. If you wanted her to leave bc she was being annoying when you were trying to have an adult conversation that is one thing. But to tell her you need her to leave bc she is acting too. . . what? Friendly? Slutty? Is just weird.