How do I get my dd to understand that there ARE rapists and murderers out there?

[Anonymous]

She is 11 and very very pretty. We get compliments all the time and she has been asked to model on about 15 different occaisions.
HOWEVER, she is not the brightest child, gullible and so on. She is also a bit inarticulate. Unfortunately, very friendly.

I have told her repeatedly to stay away from the workmen in the neighborhood. Just yesterday, she rushed out to greet a man who was coming to give me an estimate. She did not know him or why he was there. Then she kept hanging around as I spoke to him. I asked her to get lost a few times, but she kept coming back.

In comparison to her friends, she is much more flakey and easily influenced. She could easily give a nut pedophile the impression taht she wants to "do it" with her friendly almost seductive face.

I have spoken to her explicitly. Yes, told her about the abduction, rape, murder thing. She gets nervous for two minutes then seems to forget what I said.

HELP! My mother says that I have to treat her like a 5 year old for much longer because she has to be really watched.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you will have to watch her longer. You should know, however, that she is at much greater risk of assault by someone you KNOW and TRUST rather than a stranger.

[Anonymous]

This sounds trolly.

[Anonymous]

Very much trolling. No parent writes about her 11 year old giving a "seductive" face that she wants to "do it."

I think some kids are bored on spring break.

[Anonymous]

You more likely to be raped by someone you know. It's old to warn your child about stranger danger but she should know what's ok and what's not ok with family members and friends, etc, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You more likely to be raped by someone you know. It's old to warn your child about stranger danger but she should know what's ok and what's not ok with family members and friends, etc, too.

It's good *

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you will have to watch her longer. You should know, however, that she is at much greater risk of assault by someone you KNOW and TRUST rather than a stranger.

The circle of people around her is small, plus she would tell me if somone is doing something to her. She is a kind of big mouth that way, so in a strange way, that is good. The scenario that scares me is the physical abduction, she is thin and could never defend herself. She has a phone and I have been tempted to give her pepper spray, but she is not very responsible. Aye.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to decide what you think is safe and not safe for her and then enforce those guidelines the same way you enforce (or incentivize) other rules in your house. She's 11, she really doesn't need to know the horrific things that can happen to people -- she doesn't have the context to understand how violating rape would be, anyway. Just be consistent. Talking back = loss of privileges. Shoplifting a candy bar = loss of privileges. Talking to a stranger = loss of privileges.

You also need to be clear about what a "stranger" is -- is the contractor really a "stranger" when you are present and let him into your house? I am not sure why it is not safe for her to hang around you and a contractor when you are present. Or to answer the door when you are home. But whatever, you need to figure out the RULE, explain it to her, and enforce it.

If she has social boundary issues, then maybe outside counseling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very much trolling. No parent writes about her 11 year old giving a "seductive" face that she wants to "do it."

I think some kids are bored on spring break.

I had to write it that way because that is the way it IS! I get uncomfortable thinking about it myself. But how can I write about this in a nuanced form? I need suggestions. Maybe you could rewrite it for me so that everyone would get it.
BTW, I thought I would be attacked for saying that she is not very bright, in this DC environ. where everyone's kid is super smart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to decide what you think is safe and not safe for her and then enforce those guidelines the same way you enforce (or incentivize) other rules in your house. She's 11, she really doesn't need to know the horrific things that can happen to people -- she doesn't have the context to understand how violating rape would be, anyway. Just be consistent. Talking back = loss of privileges. Shoplifting a candy bar = loss of privileges. Talking to a stranger = loss of privileges.

You also need to be clear about what a "stranger" is -- is the contractor really a "stranger" when you are present and let him into your house? I am not sure why it is not safe for her to hang around you and a contractor when you are present. Or to answer the door when you are home. But whatever, you need to figure out the RULE, explain it to her, and enforce it.

If she has social boundary issues, then maybe outside counseling.

SHE did not know him. I guy shows up with his truck and walks into your yard and you are a kid, you should just get the parent. So that is why I was upset.
I agree that the boundary thing might be a problem. She has a funny way of getting phyically too close at times. Craves attention. A set up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you will have to watch her longer. You should know, however, that she is at much greater risk of assault by someone you KNOW and TRUST rather than a stranger.

The circle of people around her is small, plus she would tell me if somone is doing something to her. She is a kind of big mouth that way, so in a strange way, that is good. The scenario that scares me is the physical abduction, she is thin and could never defend herself. She has a phone and I have been tempted to give her pepper spray, but she is not very responsible. Aye.

Don't bet on it. Children who are victimized in this way usually don't tell. I was molested by a family member for 6 years beginning at age 8. I was told lies that kept me from letting my parents know what was happening. They only learned about my experiences after this relative was under investigation for molesting other children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very much trolling. No parent writes about her 11 year old giving a "seductive" face that she wants to "do it."

I think some kids are bored on spring break.

I had to write it that way because that is the way it IS! I get uncomfortable thinking about it myself. But how can I write about this in a nuanced form? I need suggestions. Maybe you could rewrite it for me so that everyone would get it.
BTW, I thought I would be attacked for saying that she is not very bright, in this DC environ. where everyone's kid is super smart.

Because clearly the apple didn't fall very far from the tree. You are also quite inarticulate.

I don't believe you, frankly. This whole topic sounds made up and stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you will have to watch her longer. You should know, however, that she is at much greater risk of assault by someone you KNOW and TRUST rather than a stranger.

The circle of people around her is small, plus she would tell me if somone is doing something to her. She is a kind of big mouth that way, so in a strange way, that is good. The scenario that scares me is the physical abduction, she is thin and could never defend herself. She has a phone and I have been tempted to give her pepper spray, but she is not very responsible. Aye.

Don't bet on it. Children who are victimized in this way usually don't tell. I was molested by a family member for 6 years beginning at age 8. I was told lies that kept me from letting my parents know what was happening. They only learned about my experiences after this relative was under investigation for molesting other children.

I don't bet, but she is only in contact with her father, boys her age and younger, and a couple of teachers. No male person has access to her in private. No male babysitters. But yes, anything could happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very much trolling. No parent writes about her 11 year old giving a "seductive" face that she wants to "do it."

I think some kids are bored on spring break.

I had to write it that way because that is the way it IS! I get uncomfortable thinking about it myself. But how can I write about this in a nuanced form? I need suggestions. Maybe you could rewrite it for me so that everyone would get it.
BTW, I thought I would be attacked for saying that she is not very bright, in this DC environ. where everyone's kid is super smart.

Because clearly the apple didn't fall very far from the tree. You are also quite inarticulate.

I don't believe you, frankly. This whole topic sounds made up and stupid.

OK, maybe I am dumb too, but I am just trying to get suggestions. Dumb people and their dumb kids should not be victims either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very much trolling. No parent writes about her 11 year old giving a "seductive" face that she wants to "do it."

I think some kids are bored on spring break.

I had to write it that way because that is the way it IS! I get uncomfortable thinking about it myself. But how can I write about this in a nuanced form? I need suggestions. Maybe you could rewrite it for me so that everyone would get it.
BTW, I thought I would be attacked for saying that she is not very bright, in this DC environ. where everyone's kid is super smart.

OP, you sound a bit unstable and immature. Are you jealous of your daughter's looks? Are you insecure in your own appearance? It is totally inappropriate to sexualize your daughter's expressions and even suggest that they give the appearance that she wants to "do it." You're assuming that men attack young girls because the girls gave some look towards them. That's not how it works. Predators look for opportunity--a trusting parent that doesn't question alone time with their child. As others have mentioned here, there is a greater likelihood of a predator being known to the family versus a contractor or repairman.

If you need something to do, go get a copy of "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker. Read it cover to cover.