Resentful and annoyed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I can't move. My housing costs are $1200 a month for a family of 4. Tell me where in the city I could get somewhere to live for that price and a good school? I have lived here since long before I had children so it was not a consideration when I saw single.

People who throw around "can't you move" have no understanding of the reality of normal people who don't have incomes into six figures.

If you have lived there for so long then WHY did you have multiple kids when you didn't have a viable school option the entire time?
Most of us made the housing decisions years ago based on the knowledge that we would have kids someday. We scrimped and saved and bought in areas we didn't want to live in based on our future school needs. AND we only had one child. we didn't have a second because we couldn't afford to.
I kind of feel like you made your bed and now you want to complain about it.

This is unhelpful and annoying. OP is looking for understanding, not a lecture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I can't move. My housing costs are $1200 a month for a family of 4. Tell me where in the city I could get somewhere to live for that price and a good school? I have lived here since long before I had children so it was not a consideration when I saw single.

People who throw around "can't you move" have no understanding of the reality of normal people who don't have incomes into six figures.

If you have lived there for so long then WHY did you have multiple kids when you didn't have a viable school option the entire time?
Most of us made the housing decisions years ago based on the knowledge that we would have kids someday. We scrimped and saved and bought in areas we didn't want to live in based on our future school needs. AND we only had one child. we didn't have a second because we couldn't afford to.
I kind of feel like you made your bed and now you want to complain about it.

I do not think it is fair to question why she chose to have 2 kids. We all have are in different situations and predicaments in life so we cannot and shouldn't compare our decision vs others.

She got shut out, Let her vent for goodness sake!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I felt that way last year, when a good friend of mine got into two of the most popular charter schools, and 2 DCPS that are also good. I was very resentful of her family's good fortune and sad because we were not similarly fortunate.

The reality is that with housing costs like that, your options are stay where you are or move to the suburbs. Many, many people in the city face similar options. My housing costs are almost TWICE what yours are (we rent) and I am grateful to be matched at a so-so elementary school nearby.

The thing you have to keep in mind is that your friends are not gloating and bragging to make you feel crappy. Imagine how happy YOU would be, given your situation, if you got that kind of windfall. It would likely be the same situation in reverse. Be happy for your friends, that they have so many options, and then figure out what the best option is for you.

yep, if we hadn't gotten a slot, we would have had to move to the suburbs and face a long commute. Its sucks so bad, but DC spits you out if you don't have money or are lucky. We've been given a possible reprieve though 6th grade, then we need to get lucky or move to way out VA . Catholic schools are pretty reasonable if you want to give it another year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I feel your pain but want to ask: did you apply for any charters that were outside the top 10 most applied to or any DCPS east of RockCreek Park/not on the Hill?

Yes. We applied to DC Prep and KIPP, but our waitlist numbers there are the same as at EL Haynes and Inspired Teaching. We also applied to Garrison and Powell. And Bridges. We had a list of 12 and about half of them were "back-ups".

[Anonymous]

While DC Prep and KIPP may be unpopular on DCUM, I think the info you get here is skewed...Post reported 6,000 applicants to 1,000 Kipp spots. That said, looks like you put together a thoughtful list with safeties and were one of the unlucky few whose numbers were just too low to get in anywhere. I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I feel your pain but want to ask: did you apply for any charters that were outside the top 10 most applied to or any DCPS east of RockCreek Park/not on the Hill?

Yes. We applied to DC Prep and KIPP, but our waitlist numbers there are the same as at EL Haynes and Inspired Teaching. We also applied to Garrison and Powell. And Bridges. We had a list of 12 and about half of them were "back-ups".

DC prep and kipp are sought after schools. Just because they're not talked about in DCUM doesn't mean they aren't sought after.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP sorry you feel this way. We lucked out and I've been keeping my mouth shut to friends about our good fortune. No one wants their friends to feel bad (even if they are happy for you).

I understand it's frustrating. Most folks will provide advice on how you can just "deal with it." I'm not sure you're ready to hear that right now.

Big hugs. You'll work it out (or it will work out on it's own). Take comfort in that although maybe few - you still have options. You also have a lot to be thankful for. And again, more hugs.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I can't move. My housing costs are $1200 a month for a family of 4. Tell me where in the city I could get somewhere to live for that price and a good school? I have lived here since long before I had children so it was not a consideration when I saw single.

People who throw around "can't you move" have no understanding of the reality of normal people who don't have incomes into six figures.

If you have lived there for so long then WHY did you have multiple kids when you didn't have a viable school option the entire time?
Most of us made the housing decisions years ago based on the knowledge that we would have kids someday. We scrimped and saved and bought in areas we didn't want to live in based on our future school needs. AND we only had one child. we didn't have a second because we couldn't afford to.
I kind of feel like you made your bed and now you want to complain about it.

What a wonderful person you are! How fabulous. It must be wonderful to be so perfect! So, I should have waited until I was 45 to have kids, should I? So that it pleases you? You don't seem to have an understanding of reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is anyone else really upset and pissed at the unfairness of the lottery?

This is the third year we've been shut out. We have a poor IB choice. Private school isn't an option. Our child cannot continue where she is. And yet, friends of ours whose plan was to go private until K and then go to their IB JKLM elementary got into one of the top charter schools.

Sure, I was happy for them at first, but it starts to grate when you hear the gloating and the bragging and you know that they had other options that were fantastic and you have none and were shut out AGAIN.

I totally understand! As days go on, I am slowly finding out where our friends have gotten in. Most of them I know for a fact did not do much research, did not go to any open houses and some have missed the lottery deadline. One of them got matched at their #2 choice and waitlististed for their #1 choice at WL #20! (we have the same #1 choice and got 293!!). While us who spent a lot of time doing researchh, went to open hourses, looked at school numbers, etc etc, got shut out!! It makes me mad . Perhaps if I did not do any research at all and did not make any intelligent choice, I would've gotten in somewhere!

Yes, magical thinking is what makes you win the lottery.

I'll tell you what works - put a humungous deposit down for a private school that you loose in its entirety. Now that we are in, however, I really wonder how we thought we could afford that tuition. . . Soem of the happy few you knwo may be in thsi situation. They can't afford private schools but were going to do it at a cost that wasn't quite clear to them when they signed up (we likely would have gone into credit card debt for groceries).

[Anonymous]

What is your IB school? Maybe it is an option for K. Have you even visited?

[Anonymous]

Have you considered moving to the suburbs? If you own your place, you can sell and have that money for the new abode.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I felt a little bit of resentment, but this is my first year and not my third year of getting shut out. I can imagine how stressed you are. I would definitely keep trying. You do hear of kids getting in at K, although I do recognize that it is more of a challenge.

Thanks. The problem is most people are set in schools they love by K. If you're shut out at PS3 and PK4 it becomes much harder. I'm crossing my fingers because we do have a half decent number on one waitlist at a school that we'd love but I'm not sure how much movement we can expect this year, if any.

I totally hear you OP. But I have heard of some folks getting in at K and higher. It's not completely impossible. What is the WL number you have, just out of curiosity?

We have a number in the teens at a school that we would be very happy with. But I'm unsure if there will be any movement, particularly for K, because nobody is holding multiple spots. If this was last year I'd be delighted and expecting to get a place before the summer, but with the new system it's impossible to tell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is anyone else really upset and pissed at the unfairness of the lottery?

This is the third year we've been shut out. We have a poor IB choice. Private school isn't an option. Our child cannot continue where she is. And yet, friends of ours whose plan was to go private until K and then go to their IB JKLM elementary got into one of the top charter schools.

Sure, I was happy for them at first, but it starts to grate when you hear the gloating and the bragging and you know that they had other options that were fantastic and you have none and were shut out AGAIN.

I totally understand! As days go on, I am slowly finding out where our friends have gotten in. Most of them I know for a fact did not do much research, did not go to any open houses and some have missed the lottery deadline. One of them got matched at their #2 choice and waitlististed for their #1 choice at WL #20! (we have the same #1 choice and got 293!!). While us who spent a lot of time doing researchh, went to open hourses, looked at school numbers, etc etc, got shut out!! It makes me mad . Perhaps if I did not do any research at all and did not make any intelligent choice, I would've gotten in somewhere!

They'll be the same ones complaining in 4 months about how unbearable the commute is, they don't like the school's philosophy, blah blah blah. Maybe we'll see some noticeable waitlist movement then

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I can't move. My housing costs are $1200 a month for a family of 4. Tell me where in the city I could get somewhere to live for that price and a good school? I have lived here since long before I had children so it was not a consideration when I saw single.

People who throw around "can't you move" have no understanding of the reality of normal people who don't have incomes into six figures.

If you have lived there for so long then WHY did you have multiple kids when you didn't have a viable school option the entire time?
Most of us made the housing decisions years ago based on the knowledge that we would have kids someday. We scrimped and saved and bought in areas we didn't want to live in based on our future school needs. AND we only had one child. we didn't have a second because we couldn't afford to.
I kind of feel like you made your bed and now you want to complain about it.

What a wonderful person you are! How fabulous. It must be wonderful to be so perfect! So, I should have waited until I was 45 to have kids, should I? So that it pleases you? You don't seem to have an understanding of reality.

OP - don't worry about that smug old poster. Having a family of 4 is quite reasonable and, I'm sure, quite worth it. Nobody could possibly be as perfect as Smug Poster. She just likes living in the fantasy world that she's created. You know, the one where you *think* you've done all the right things and, also, look down on those who you presume haven't means your life will be 100% awesome. Seriously, she's a bitch.

As for your situation, please don't despair. I don't have any solutions for you but I do have empathy. I hope your little one thrives at her school -- whichever it may be.

[Anonymous]

I agree with you OP. if the IB school is good you should not have a charter option. That would be a fair solution.