Should I be upset that I did not get a Valentine's Day gift or card?

[Anonymous]

Mine said my present was that he went and shoveled out the gutter/storm drain after the city plowed it closed again.

But we don't do Valentine's Day, so I didn't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're being hugely passive aggressive. He isn't a mind reader. It's a holiday that some people hate and some people love. He can't know that it's important to you unless you tell him ahead of time.

Next year, if you want something more for Valentine's Day, open your mouth and tell him what you want at least 2-4 weeks ahead of time. Say this: "Honey, next week is Valentine's Day. I really want you to do something nice for me for it. It matters a lot to me. Please make dinner reservations somewhere nice." Then give him a 1 week warning.

If you want flowers, tell him 1 week ahead of time and then the day before.

I'm NOT going ask for what I want on Valentine's Day. It kind of defeats the purpose, don't you think? at what point does common sense kick in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should be upset. You should have received at least a card, even a homemade one, in addition to dinner. Chocolates and flowers not necessary but a plus.

What did you do for your spouse?

[Anonymous]

If it was a nice, thoughtful dinner - I think it's unfair to say that he did nothing for you. If it was a pizza or fast food picked up on the way home...yah, that would kind of suck.

Did you give him a card/candy?

[Anonymous]

Poster that said he's not the romantic type, is right. he's romantic in his own way but not the gift giving type. I think I wasn't disappointed because he's done into the past. it's hit or miss with him. I never know when he might do it

[Anonymous]

What did you give him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're being hugely passive aggressive. He isn't a mind reader. It's a holiday that some people hate and some people love. He can't know that it's important to you unless you tell him ahead of time.

Next year, if you want something more for Valentine's Day, open your mouth and tell him what you want at least 2-4 weeks ahead of time. Say this: "Honey, next week is Valentine's Day. I really want you to do something nice for me for it. It matters a lot to me. Please make dinner reservations somewhere nice." Then give him a 1 week warning.

If you want flowers, tell him 1 week ahead of time and then the day before.

This PP and I are sooo on the same page. Same with Mother's Day. It's not just that he's not a mind reader. It's that he's a MAN, they just think differently.

My Dh brought home some serious chocolates (I'm on Weight Watchers, wtf) and no flowers. I could go two ways with these facts, and the bitchy "doesn't he understand where I'm coming from and what I'd like, etc" is not a positive way to go.

So I'm SOOO ok with his gift. He tried. Chocolates are going to either the trash or some neighbor when he is not looking.

So, do this advice above next year (or for Mother's Day; that's a real mind-boggling trap for most Dh's) and right now, plan a little post Valentine's Day date.

[Anonymous]

My DH usually is late with stuff, can be kind of half-assed, and never ever plans dates or dinners.

So this year instead of doing my usual resentment-build-up, which is crappy for all because he does always do something even if it's to little too late, I just shrugged it off, got him something really small, and bought myself flowers in the morning. Little did I know he had a small surprise for me mid-day. I am convinced my new attitude was a factor.

[Anonymous]

^^and PP, btw, I'm concerned that your post is "Should I be upset that I did not get a Valentine's Day gift or card?" not "Should I be *worried* that I did not get a Valentine's Day gift or card?"

This evinces where you are coming from--a place of entitlement, not a place of openness to

1) signals about the state of the relationship, and

2) any recognition that you are also responsible for its current state.

[Anonymous]

If you gave him nada this year and have always given him nothing....maybe he thinks that you two don't celebrate Valentine's Day?

[Anonymous]

The answer depends, OP. What sort of precedent have the two of you established with regard to Valentine's Day in the past?

[Anonymous]

If he's normally a last minute kind of guy, did you consider that this year lots of stores were closed and the roads were crap? My ex normally gets me flowers from my son, but this year he went through the snow to get us a space heater because my heat is out. I'll take it.

[Anonymous]

Sex is women's "gift" to their SOs for Valentines Day. So they don't have to get their men anything. Men need to "just know" what to get their women for Valentine's Day. If they don't, it proves they don't love their SOs sufficiently. And if they don't get it right, they don't deserve sex.

If a woman has to use her words to communicate her wants, then clearly they aren't soul mates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he's normally a last minute kind of guy, did you consider that this year lots of stores were closed and the roads were crap? My ex normally gets me flowers from my son, but this year he went through the snow to get us a space heater because my heat is out. I'll take it.

That's lovely, PP. I'm glad to hear of a caring ex, for a change.

[Fairfax]

Anonymous wrote:Sex is women's "gift" to their SOs for Valentines Day. So they don't have to get their men anything. Men need to "just know" what to get their women for Valentine's Day. If they don't, it proves they don't love their SOs sufficiently. And if they don't get it right, they don't deserve sex.

If a woman has to use her words to communicate her wants, then clearly they aren't soul mates.

HAHHA. So perfect. So true.

MUST. NOT. USE. WORDS.

Telepathy is so romantic.