When your friend attracts guys and you don't

[Anonymous]

I don't agree with the cleavage thing--they can't concentrate on you as a person when cleavage is hanging out. I mean, it will get you attention, but of my friends who use this strategy, seems like they end up with mismatches.

[Anonymous]

You have already identified the clothing, attitude and body language your friend has which you do not. Mirror what she does, without being a carbon copy (don't buy the exact same outfit, just similar styles) etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't agree with the cleavage thing--they can't concentrate on you as a person when cleavage is hanging out. I mean, it will get you attention, but of my friends who use this strategy, seems like they end up with mismatches.

She has other things going for her except for the initial attraction. So for her cleavage will work to reel the men in.

[Anonymous]

You're admittedly stiff rigid and closed off. Of course you won't attract attention going out.

But so what. Do some online dating - that eliminates that early pressure. You have a first meeting with someone and you know they are already interested.

Depending on how old you are, changing your personality will take a long time and a lot of dedicated work i.e. practice, failure and trying again.

[Anonymous]

Somewhat unrelated, I have a very nice, sort of reserved female friend but she is always wearing skimpy clothes and stiletto sandals out, even in winter. I feel like she attracts the wrong kind of attention.

[Anonymous]

I was sometimes "that girl" too. In the end, I wanted someone who was willing to take the time to get to know the real me. It was worth the wait.

For securing dates, I'd suggest going online. If you're looking for a relationship, some of that is initial attraction and you may get 1 potential for every 10 your friend gets. I wouldn't worry about that. Just be yourself, encouraged and enhanced with a little more eye contact, smiling and...just look like you're having a great time. I think the guys worth your time will take their time. I'm fun can be perceived as more reserved than some of my friends. But that's who I am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And yet all of our male friends think that my friend and I are equally attractive? Some of them think I'm slightly cuter, I just dress a little more conservatively (though she doesn't dress remotely "skanky" at all, just more figure-fitting). But I don't understand why whenever we go out, even for lunch during the day time, my friend constantly gets hit on. This happens to several of my other friends too. I never get hit on.

And yet all my friends insist that I'm good-looking. My male friends tell me I'm attractive too. I just feel so resentful and upset and confused. Anyone else find themselves in my position?

is any of those male friends hitting on you? if not, I would take their assessment of your attractiveness with a grain of salt.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Do other women actively do something to attract men besides the fitted clothes, confidence, and "relaxed" body language?

Do they go out of their way to send signals?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op have you posted here before about relationship/attracting a man advice?

She's a troll?

No I don't think she's a troll. I just thought I recognized her and she got a lot of good advice in the past. Pretty much the same type of stuff she's getting now. Just wondering why she hasn't tried to make any changes to how approachable she is. Granted, that is if she and the other relationship constant poster are different people. OP, if you are the same as the Indian girl (at least I think thats what she said she was) then there are many reasons that your friends are attracting guys and it has to do with your personality.

[Anonymous]

I have been on both sides of this. When I was a bit younger, I went out with a lot with friend "C." I thought we were equally attractive, but I got hit on a lot more often. Part of it was that she was a bit heavier, I think (but not fat), but I think it was also because she dressed a little older/more matronly and I dressed more age-appropriately, and the guys our age responded more to that. She also had less experience with girl/guy friendships, so she was less comfortable talking to guys. I relate well to guys.

I've also been on the other side and had friends who are definitely hotter than me and gotten hit on less. I think I'm reasonably attractive and I have a good personality, but with a couple of girlfriends, I am always relegated to playing wingman - NOBODY hits on me when I'm with them. I'm sur e that affects my confidence - you can feel confident, but if you go out ten times and get hit on 0 times while your friend is racking up the guys each time, it can make you feel less than confident.

Have you asked her what she thinks you're doing wrong/differently?

Online dating may work better for you if meeting guys in bars isn't.

[Anonymous]

I never get hit on in public but I think that's because I have bitchy resting face.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bitchy%20resting%20face

[Anonymous]

I hit on the bitchy looking ones. I like a challenge.

[Anonymous]

She gives out a good vibe. Or she smiles more. Or her boobs are bigger. Who knows?

Be yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hit on the bitchy looking ones. I like a challenge.

Troll, you outed yourself.

[Anonymous]

OP, hang out with another friend or a variety of friends. Reading between the lines, this friend is using you to maximize her own attention. You'll meet men on your own, given a chance.

Here's a question: how does she act when you aren't specifically out to "meet men"? Does she pay attention to you and listen to your conversation about her life? Is it all just about her? If so, that's a toxic friendship. Find another friend or group of friends who want to have fun, whether you meet guys or not.

A good friend would want to support you in meeting someone, too. She'd offer to fix you up with someone genuinely compatible or go to venues where you both get attention.

As for the remarks about "boobs," there are plenty of men looking for women of all shapes, sizes and demographics. This particularly true in the DMV, as long as you're open to meeting a variety of men as well.

Smiling does help, but I often found that if I sat down at a bar with an interesting book, a cute, charming, book loving guy would ask me about what I was reading? As long as you keep it light and enjoy the conversation, it could be a nice distraction.

Above all, don't be so down on yourself.