How do you leave someone who might be violent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make sure you handle your departure so he doesn't have any idea that you're leaving. I went through this a while ago, and absolute secrecy is the key to a successful (non-violent) exit. Keep your new location secret, develop strategies for "what if" you and your child run into him.

How is that supposed to work with shared custody? OP is still going to have to see him to handle all of that. She can't withhold access to their child because he argues with her everyday. Even if he hit her, they still have to share custody.

Come on - put your thinking cap on. You can make custody hand offs through the courts or just do it at a neutral location. This is what my girlfriend did who had a violent ex.

One of the things my friend did was scan all important documents and kept copies on flash drives. I had one and she kept one. She also started removing small, meaningful things for her and also gave me several sets of clothes for her and her kids as well as extra keys to her house and cars. Her ex never noticed. It took some time but she had an excellent exit strategy as well as an emergency plan in case things got bad and she had to leave sooner than expected. Stuff can be replaced. People can't.

The father has a right to know where his children live and/or go to school. Addresses were listed in our custody agreement.

[Anonymous]

1. Get all your ducks in a row. Save money, get emotional support from others (see #2), rent an apartment, etc.
2. Tell your friends and family. Rally some support. Tell them your truth. "I'm aiming to leave at the end of the school year and will need help moving while he's at work (see #3). Will you be able to help me move?"
3. The logistics: have all your mail and paperwork regarding your rental sent to a friend or family member's house so he doesn't find it. The day of the move, wait until he's gone to work, have friends arrive a half hour after he leaves, and be all moved out at least an hour before he comes home.
4. Go introduce yourself to the police - both the nearest station to your old house and the nearest one to your new place.
5. Hire a lawyer, ask for a TRO (temporary restraining order). If DH is emotionally and verbally abusive to your kid(s) ask the judge that he not be allowed visitation unless supervised until he has completed anger management classes.

My friends and I moved a friend being abused by her husband out and the above is how we did it.

[Anonymous]

People who have physically abused their children once and physically abused their wives can still get 50/50 custody. I've seen it happen more than not.

What is the basis for a restraining order?

Being an asshole isn't against the law. These same responses are posted on every thread about a husband that yells. It's insane. I'm not saying she needs to stay married, but running off and hiding the kids isn't legally advisable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make sure you handle your departure so he doesn't have any idea that you're leaving. I went through this a while ago, and absolute secrecy is the key to a successful (non-violent) exit. Keep your new location secret, develop strategies for "what if" you and your child run into him.

How is that supposed to work with shared custody? OP is still going to have to see him to handle all of that. She can't withhold access to their child because he argues with her everyday. Even if he hit her, they still have to share custody.

Come on - put your thinking cap on. You can make custody hand offs through the courts or just do it at a neutral location. This is what my girlfriend did who had a violent ex.

One of the things my friend did was scan all important documents and kept copies on flash drives. I had one and she kept one. She also started removing small, meaningful things for her and also gave me several sets of clothes for her and her kids as well as extra keys to her house and cars. Her ex never noticed. It took some time but she had an excellent exit strategy as well as an emergency plan in case things got bad and she had to leave sooner than expected. Stuff can be replaced. People can't.

The father has a right to know where his children live and/or go to school. Addresses were listed in our custody agreement.

My address wasn't listed in my custody agreement. My ex-husband has a history of violence and part of our agreement is that the kids have their own cell phone so their father can contact them at any time and a third party monitor all exchanges away from my residence.

[Anonymous]

OP's husband doesn't have a history of violence. You got a special exception because your husband did have a history. That's not the way it usually works, even if there is a history of mild violence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who have physically abused their children once and physically abused their wives can still get 50/50 custody. I've seen it happen more than not.

What is the basis for a restraining order?

Being an asshole isn't against the law. These same responses are posted on every thread about a husband that yells. It's insane. I'm not saying she needs to stay married, but running off and hiding the kids isn't legally advisable.

+1

OP, before you leave with your child and set yourself up for kidnapping charges, please consult an attorney.