Reply to How do you leave someone who might be violent?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Make sure you handle your departure so he doesn't have any idea that you're leaving. I went through this a while ago, and absolute secrecy is the key to a successful (non-violent) exit. Keep your new location secret, develop strategies for "what if" you and your child run into him.[/quote]

How is that supposed to work with shared custody? OP is still going to have to see him to handle all of that. She can't withhold access to their child because he argues with her everyday. Even if he hit her, they still have to share custody. [/quote]

Come on - put your thinking cap on.  You can make custody hand offs through the courts or just do it at a neutral location.  This is what my girlfriend did who had a violent ex.

One of the things my friend did was scan all important documents and kept copies on flash drives.  I had one and she kept one.  She also started removing small, meaningful things for her and also gave me several sets of clothes for her and her kids as well as extra keys to her house and cars.  Her ex never noticed.  It took some time but she had an excellent exit strategy as well as an emergency plan in case things got bad and she had to leave sooner than expected.  Stuff can be replaced.  People can't.[/quote]

The father has a right to know where his children live and/or go to school. Addresses were listed in our custody agreement. [/quote]

My address wasn't listed in my custody agreement.  My ex-husband has a history of violence and part of our agreement is that the kids have their own cell phone so their father can contact them at any time and a third party monitor all exchanges away from my residence.  [/quote]

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